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Clarecraft Discworld Event 1997: Report

From: Gabriel Krabbe <>
Subject: [F] CC live meet-feed (from the CC field) #1
Date: 9 Aug 97 12:38:33 GMT
Message-ID: <>

Live feed from the CC event #1

-- 09.Aug 97, 0900-1300

The day began with Alex (TEH), FTony, Joann and
me conducting an experiment - the well-known 
problem of buttered toast tied to a cat's back.
Photos were taken, and the surprising results 
a) tying buttered toast to an angry cat's back  
   isn't easy
b) toast attached to a cat's back tends to detach.

More research is called for.

Arriving at the CC field, we found the templars 
openly demonstrating their allegiance by wearing 
appropriate t-shirts; this fit neatly with mpk's
Adminspotting shirt (which made me call him a 
bloody bastard for the fourth time this weekend -
he took it as a compliment).

As more people arrived, psions and similar toys
were brandished, quotes were noted, and context 
was once again lost. Emmet was a particular target
of both mpk and jld, the former asking "Emmet, 
what're you doing, wandering around here in VR?", 
and the latter postulating "Emmet, i don't think
'nice' applies to you!".

jld had a special talent for producing memorable
quotes, it seems. Example? "What are you staring 
at, and why are you wearing black leather?" - the
first part being directed at a throng, the second 
at yours truly... I will say no more on that.

Let it be known that I intend to hold the day's 
first (and quite possibly only) duel by sundown;
should I be able to type afterwards, an account
will be posted.

Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat!

email will be posted as i see fit

From: Gabriel Krabbe <>
Subject: [F] CC live meet-feed (from the CC field) #2
Date: 9 Aug 97 18:49:07 GMT
Message-ID: <>

Live feed from the CC event #2

-- 09.Aug 97, 1300-1930


Approximately ten minutes ago, a weird bloke with 
a hat decided to partake in the event known forthwith
as The Great Cabbaging Of Woolpit: 20 people literally
fencing with cabbages (which were, unfortunately, fresh),
the prize being specified simply as "a Definite Maybe."

This prize, won by Malcolm, was an actual cabbage-
fencing-duel versus Pterry himself.

Photos will probably be available via lspace soon enough,
let it suffice at this point that Pterry stood his
ground and finally won.

Floggings will continue until morale improves

(any rumours about me wearing cabbages are definitely
random. or something.)

From: Gabriel Krabbe <>
Subject: [F] CC live meet-feed (from the CC field) #3
Date: 10 Aug 97 09:06:16 GMT
Message-ID: <>

Live feed from the CC event #2

-- 09.Aug 97, 1930-0400

What can I say...

More cabbages were wielded, my duel with Bob Potter
was decided by ballistic usage of them (as opposed to,
for example, confrontations with a number of others,
such as Charles Cooke-with-an-E, which were fenced...
actually fighting out duels seems to become a new
tradition on afp; Charles, shortly after his 
confrontation with me, was overheard threatening 
someone with: "I lost a duel already, I don't mind 
losing another!" Strangely enough, neither was any 
matter of honour decided by water pistols (Super
Soakers), nor did excessive use of them lead to any
such confrontations - lucky for me, given the truth
of Alan's observation "give a German a Super Weapon, 
and he just has to use it." But I digress).

Beer (and Whisky and Whiskey and a number of other
alcoholic beverages) were consumed, leading to mpk
stating the next morning "sitting in a field at nine
thirty, trying to drink off a hangover, is just one of
those moments..."

Some people, however, did not truly appreciate the
value of beer; this lead to me gathering one pint over
the head (my hair must be really glossy now <g>) and 
one in the face... you guessed it, my first four duels 
for DiscCon98 are set. Oh, well.

