Johnny and the Bomb

Bigmac wasn't an athlete. If there was an Olympic Sick Note event, he would've won the 100 metres I've Got Asthma, the half marathon Lurk in the Changing Rooms, and the freestyle Got to Go to the Doctor.

-- (Terry Pratchett, Johnny and the Bomb)

"Is that you?" said a female voice. It wasn't exactly an unpleasant one, but it had a sharp penetrating quality. It seemed to be saying that if you weren't you, then it was your fault. Johnny recognized it instantly. It was the voice of someone who dialled the wrong numbers and then complained that the phone was answered by people she didn't want to speak to.

-- (Terry Pratchett, Johnny and the Bomb)

When all else failed, she tried being reasonable.

-- (Terry Pratchett, Johnny and the Bomb)

"You're not allowed to call them dinosaurs anymore." said Yo-less. "It's speciesist. You have to call them pre-petroleum persons."

-- (Terry Pratchett, Johnny and the Bomb)