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Reading: Report

From: Darrell Ottery <>
Subject: *F* Reading meet - the real story
Date: Mon, 10 Jul 1995 10:41:04 +0100
Message-ID: <>

A possibly nice and accurate description of the events follows.

It all happened something like this...

Once upon a time, many moons ago, a certain signing took place in Reading 
town centre. At this prestigious event three people met and discussed the 
possibility of a local meet. This was considered to be a good idea, and 
there was much rejoicing. Plans were made for the event to occur sometime 
in July at a drinking house in the town. Eventually a decision was made 
as to time and place - the Lyndhurst Ale House, 3pm, Sunday 8th July.

People came from far and wide to soak up both the atmosphere and the 
beer, but owing to a slight complication, the pub shut and kicked us out. 
And there was no rejoicing, but instead a great wailing and gnashing of 

So we moved on to try some other pubs, all of which were closed. But we 
were given directions to a place by the river, which might still be open. 
Along this route were many off-licences, some of which were prepared to 
sell alcohol. And there was much rejoicing. 

A tree and monument by the river were located and claimed in the name of 
afp, whereupon alcohol was consumed. Homemade biscuits were devoured by 
the ravenous horde (all five of us), thanks to Ruth. Many topics were 
discussed, detailed later, before a game of Cripple Mr Onion ensued. It 
was probably a good job we had nothing to gamble with, or some people 
would have been located in a certain tributary without a relevant shaped 
piece of wood.

People left sometime after this, claiming better things to do, such as 
folk singing and washing up, and the hard-core stayed and bought some 
food. This was eaten by the river, where much criticism of the 
assorted boating took place. At this point more folk singing was 
mentioned, in conjunction with a pub (now open), but having a fair walk 
back, I chose to leave. The story will no doubt be continued by others.

Those present:
Mr. T, an fper, but not an apfer, having no net access. 

Topics discussed: (that I remember, anyway, and in no particular order)
Pub closing times,
Guilt and blame, or the lack of it,
Hitting people with big sticks, or forms of martial arts,
The next meeting, this time to be held in a pub that is actually open,
Government cutbacks in police spending, and the latest in high speed pursuit 
Denture World,
Merlin - cat, dog, wizard, bird, or boat?
Folk music,
Cripple Mr Onion,
The stupidity of Irish setters, and their Realness,
The possibility of throwing people in the river,
The use of rowing boats to maim swans and other waterfowl.

There was no doubt more, but that's all I can remember.

Conclusion: a good way to spend Sunday afternoon, but would have been 
better if the pub hadn't closed. A repeat performance has been scheduled 
for middle to late August. More details nearer the time.

Darrell Ottery, B.F., B.El.L., M.M., D.Thau. (Hon, Unseen)
Visiting Lecturer in Spurious Plumbing
Discworld Convention 1996 - `Non id inscite agito'
For convention information send  mail to

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