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MancAFPmeet - The Next Generation: Report

From: Martyn Clapham <>
Subject: [F] Manc meet, personal impressions.
Date: Sat, 9 Oct 1999 23:46:02 +0100
Message-ID: <QyFIdIAqW8$>

This isn't a proper meet report as the meet is still going on and I'm
sure that someone better qualified will do that. ( Anyway, the half hour
after 8pm passed in rather a daze, an explanation for this is bound to
be in the meet report! :-) )

Anyway, thanks to Alex for organising a wonderful meet. It was nice to
put faces to a few more names and my new T-shirt seemed to go down well.
Mind you so did the chocolate!

Thanks again all and hope to see you at the mini-meet after the Nov.
12th signing.

Afpengaged to Carol. Kept under control by the wonderfully mysterious
Naomi X and the superlative Supermouse. Severly Ogged!
Afpurity = 49% old test, 37% new test. Beyond the point of no return! :-)

From: "Stu" <stuart>
Subject: Manchester afpmeet.
Date: Mon, 11 Oct 1999 02:05:00 +0100
Message-ID: <7trd6b$urc$>

Bloody Hell.
What a weekend.My very first Meet, and I just left it around Midnight
I am a bit knackered but have to take the time to post this before slipping
into a welcoming coma.
Errr...Stuck for words actually.Had my (previously battered) faith in
humanity restored this weekend and want to say thanks for a fantastic time
to lots of people,* deep breath*
 Pam,(Choc coinessieur and world champ hugger) Naomi, Alex, Doofer, Andy,
Sarah(fending them off) Kevin, Charles, Leon, Slav, Mart( being fended) Mary
and Darren(thanks for the hospitality folks, and for turning Alex into the
worlds biggest Action man/Barbie doll hybrid...)
And Chorus of Goths, Dwarves and 1000 elephants!!!!
Alright. Goths.
So....Who's up for a Pint then?
Sometimes I lie awake at night and wonder,where the years have gone
They have all passed under Sleeps Dark and Silent Gate.

From: Martyn Clapham <>
Subject: [F] Manchester afpmeet.
Date: Sat, 16 Oct 1999 18:39:28 +0100
Message-ID: <>

In article <>, Naomi
<> writes

[ snip list of Manchester meet attendees ]

>Hmmm you've missed one *VERY* important AFPer out I'm afraid!  Garner
>happens to be a bonefidy afper. He regularly ircs and has posted to the
>froup and that it has to be said was from a Mancunian computer and not
>one in this Sunny region (grin).  He even counts enough to make
>Seeing as though you're new to meets and I like you I'll let you off
>*Just this once* (smile and mega hug).
>Not sure about my spelling so please forgive any slips today.

You _must_ have had a good time if you are saying that Garner was there,
as if I remember correctly I was told that he wasn't there because he
had been naughty.

I certainly didn't see him, but there again I was distracted.

Mart - wondering just how distracted you have to be to miss Garner!
Afpengaged to Carol. Kept under control by the wonderfully mysterious
Naomi X and the superlative Supermouse. Severly Ogged!
Afpurity = 49% old test, 37% new test. Beyond the point of no return! :-)

From: "Kevin Hackett" <>
Subject: [F] Manchester meet reportish
Date: Sat, 23 Oct 1999 23:35:19 +0100
Message-ID: <7utdl1$dqm$>

Alex was going to make this report, but due to all sorts of things he's
a bit up to his neck in unmanagables, so I sort of volunteered to do the
meet report, or at least the part I could hear over the music.  The pub
really was FAR too loud, so I'm afraid that the report will mainly
involve what I could hear near me and see around.  Please add the bits
you were close enough to hear.  Also, I was not originally going to be
doing this, so I made no real effort to get all the details.  That and
my usual attack of the 'vaguely's means all sorts of other stuff is
going to slip past.
Alex, just remember to send in the quote file.


The plan was to meet up in Manchester about 2pm Saturday for a few hours
of chatting and drinking. I got there an hour late but luckily everyone
had gathered and there was already a large enough pile of chocolates and
toys to take the guesswork out of introductions.  As it turned out the
pub was across the road from there I'd lived during my first year of
University, so serious nostalgia attacks ensued.

At the meet were (working from memory, which is a bit like cutting your
Sunday Roast with a knife made from ice, not much chance of success
getting less all the time):
Naomi, Homicide, Dooferlad, Alex Page, Sarah (Nanny Ogg by name), Pam
Harrison (Nanny Ogg by practically everything else), Ccooke, Martyn
Clapham, Slav, Mary Capel and her fella Darren, Andy, Leon Bubb and
almost certainly more who will get offended by me forgetting them when
they should know that I'm hard put to remember myself.

Introductions were made and chocolates and toys were making their home
on the table. Toys in this case being my bean bag toy of Marvin the
Martian's dog, a rubber duck, a smaller furry vibrating duck and a
vibrating turtle. Stu proceeded to balance these in ways that would
seriously concern Animal Welfare people, not to mention the film
censors. With the introduction of a menu this turned into 'Toy Theatre',
including Rapunzel and the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet.  The
vibrating duck was for a while in constant demand, as was Sarah.
Unfortunately, all I got was the duck ;-)

Conversations and alcohol ensued, with the conversations getting more
insular as the music got louder and louder. Any time someone complained
the music got just that bit louder, to the point where a quiet word
meant yelling into the other person's ear.  Still, much chatting was
achieved but it was difficult to get it to spread over the table.  I
spent most of the time chatting to Pam, so if anyone could add any
conversations they heard, here's the spot.