The Maskerade was a rather less martial event, and a
rather special highlight due to this fact. Pterry, 
CMOT Briggs, and Paul Kidby were the judges; this
lead to a not unexpectedly interesting prize-giving.
Pterry, as spokesman, started off with "I hope 
everyone can hear me, and if not, that's too bad,
because I'm Terry Pratchett and I can talk as loud
as I like."  A true BWFH. The final two prizes were
"best overall", going to Queen Ynci the Short Tempered
for convincingly demonstrating how spiky spikes can 
be; the final prize, which was completely unexpected,
was for the winner of an impromptu race for the 
fastest Rincewind.

A prize Colm would not have won, had he participated:
"I programmed Macintoshes for years, I have patience!"

At 4 a.m., Michelena was loud. No more will be said on
that subject, not even that a Muppet was involved.

This leaves only one memorable quote of "Caroline,
Raven's fiance", as she wishes to be known, "I seem to
have gotten away with not saying anything quotable."

We now return you to your regular afping...

I freed my mind, and it ran away.

email will be posted as i see fit.

From: Gabriel Krabbe <>
Subject: [F] CC live meet-feed (from the CC field) #4
Date: 10 Aug 97 16:33:36 GMT
Message-ID: <>

Live feed from the CC event #4

-- 10.Aug 97, 0400-1630

<smack> <vom> <phew> "help!" - pretty much sums up not
only the day, but most of the weekend, as far as its
invocation as an afpmeet is concerned.

The day started off agreeably relaxed, with not _too_
much antipathy generated by the previous live report.
That aspect didn't deteriorate; however, the day did 
get slightly hectic. Well, to tell the complete truth, 
it only got hectic for the eight people present that
decided to relive the experience some others (including, 
among others, Bryan) had yesterday: trolley racing. 
Once again, I managed to make an utter fool of myself, 
not only by getting the wheels tangled and crashing, 
but by doing so right under those who were brandishing 
pots and buckets of water. Thankfully, a tree was
between me and the muzzle of the Bellinghman's Super-Soaker...

At 1100, a number of rockets were launched, some signed, one
transporting the entire discworld, another releasing the 
Death of Terr^H^Hddybears, one impersonating the Death of 
Cars (landing on the roof of one). The event was additionally
entertaining for those standing near Pterry, who replied to a 
father's request, "this is my son Alex, he's always wanted to
meet you", with the flat-out "you can die now, you've 
satisfied your life's ambitions"... The question remains, was 
this an observation or a suggestion? 
Inguiring minds want to know...

In between drinks, the grouplets that had formed were
tortured (his words) by a Jester, who was not only
bewildered by people identifying him by the sound of
his bells, but who managed to get depressed for not
even being booed at... Michelena managed to go "ah" at
the wrong time, though, and Colm's Claire didn't quite
understand why the death of three nuns should be 
considered sad, so I guess that's okay.

What else happened.... A person who knows who I'm
talking about has regained official tart status... 
No chainmail was worn... Gaspode won a prize at
today's Maskerade... The bar actually managed to run
out of caffeinated soft drinks without "diet" (ha!) in
the name (the bar's only weakness, which was otherwise
superbly efficient and - to this gerperoffspring -
affordable, I may add)... 

Two more random quotes to end the article (I'm in the
Bellinghman's car, not a very adequate place for writing reports):

Gid (about an approximately five-year-old on CC's 
treasure hunt, in search for Clue 1): "He's clueless
and he's not even a merkin!"

Someone who knows who he/she/it is: "two ships passing 
in the night, only we hit each other and made a lot of 

I like to think of myself as a divide overflow

email will be posted as i see fit

From: Suzi <>
Subject: Unofficial Ipswich/CC meet report
Date: Tue, 12 Aug 1997 01:22:54 +0100
Message-ID: <>

Here be the unofficial Ipswich/CC meet report (as writ by Suzi)...

We arrived in Ipswich at about 8pm. After driving around Ipswich at
least 3 times trying to find Star Lane (including driving past the pub
wherein the meet was in full swing) we eventually found St Peter's
Street, the Car Park & the pub and joined the meet at about 8:40ish.

