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Cambridge Dinner 1.5: Report

From: Tony Finch <>
Subject: AFP Cambridge Dinner 1.5 ("Catastrafphe")
Date: 10 Nov 1996 02:17:56 -0000
Message-ID: <563e0k$>

It started with the Discworld Convention, when I realised quite how
well remembered the first AFP Cambridge Dinner was (see Colette's
mention of it in the souvenir guide), so I resolved to organise
another. Little did I realise quite how problematic this would be
(given that a certain college decided that they wouldn't let me hold
another) but still, I sort of made alterntive arrangements. The
attendees were:

Dudley Batters
Duncan !Muriel MacGregor
Owen Stephanie Dunn
Richard Kettlewell
Lethargic S. Man
Me (FTony)
Dave D [ which of us are Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Titch is left as an
exercise for the reader ]
a small green entity claiming to be Great Cthulhu
The Bellinghman
The Goddess

(despite the original list being a bit longer).

We arrived bit by bit at the (rather new) pub called The Ancient
Druids, where we "got some beers in". Emmet was obviously not on top
form, since it was only the second woman to arrive that he managed to
persuade to sit on his lap. Despite this handicap, Colette managed to
get her photographs out, and we reminisced about the last meet (and
wondered where our youth went).

We also consumed the obligatory chocolate covered espresso beans (some
of which were flavoured in a particularly appealing way with Amaretto
-- yum). Emmet was a poor comparison in the debauchery stakes to
Michael and Duncan who were busy tickling and wrestling each other.

We continued to get beers etc. in whilst I busily took down quotes on
my Psion. I was called away to the opposite corner of the pub at 8:30
for the first installment of Joann, who phoned from Minnesota for the
occasion. I managed to hold a conversation despite the noise from the
pub, but the full potential of the transatlantic meet was not yet fully

At 9:30 we removed to The Bengal Curry house, where (after a small
delay) we were installed at a teble and fed with sundry delicacies.
Alan's strange yellow drink drew some interest. Also, the rat joke,
the Santa Claus joke, and the hydrogen atom joke were shared with
those who had not previously had the pleasure of their acquaintance.

Subsequently, the party retired to some space kindly provided by FTony,
where discussion was held on a number of topics which right at the
moment escape the memory of this humble chronicler. Emmet - for it is
I who have the honour to take over the task of chronicling as of the
midpoint of the previous paragraph - was remarkably well-behaved with
Colette's back for a prolonged period of time. Joann part II rang, and
was passed around the company, which lead to the first appearance of
what was to be a recurring trout motif. Later, among the indulgences 
shared were Flanders and Swann, Queen - in a vague stab at relevance -
and some of Damerell's now-legendary mead. I admit to also indulging
in some bellydancing, but only a little.

The now-traditional utterly out of context quotes:

"I've never seen anyone so desperate that they'd crawl under the
table." - Duncan.
"You haven't seen me at home with Alan" - Colette.

"Get off !" - LNR to Emmet [ habitually ]
"He's trying to." - Dave D

"What has become of my Great Old One ?" - Dave D

"Don't pull for a moment." D[r]uncan to MonoSodium Glutamate, while

"I'm worried that if I do something to make it longer it'll lose something."
- Owen Dunn

"Of course in Canterbury it would be _Reservoir Spogs_." - Ibid.

"The only problem is, _I'm_ the masochist." - Duncan comes out on top.

"Patrick Stewart in anything turns me on." - a Damerell

"Submission, Owen ? Run that by me again slowly." - Emmet [ me !! hi!]
seeking clarification.

"What was that ?"
"That was your elbow."
"I wasn't looking."
  - Mchl Grnt and D[r]uncan 

"I can't resist when I'm laughing." - Mchl gn

"That was far too chaste." - FTony, kissed on the forehead by LNR
"I'm being chaste." - LNR
"Only by me." - Dave, effortlessly claiming the fish-in-barrel award
for the night.

"Hello, little god." - Dave D again (to the small stuffed octopus
yclept Cthulhu).

"Alan, you're a pervert."
"Why do you think I married him ?"
  - Colette makes here standards clear

"So how much was the Microsoft jacket ? 30 pieces of Silver ?" - Owen

"..unlike Emmet, who wants to be horrible, but unfortunately is cute
and cuddly." - Duncan again..

"That's _TeX_, you pervert." - Owen

"Don't mention large blunt instruments while I'm relaxing a young lady"
                    - E who is called E

"You get to talk to Dudley now, and I get both hands free."
               - E passes Joann on and returns all his attention to Colette.

"I think Emmet can get to most people one way or the other." - LNR

"I think it'll take Joann a long time to live down this trout." - MSG

"Do they pay you for that ?"
               - FTony to Joann [ sadly, one hand was occupied by the
phone at the time.. ]

"Michael, can you pass.. water.." - Dave D

"Emmet's a charisma sink." - Owen
"Emmet is like a sink because it's easy to lose wedding rings in
him." - Dave D

"It's very nice but it's not haddock."
  - Colette. Presumably on trout. 

"Nostrils are so 70s" - that Kirsty bint (*thump* - K.).

Well, six of us are still here, although I think DD and LNR will want
to leave in the near future (or at least _I_ want them to leave in the
near future before they do something embarassing to my floor).


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