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Oxfrod 3.0: Report

From: Kitten <>
Subject: *F* Oxfrod meet - Kitten's thoughts
Date: Sun, 3 Nov 1996 22:15:58 +0000
Message-ID: <>

I've no doubt that by now some-one else will have posted the 'official'
Oxfrod report, but as it made such an impression on me I thought I'd
better post a few intriguing bits and bobs. So, random memories...

Squeezing four people into the back of Mike's car _can_ be done, and is
really fun (no, really), especially when Mike's whizzing round twisty
rural lanes and then tells us that he can't actually see the side
mirrors. I got my first taste of TMBG thanks to Mike's collection of
car-music (along with an all too generous amount of singing-along,
_thank_ you Mike and Simes) so I'll be rushing off to buy _Flood_ as
soon as I've gathered the money together.

The Damerell's hair lived up to all expectation.

I _think_ I remember FTony asking me whether I'd wear leather and fish-
net tights, which concerns me slightly when I start to think about it...

Thomas's excuse for being late was that he'd had to install his new
printer, *sigh*.

A worrying number of people were begging to try on my collar when I
brought it out (black leather, with one inch spikes, only brought with
me because Darrell asked me to ;). The Damerell in particular, IIRC...

Bryan decided to be dashing and bought roses for every female in the
group from a passing rose-seller. Everyone except Victoria, that is, who
wouldn't accept hers (she'll accept no roses from _anyone_ apparently,
regardless of gender _or_ strangeness).

Adrian's a tart (self-confessed).

Mr Fox is also a tart, but he _did_ propose to me, so I think I might
forgive him this. There were a few moments of devastation towards the
end of the evening when it appeared that Mr Fox had disappeared, but
happily him and Darrell were re-united not long after.

Ydris and Nettie seemed to be becoming rather well aquainted throughout
the evening...

BSL Simes _insisted_ upon unnerving me throughout the night by _looking_
at me [1]. The fiend ;)

There were far too many people that I didn't get a chance to speak to at
all, and other's that I didn't talk to enough, so I'll apologise for
that now. AFAICR Rob was busy accumulating all the quotes on his Psion,
so I'll leave that area of the report to him. Many thanks and
congratulations to LNR for organising the meet, and may another
successful one happen soon.

Kat Knight - feline lover         * "Kittens are wide-eyed, soft and sweet,          *  With needles in their jaws and feet."    * You have been warned. And we're talking
Condensed sig to please Damerell. *      _majorly_ sharp needles here.     

[1] Oh, alright, it was the fact that he had a camera that I was objecting

From: Thomas Down <>
Subject: *F* Thomas' defence (was Oxfrod meet - Kitten's thoughts)
Date: Tue, 05 Nov 1996 21:57:50 +0000 (GMT)
Message-ID: <>

A while ago, Benjamin Hutchings wrote:
> Matthew Bloch wrote:
> >
> > The fair Kitten wrote:
> >
> >> Thomas's excuse for being late was that he'd had to install his new
> >> printer, *sigh*.
> >
> >Yes, we *did* have to send an advance party to drag him from his room
> >;-)
> I think "chase" would be a more accurate description. How silly of him to
> leave the door unlocked. He still tried to get back to work on his computer
> even with 6 threatening people in the roomafter getting over the shock of
> finding us there.

I protest... I _did_ have a valid reason for being late---I needed
to set up my new printer and test it so that Lunie could take the
old one back the next morning. I also needed a few minute's rest
after spending much of the day trying to covince people they wanted
my wonderful new program :). Anyway, I'd more or less finished, and
had just gone out for a few moments when the Heavy Mob (as I've
heard them described) arrived. They _did_ give me quite a shock
at the time, and prevented me from collecting a few `interesting'
trinkets from the drawer of my computer desk before heading off
to the meet. *sigh*

> There was a mysterious bar of Fruit-and-Nut (IIRC) chocolate lying around,
> which the Damerell tried to commandeer but Thomas *claimed* it belonged to
> someone else. I think we deserve an explanation now, Mr. Down... because
> there's no excuse for withholding chocolate from a.f.p!

It was normal Cadbury's dairy milk, not fruit and nut [disgraceful,
an AFPer who doesn't have a perfect memory for chocolate ;]. And
it really _wasn't_ mine---it belonged to either Lunie or the fair
Clare (who had been using my room that day).

> >Damn, only had it for 20 minutes and I didn't persuade Thomas to try it! 
> >Where d'ya get it, or do you have to go into the Private Shop on the
> >Cowley Road?  Evil-bastard chocolate things were nice, and I would have
> >voted for Thomas' if I'd had the chance ;-)

Glad to see that _somebody_ appreciated my efforts... I'd propose to
you for less than that, if there wasn't an obvious, err, 
complication :). Anyway, I now have two AFPengagements arranged.
That's enough for me...