Things were already well underway... after discussion we found that we
hadn't been the only ones to get lost. Much beer was imbibed... along
with CCCBs, strawberries, blackberries, CCGs and various shades of
Chocolate (the white chocolate with vanilla was *especially* nice!). 
Entertainment was provided by the newly formed "AFP Kazoo & Nose Flute
Band" (and someone with a Swanee whistle doing Clanger impressions), and
also by the battery powered hedgehog proving that although the hedgehog
can never be buggered, dinosaurs can be! Alas, the evening (as usual)
was all too short, and we left (via the very good Kebab house) to go and
pitch at CC (not easy in the dark!).

Woke up at 4am! (Thank You Cyril and Elton!) Eventually more bods
arrived and pitched in the "AFP & noisy campers field" <fx: hurt look>
what, us? <end hurt look>. The large mallet provided by Russ for half
the field proved very useful, as pegging down was like trying to nail
into concrete. Previously arranged deals were done with the Continental
contingent and then it was time for CC proper to start: Drinking.. Paint
your own figures.. drinking.. buying things.. drinking.. joining of fan
clubs.. drinking.. watching the Maskerade.. drinking.. arm wrestling..
drinking.. trolley racing.. drinking.. cabbage duelling.. drinking..
sing song.. drinking.. (you get the general idea if you weren't lucky
enough to be there).

Some people then adjourned to the "temporary Temple" to attend the
Whisk(e)y tasting (I'm a bit hazy about this bit - I wasn't there, I was
in my tent next door, and the SO was in no fit state to comment!). There
was plenty of revelry (I know 'cos I couln't get to sleep), highlights
of which were (apparently): Gid falling asleep in his chair and falling
over backwards (still in the chair and still asleep).. Julia's chair
deciding to turn Japanese and commit Hara Kiri.. the strategic
positioning of a *vom* sign outside a certain noisy tent (no names, no
pack drill!).. and *who* was that asleep in the middle of the whiskey
tasting?? (noone seemed to know!). Eventually (about 3:30am I think) the
revellers disbanded (and I got some sleep!).

Next morning noone seemed too much the worse for wear, and most of us
went back up the hill for more of the same (although the drinking played
a less major role as a lot of people were going to be driving home).

As a result of this weekend, I have a few questions (probably some of
lifes imponderables): What happened to the game of Cluedo? (I was
looking forward to that.).. Why was the signing queue *so* long on the
Sunday?.. And.. Why doesn't Gid have the decency to get a really good

Finally (and definitely *not* leastly) a very big "Thank You" to "Miss
Flitworth", Elton and the rest of the team for a fab weekend.. I
*really* enjoyed myself. If next years Con is half as good it'll be
worth going to <fx:plug "So book now">.

"You could turn it into Suzi, and it sounded as though you danced on 
tables for a living.........." Soul Music       (AFPetite & AFProud)
~~ AFP Code 1.0 AC$/PA/Mu d s--:+ a34>+++ UP+ R+++ F+++ h- P-- OSD--:
C++ M pp+ L+ c-@ B Cn:+ PT--- Pu61- 5++ X++ MT eV+ rp++++ x+++ End~~

From: (Mike Knell)
Subject: [F] Clarecraft - The Quotefile
Date: 12 Aug 1997 14:26:23 +0100
Message-ID: <5spo9v$au7$>

Well, what can I say? A weekend of incredible heat (phew), drinking
probably more beer than was healthy, meeting lots of people I hadn't
met before and lots more who I had but was delighted to meet again,
free-falling purity scores (not mine, I didn't lose one lousy point
all weekend - it's still 98.6%), making dubious and ultimately useless
sound recordings with my Psion, sitting under trees waiting for the
heat to go away, zipping round the back roads of Suffolk with the
Leningrad Cowboys blaring out of the stereo and surprising passers-by,
etc, etc.

