alt.fan.pratchett : The Best Of AFP

Please Describe Ankh Morpork


The following was in response to an oft-seen request colloquially referred to as "Please do my homework for me". In this particular case, the original poster wanted someone to provide a description of Ankh-Morpork...

Date: 07 Feb 2002
From: Phil Davison

Not to mention the fact that trying to describe Ankh-Morpork will inevitably degenerate into a discussion of beer, bread products, chocolate-covered coffee beans, the right sort of chocolate to cover coffee beans with, the right kind of coffee beans to cover with chocolate, whether there will ever be an A-M meet, whether there can ever be enough shelf space, whether Terry Pratchett is actually reading this, what is Terry Pratchett's e-mail address, whether cheese is nice, what sort of cheese might be nice if you think cheese is nice, why can't you get certain types of cheese in Australia, whether trains will ever run on time, whether trains will ever run at all, whether train passengers leave their brains at home before going to the station, why there are no bins on underground platforms, whether people will be able to make it to a meet, whether people will be driving under the meet in their trains at the time, whether you should destroy bad books by burning them, using them for landfill, giving them to people you don't like, fobbing them off on charity shops, whether Outlook Express is any good, what news readers can be used instead of Outlook Express, what e-mail programs can be used instead of Outlook Express, whether Asimov's laws of robotics actually exist, which of Asimov's laws of robotics don't work even if they do exist, more beer, more bread products, products other than coffee beans which can be chocolate-covered, whether roundabouts are an endangered species, oook ook ooook ook ook, the Clangers, Bagpuss, whether the original version of the Carpet People will ever be reissued, Finnish pronunciation, English pronunciation, Merkin pronunciation, the definition of "merkin", whether people posting from certain ISPs are less clued up than others, what people think of the book "Lord Of The Rings", what people think of the film "Lord Of The Rings", which characters shouldn't have been left out of the film "Lord Of The Rings", who should play which character if the Discworld books were filmed, who should play which character if Good Omens gets filmed, whether there should be spoiler space for "The Italian Job", where did ppint go, hello Rocky - long time no see, when will the next signing tour take place, will the next signing tour visit my home town, why won't the next signing tour visit my home town, student recipes, operating systems to use other than Windows, palmtop-geeking, filks, history, slavery, the rights of man, HTML, javascript, JScript, java, perl, SETI, astrology, astronomy, religion, politics, whether smileys should be used, which smileys should be used, which smileys shouldn't be used, more beer, more bread products, more chocolate-covered coffee beans, and finally it might get back to "Can you do my homework for me please?"

Cyclops


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