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From: MegaMole <PSmithALTO@countertenor.demon.co.uk> Newsgroups: alt.fan.pratchett Subject: [F] Chocmeet 1.0 28 Nov: Meet Report and Quote File Date: Sat, 28 Nov 1998 20:15:12 +0000 Message-ID: <Sz$DuGAQnFY2EwQ6@countertenor.demon.co.uk> Present: Your huMMble mole, An~ejo (my Cyrillic encoding prevents the use of diacritic wibbles, and turns the name into Acejo), Dmark (the only afper to be named after a currency) and Rand the Kiwi. There is some doubt as to whether this meet was quorate; we decided de facto that it was. ********************************************************************* The report: Having met and made introductions to the two afpers (Rand and Dmark) there at 2pm, and greeted An~ejo with appropriate *hugs*, we waited for a further 15 minutes outside the exhibition hall for others to turn up while playing the time-honoured "Spot the AFPer" game. There seemed to be a large meet going on in the street nearby, so we geeked loudly at them but nobody got (or admitted to getting) the message. We entered the exhibition, and with a keenness of eye born of long practice An^ejo headed straight towards the Maya Gold stand. Discovering herself short (of pecuniary wherewithal, that is) she looked pleadingly at this mole, who lent her some mole moolah and was promptly WYMMed. (Need I say that I accepted?) Much Maya Gold was bought by all concerned. We wandered around the various stalls, chugalugged cassis from a camp Cananananadadadadadian, saw the world's largest chocolate bar (100 tons - Cadbury's - is that really chocolate?) and Belgian chocolate bar (yours for only ukp10000 from Harrods). An~ejo, our official meet porn^Wphotographer, realised her camera batteries had gone flat. Whereupon Rand lazily muttered "Do you need two of these" and promptly produced replacements from the depth of his sack. The assembled afpcontingent was photographed with a man dressed as a large cocoa bean. This mole, convinced that the bean had a hidden agenda, had to be restrained from making Mr Blobby noises at said bean. He also found that An~ejo is extremely ticklish. After a Frenchman cognac-geeked at us for a quarter of an hour, free Remy Martin Cognac, of two different vintages - the VS and the exclusive 1738 - was drunk/quaffed with varying degrees of enthusiasm while the three male AFPers ogled the proud, tumescent charms of a young lady in a 1780s dress - and An~ejo sulked (see quotefile). This would never happen with scumble. We then repaired to a local hostelry selling various "real" "ales" (cave Gid) and reflected upon sex, cats, silly colours, that horrible pukey colour that Fiats come in, sport, AFP, sex, old farts, newbies, sex, the curry flavoured condoms for sale in the Gents and "aging grapes" (a term for the not-exactly-old-fart-but-been-around-for-a-while with which An~ejo christened this mole). Reference was made to the famous Damp Spot of AFPCam. An~ejo extolled the virtues of the A-Plan diet - salad and chocolate. As we disbanded, promises were made to reconvene at AFPHogswatch. Official photos to be available from An~ejo in due course, and hopefully uploaded to Barry R's website. ********************************************************************* Moment of the afternoon: An~ejo's face upon seeing the Maya Gold stand, then upon being offered the wherewithal to purchase by this mole. Disappointment of the afternoon: Not enough free samples, _no_ C^3Bs, and some very ordinary Ivory Coast hot chocolate. The entry price. Irony of the afternoon: Seeing all the attractive young women at the chocolate exhibition attempting to salve their aching consciences with long periods of penance at... the WeightWatchers stand. ********************************************************************* The quotes: Legend: MM - your h.s., A - An~ejo, D - Dmark, R - Rand (in approximate chronological order) A - "I'm fed up with always being the smallest." A - "If you find a woman who _doesn't_ like chocolate, she's definitely a transsexual." A (trying to attract the other meet) - "We should start Pterry geeking very loudly. <pause> Oh no, then we wouldn't be alt.fan.pratchett." MM (to Dmark) - "Have you ever had problems being mistaken for a currency?" A - "All those Czech blokes have such wonderful cheekbones." R - "That's probably due to a lack of protein." A (on seeing the largest choccy bar in the world) "That's REAL?!?!???" MM - "No, it's Cadbury's." MM (obHershey bars) "Until some merkins educated me, I thought a Hershey bar was a lesbian dating agency." A - "I'm a massage slut too." MM - "My mother swears by my neck massage. She usually says bollocks." D - "AFPmeet photos are like those camera shots in travelogue programmes where the crew has to take off and land twice to get the shot in properly." A (obcrashspace) - "In Oxford, I'm not sure whose floor I'm going to sleep on, but I'm sure I'll find somewhere." MM (on seeing an ethnic poster showing a South American man brandishing a very strange weapon) - "That Aztec warrior's threatening me with a Curly Wurly." A (on watching the expressions of naked lust on the faces of her male AFPescorts) - "It's always the same. You think you're out with three nice afpblokes and there's three Lads getting out from under them." A (obemail address) - "It's my dragon. I'm in an Anne McCaffrey fan club." MM - "Anne McCaffrey? <splutter> It's like Mills & Boon with wings!" MM - "But I thought Ecksians were into sheep." R - "Nonononononono, sheep is a myth. It's kangaroos that go up and down." A (about jbex) - "Our IT Department goes 'Oh, Internet, newfangled nonsense. It'll all die out in a few years'"... then she claimed she was the nearest thing they had to a BOFH. A - "We all use Lotus applications at jbex..." MM - "Eurchh..." <grimace> R - "Oi! I'm a Lotus developer!" MM (obStinking Bishop cheese) "It was so on the hum it sounded like a male voice choir". R (obBlow jobs) "This guy I knew had a bad experience with blow jobs: his girlfriend had braces... need I say more?" MM - "Twoinnnngggg!" ********************************************************************* That's all folks. And don't expect me to keep the quotefile for Hogswatch. Four people I can manage, but 100.... -- MegaMole The Official Enrico Basilica Master of the Molehill and AFPHubby to loads now!
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