> Yeah, the coffee-beans were great, and I think I'd have had a tough choice
> between the two selections if I'd been a judge.

My understanding is that Darrell won more by diversity than anything
else (I never got to try any of his creations). Fair enough. A 
rather busy week at college meant that I had less time to make 
my creations that I'd originally hoped, hence only two types.
Never fear, though. I've got some devious new ideas ready for a
rematch at Reading. And this time, I'll have _days_ to prepare.

Thanks to LNR, and anyone else vaguely responsible, for a great meet.
And Chris/Ranma et al., *please* don't do that to me again...

  The maid put her hand to her mouth. Her shoulders shook. Her eyes 
sparkled. A sound like escaping steam crept between her fingers.
  I can't help it, Cutwell thought, I just seem to have this
amazing effect on women.                  - Terry Pratchett, Mort

From: Rob Cotterill <>
Subject: *f* Oxford 3.0, my memories.
Sender: (Usenet News Administrator)
Message-ID: <>
Date: Wed, 6 Nov 1996 10:29:16 GMT

OK, here's my report-ette for Oxford 3.0

The weather, it was foul that evening, as huddled figures made their way
down dark alleyways to a secret (or at least, un-signposted) meeting
place.  I arrived there with time to buy a pint, wonder around the
labyrinthine passages of the pub looking for afpers, give up and sit
outside beside a brazier, before a familiar hairstyle indicated the
arrival of LNR and David/Kirsty.  The former was clutching a sign
bearing the letters "AFP" which seemed a very good idea, but later
prooved to be less than effective, because nobody bothered to read it.

LNR made a hasty exit when it became clear that David/Kirsty expected
her to buy some drinks, and a table was found containing a few familiar
faces (how I missed them, I'll never know).  At this point, we numbered
about ei^H^H seven-ish with another four girls sitting behind us.  The
reason I mention them will become clear shortly.

A short while later, a person emerged clutching a _large_ bar of
Cadburys Dairy Milk.  The girls behind us made sounds indicating that
they wouldn't mind sharing the bar with him, so he asked if they were i=
AFP, thus showing a very poor grasp of female psychology.  We eventually
rescued the chocolate from their grasp and pointed out that we were in
fact the Real AFP.  He then introduced himself as Matthew who has only
been posting a shrot while.  Welcome Matthew.

Gradually, more people arrived, including Nettie: at which point, the
Damerell identified her by her email address proving a theory that he
doesn't think of people as having any existence outside of his computer.

At some point, a delegation was sent round to Thomas' room, to drag him
away from his new HP laserjet printer.  Well, kidnap would be a better

In the end, there were 31 people present, a record for an afp meet.  For
the record, those there were:
Chris/Ranma, Beccy, Ftony, Owen Dunn, Ben Hutchins, Martin, the
Damerell, LNR, Sarah, Nettie, Gideon, Ydris, Andrew Mobbs, Matt Hoskins,
Kitten, Darrell, Rob (the ergonomist), Mike the bastard, Simes (bsl),
Alex, Matt B, Lunie, Claire, Thomas, Adam Jones, Rob Collier, Adrian
Wragg, Tackline, Charles, Bryan, Victoria.
I take no responsibility for this list; it is merely as it appeared on
my psion the following day.

Conversations included who had read Hogfather yet, how good/bad
Hogfather was, Kitten's collar (which had spikes on it, BTW), Thomas'
new HP laserjet printer, whisky, and recent past meets.  Photos of same
were also circulated.

There was a Grand Chocolate Tasting Competition between Darrell and
Thomas, which was seemingly won by Darrell, but mostly on the strength
that he had more chocolate to bribe LNR and Kitten with.  A special
mention should be made of the chocolate covered mushrooms, and the ones
that looked like chocolate covered brazil nuts BUT WEREN'T.

The following Memorable Quotes =99 were recorded:
I was the one holding the cat: Adrian Wragg
I'm sorry I thought it was real: (unattributed)
when Darrell comes back, I've got to put something on: Kitten
just because tongues were involved, doesn't make it a snog: the Damerel=
this is not cute: put your beer down: LNR
its his fault, he undid it: LNR
you're not snogging my racoon: LNR
you can kiss is better if you like: Adrian (to LNR, who slapped him)
Mr fox can take any elder god anytime: Darrell
Get off you, that was not an invitation: LNR
I have first hand experience that this man can go on after 5 am: Adrian
(about Rob Collier)
I am famous for knocking other things as well: Beccy
I've snogged LNR a few times: Beccy
I'm not into any particular animal: Beccy
the soundproofing on those doors is VERY good: Chris

Later, we went out separate ways.  I understand that those with LNR had
fun with the unconcious form of Bryan.  Those of us with Chris/Ranma had
fun with a toy gun that made bubbles.