My memories of the weekend are marginally hazy, but I distinctly remember
having a fun time - right down to the point when the brush next to the
bonfire caught fire, and I considered the fact that the flames were creeping
towards us to be strangely hilarious. Very odd. The fact that I suddenly
felt very "tired and emotional" about 15 minutes later and went to bed might
have something to do with this. Hint - if it's a hot day, drinking beer all 
day with only one non-alcoholic beverage (a coke at about 2pm) will leave
you a little dehydrated and have strange effects on your mind after about
12 hours of such abuse. *ouch*

Anyhow, apologies for the singing (hey, it was almost tuneful at the 
beginning, just those loud people being tuneless that made it very, er,
loud and discordant), further apologies to all the people who I wanted
to spend more time talking to but couldn't (I don't know, you might consider
this to be a Good Thing), and as a final insult the quotefile from my Psion
is appended.  They're all pretty well verbatim quotes, generally taken about
as far out of context as it's possible to be...

*guilty look*

Mike "Who? Me?" K.


"Emmet, what are you doing wandering around in VR?" - mpk

"Emmet, I don't think "nice" quite applies to you..." - jld

"They should have that on "Star Trek" - 'Phasers on squirt!'" -TomDM

"Are you two finished dripping testosterone all over the table now?" - Kitten

"No, no, open the mouth..." - Michelena to Rob

"mmf mmmf mmmf mmmf" - vice versa

"I don't know, in the end I just slept with Tony" - Alex TEH

"I think I'm going to go and listen to Radio 2" - Murky

"I think at some point Rob found religion" - Alex TEH

"The photo's been taken now so I may as well wear it" - Gabriel (cabbage!)

"Spock-a-doodle-meep!" - Ibid. (Sound file to follow - mpk)

"Serves you right for blatantly wearing a Temple Tshirt" - The Bellinghman

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" - anon.

"They're all sheep, aren't they?" - Murky

"He's always injuring himself.  He's a f*cking eejit" - Claire

"big grin" - muppet

"Does anyone happen to have a harp about their person?" - Rob TE

"big grin" - muppet

"Does anyone happen to have a harp about their person?" - Rob TE

"That tent was getting very hot" - Michelena

"I' m having head from the dog that laid me" - FTony

"If I get hot, I'll take the jeans off" - Joann

"Go ahead and assume, big boy" - Ibid.

"Oh, Bryan's nothing much" - Ibid.

"Your shorts lack material integrity" - Ibid.

"Leo II: This Time It's Bjorn" - Bryan

"Paul is, apparently, starting from the top of my thigh, as far up as
it's comfortable to go." - Colm

"You are what I eat..." - Emmet to Lethargic Man

       Mike Knell -- Officially Too Clueless To Admin Solaris (tm) [MK771]
  Mr. Tony Blair! You are a thirsty gonk!  ---

From: (Derek Mahony)
Subject: [F] Clarecraft - Yet More Pictures!
Date: Sun, 17 Aug 97 00:50:09 GMT
Message-ID: <>

My new camera worked flawlessly (it was the prat pressing the button 
that made all the mistakes) so my web site now contains a plethora of 
photographic images (well 23 actually) from Clarecraft - The Weekend!

There's a load of quarter size (or is that sixteenth size?) 
thumbnails at: 

You also get the added bonus of one free link from each thumbnail to 
the respective full size image. 

or.. for those that need it, a no-nonsense bare-bones non-tables 
version at

Subjects include: 

Mushroom rustling at The Plough
A dinosaur taking to drink 
A hedgehog taking to a dinosaur
A typical afpmeet table 
The afpband in full swing 
A sample from the Maskerade 
Elton and Bernard getting wet in the interests of baby-kind 
Cabbages Galore 
The afpchoir 
A rather arty shot of the bonfire 
and finally.. 
The (Bellingh)Man on the Grassy Knoll. 

It's all a bit rushed and I'm in the middle of revamping my site so 
if there's any problems, or you would like a higher resolution scan 
of any of them, then let me know.

PS. If the !cabel wants to copy any of them to lspace then please go 
ahead. After all.. you don't exist.

Watha B.F.     

  New Labour - I Can't Believe It's Not Tory!

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