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Cambridge Finalsmoot: Report

From: Ben Hutchings <>
Subject: [F] Cambridge Finalsmoot quote-file
Date: 26 Aug 1999 01:58:37 GMT
Message-ID: <7q270d$19t$>

In the absence of a proper meet report for Cambridge Finalsmoot
(18-20 June), I thought I might as well at least post the quotes.
So, here they are.


In town

Melusine: It always hurts, but especially the first time.

Peter: It is now obligatory for us to worship Mel.
ccooke: I would, but I'd cover you in mucus.

Sharon (non-afper) on waxing Gid's beard: If you like getting your
hair ripped out by the roots.

Peter: How do you wax virginity?

At the Ancient Druids

Peter: Phantom does the best Cartman voice. Imagine a cross between
Cartman and the Energiser Bunny.

Suzi: It feels like it leaves sticky stuff on your hands, but it doesn't.

Supermouse: Ew, it's crusty!
Ali: I didn't want to know that actually.
Supermouse: You're not the one who has to feel it. (pause) I think
it's time to fumigate my hands.

Ali: We could do it with a couple of volunteers and a stretcher.

(Flashdance plays on the jukebox, courtesy of Suzi)
AfPhantom: You've got to do the dance, Suzi 
Thomas: With full welding gear.
(That might actuaully have been 'wedding', but accuracy is not really
the point here.)

Ali: When i try to bend it, it just rolls.

AfPhantom: It stops the sideways flop i get when i don't wear it.

AfPhantom: Actually my purity score is 17%.
(This was on the 100-question test.)

ccooke (to Jules): You know the way down best.

Jules (to ccooke): I don't want to be your bottom.

AfPhantom (sings): Round and round and up again... No I don't want to


In and near Market Square

AfPhantom: I was covered in chocolate and hundreds-and-thousands and
in a shop window.

AfPhantom: We have a flourishing geekosystem here.

Melusine: You do know my official job is, indeed, sub?

At the Granta

Megamole impersonated Cartman having phonesex, causing Ali to giggle
and shake uncontrollably.
Peter: Stop, you're killing Ali!
Melusine (et al): Oh my god, they killed Ali! You bastards!

Melusine: For a fee I'll do it in private for you, Peter.

Miq: Alex is Peter's illegitimate lovechild?
Peter: And Colm is the mother.

Megamole: Will anyone look in my wallet and see what they find inside?

On and beside the river

Ali: We're looking for a small one here.

Ali (to Peter): Are we going all the way?

Peter: Oh oh! Yielding bottom again.

Supermouse: How many species will I be able to pick out of my lap?

Peter: Do you want to swap sides so I get the wet patch?

Supermouse: Ooh, that's disgusting! Spit!

Nattie: This isn't as see-through as I thought.

Brett: It's just water dripping off his length.

Brett (to Olivia): Your whats-it's more than strokable?

Nattie: It doesn't ever last that long with me.

Barry: I have no bum to speak of.

Going back to Peter's room at Emmanuel

Olivia: I'm like a rose bush among oak trees.
Peter: Show us your prickles then.

Peter: You're staining my floor!

Phantom: You have a large intestine in the middle of your sentence.

The Ancient Druids again

(Barry attempts to hug LNR)
LNR: i'm taken
Stephanie (LNR's sister, non-afper): Frequently, I hope.

Ailbhe: Rob, apparently I'm a lap-dancer. Wanna pimp for me?

At my house

Nattie: What am I sitting on, then?


At my house

Olivia: Don't do that when I'm about to swallow.

ccooke: Thank god for dual sinus passages.

In Dme

Ailbhe: They've gone much further than that.

(about the asterisks in `*vom*')
Olivia: It's `vom' with attitude.
Peter: That sounds like a very bad band.

Olivia: I was on the train, nearly going to the wrong place with Barry
.... no, he just took me on the wrong train.

Ailbhe: `Is that why mummy has a 17 inch purple dildo?'

Ailbhe: I needed one to hold in my hand, and it worked.

Olivia: I think I almost swallowed my kneecap at some point this morning.

Emmanuel college again (ccooke, Peter, Nattie and I)

ccooke: Are the two of you conspiring to buy Nattie?

Peter (to Nattie): That's perfectly decent - it's just suggestive.

Ben Hutchings -,
Team *AMIGA* | Jay Miner Society | Linux - the choice of a GNU generation
We get into the habit of living before acquiring the habit of thinking.
                                                              - Albert Camus

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