A morning-after meet happened in a coffee bar type place, where Lunie
struggled with a chocolate fudge sundae, some of us had various strange
assortments on bagels, and others had some strange looking ice creams. =

Much coffee was consumed and people reminisced wistfully of the days
when there were only three flavours of ice cream.  Conversation also
turned to the colour of London busses, and Your Humble Narrator showed
his age, by remembering the year they painted them silver, only to hear
the comment "that was before I was born".

Enough already, I've got to go and have my complan.

I'm sure other accounts have already been published, which I have
naturally not seen.  This one has been done with the aid of a psion,
which is only any good, if you remember to use it.

Rob (the ergonomist).

From: Rob Cotterill <>
Subject: Oxford 3.0: an afterthought
Message-ID: <>

Hi guys *grin*

I arrived at the meet with two cameras, and left with none.  This poses
a bit of a problem.

Now one, i gave to Ydris (for it was his) but the other was mine, and
I'm buggered if I can remember what happened to it.

I _definately_ had it when I arrived at the pub, but not when I got
home, the following day.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

It's a Minolta X700 BTW,

Rob (the ergonomist).

From: Thomas Down <>
Subject: *F* Oxfrod 3.0 patch level 1
Date: Sun, 10 Nov 1996 00:13:13 +0000 (GMT)
Message-ID: <>

On the ninth day of November, it transpired that Matthew Bloch 
(MattBee) would be acting in a short play in Oxford. At last week's
Oxford meet, he made the potentially fatal mistake of revealing
this extraordinary fact to a number of AFPers. And so it came
to be that your humble narrator, Lunie, and Adam met in Oxford
to visit this cutting edge dramatic production. As we arrived, after
walking for rather further than yhn had anticipated, we were joined 
by Alexcy.

After the plays, the serious business of the meet began in a
nearby pub. Banananana Dakrys were purchased and duly consumed
in significant quantities. MattBee was disappointed when his
double dakrys turned up in two glasses, and Lunie made the mistake
of consuming one of those little drinks which has two different
coloured layers.

The primary topic of discussion was the establishment of a web
site for Lunie's Husbands club. Having resolved to design a
Lunie Now icon, we decided to examine the possibility of 

Upon leaving the hostelry, those present retired to yhn's room.
Evil bastard chocolate things were consumed, and numerous bottles
of mysterious liquid were discovered. The story continues...

Quotes (so far):

MattBee: Alex has the most obscenely large joystick

Sarah (a friend of MattBee's) (of bananananana dakrys): I'm _sure_ I 
can smell bananas in this.

Anon: Will you marry me?
Lunie: What was your name again?

Person at a bus stop: The trouble is that there are places where you
can buy alcohol.

Alex: Alcohol!!!

Thomas (to Alex): Do you ever think of anything _other_ than alcohol?

Lunie: You know Sharky and George?
Adam: That's rubbish. Give it up and watch Earthworm Jim

MattBee: Don't do that. You'll get Thomas' chair pregnant
Adam: Does that go in the quotes?

Lunie: I used to be called chairleg.
Adam: That reminds me about that Russian Princess.

Alex: I had one in my pocket this morning. {of purity tests...}

MattBee: Last week I dragged Sarah through the pool (...). I didn't
even know I'd had her.

From: Matthew Bloch <>
Subject: *F* Oxfrod 3.0 patch level 1 mini-meet; the morning after...
Date: Sun, 10 Nov 1996 10:35:23 +0000 (GMT)
Message-ID: <>


You might want to know that today we finished off the petition for the
Banananananananana dakry ice-cream at George and Davis'.  Me and Lunie went
round (me wearing Thomas' lurvely leather collar) and asked the patrons
whether they wouldn't mind helping out ;-)

We are pleased to announce that none of us have a hangover.  Mainly due to
lack of money.  Tra-la-la.  Thomas is singing along to Hotel California,
except it's the filk: 'Satan C compiler'... I'll leave the reader to make his
/ her own judgements about this.

There was a failed attempt at a teleconference with the Cambridge meet,
except that nobody happened to be logged on to chiark.  Bastards.

Well.... we're fairly desperate for things to say now, so I'll go away now,
and we'll get back to you when we have the inauguaral meeting of LUHU ;-)


From: (LNR)
Subject: *F* Oxfrod Meet Reports...
Date: 22 Nov 1996 02:44:46 GMT
Message-ID: <57342u$>

For all of you who are interested (ie probably not very many) a fairly
comprehensive collection of meet reports from the Oxfrod meet on
November 2nd has been collated for your enjoyment and is available to
peruse at:

Lemme know what you think...

love n hugs

P.S. anyone with any pictures of the meet who would like a home for them
on the web is welcome to let me have copies (either electronic or paper)
and I'll see what I can do.
                 -  AFP's Keeper of the Purity Scores -
           "If looks could kill I'd need a license for my face" 

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