Some people left quickly, others left reluctantly, more turned up at
random.  For a while we were visited by two vampires, which was nice.
Big, pointy teeth, must make biting your nails a bit risky.  Alex
managed to get a very tall skinny Goth to sit on him for a while, which
was... erm... probably nice for him.

Toward the end of the night, people started to thin out and the music
became pretty much bearable. At closing, and still going strong, the
afp-meet now comprised of me, Alex Page, Ccooke, Stu, Mary Capel (the
last two going to their first ever afp-meet and about to get more than
they expected), and Leon.

The last train to Dewsbury was 11:54, so I was making plans to catch it
when we managed to convince ourselves that a nice meal was required.
Dooferlad was a bit wary of approaching Moss Side without a few extra
targets to draw fire, so Alex, Charles and myself escorted him and ran
off with a bottle of vodka (It was Alex!  Honest!  I don't even drink
vodka).  We attempted to rendezvous with the others, using the very
detailed guide of 'That big white Indian restaurant, something like
Shere Khan'.  Somehow, this worked.  More drinking and food and
chatting, although for a moment Stu looked like a Jackson Pollok was en
route mid-starter.  False alarm.  This was fun, to the point where I
only felt a slight dread when I checked my watch during the meal and
discovered that it was 12:38.  Ooops!

Lucky I missed that train, meet still had a fair bit of life in it. We
decided to head over to Stu's house to see what sort of dent we could
put into his wine supply.  We sat and talked and drank and read a bit of
fanfic about 'The Daleks vs. the Tellytubbies' while the South Park
album played in the background. It was getting so late at this point
that it was getting early, but even though people were tired we decided
that the meet could not end. I had reached the point in the night where
the short amount of sleep I would've had would be worse than no sleep at
all, so While everyone but me and Stu caught a taxi to Mary's and Stu
went to sleep, I watched TV with Planck, Stu's cat. Big cat, Planck.
Fond of Blakes7.


Next morning, Stu let in his two ponies... I mean dogs. VERY big dogs.
Cassie was a walking hair distributer, and Robbie goes nuts when he
meets anybody. I've somehow always been good with dogs, so Robbie came
over and didn't freak out, and Cassie covered me in hairs. We walked
them and then watched repeats of old BBC sci-fi. Doctor Who, Blakes7
again, that sort of thing.

When Mary's house began to stir (nothing to do with the fact that we
called about mid-day and woke them up ;-) ), we decided to go over and
carry on the meet. This was easier said than done, because although we
had an address and a vague idea, the plan of getting as far as we know
and asking for directions was dampened by a peculiar piece of Manchester
slang.  Apparently, 'Excuse me' is actually slang for 'Please could you
stare at the ground and hurry past, I have a sudden urge to talk to your
rapidly retreating head'. Despite this breakdown in communication, we
managed to waylay a pensioner couple who were waiting at a bus stop so
they couldn't pretend they were too busy and had to give in and give us

Reaching Mary's house, we roused Alex from his stupor and headed off for
a nice pub dinner. In fact a very nice pub dinner. Very nice pub. very
nice dinner.  More alcohol and chatting ensued, and a horse wearing
fishnets walked past the window which diverted us from both for a while.
We wandered back to Mary's for a marathon Blakes7 viewing (Mary's
husband Darren had joined in again and had every episode on video).
There was a definite Blakes7 theme to this meet...

I checked train times, and luckily even on a Sunday the last train was
11:20, so even when Charles and Leon had to leave I stayed on.  Stu
dissappeared for a while but came back again.  Toward the evening we
even got the Trivial Pursuit out and got questions like 'What is another
name for "pocket billiards"?', so we were of use to no bugger.  We were
tipsy/relaxed enough at this point so that Mary mentioned how she had a
French Maid's outfit. We were also tipsy/relaxed enough at this point so
that Alex volunteered to model it.  Now, Alex it rather a lot taller
than Mary, so for the sake of humanity he kept his boxer shorts on. Now
picture five people who had never met before enjoying a game of Trivial
Pursuit, one of us dressed on a French Maid's outfit and boxer shorts...
it was a Kodak moment.

The time was now after midnight. Mild panic, but luckily Mary still had
a camp bed set up that I could use. The talking carried on until after
1am, whereupon Stu headed home and Alex led me to the bedroom... that
doesn't sound right.  It didn't help that Mary has two cats and was
using this fact to it's full innuendo effect.


Got up nice and early. Well, early. I'd had about 6-7 hours sleep that
weekend and I had to go to work in the same clothes I'd been wearing all
this time (work is about 2 minutes walk from Dewsbury train station,
home is about 30 mins.). Much thanking and hugging of Mary, and luckily
only thanking of Darren, and off we set. Darren dropped me off at the
station, I caught the next train to Dewsbury, I raced to work and
managed to get in about three minutes early for work, much the worse but
happier for wear.

There's something so much more fun about unplanned enjoyment...

I really wish I could remember more.  Please fill some gaps in if you
can (if you see what I mean).

'Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your duck'

From: (Alex Page)
Subject: [F] Manchester AFPmeet TNG - Quote File (at last!)
Date: Mon, 01 Nov 1999 11:38:26 GMT
Message-ID: <>

Hi everyone, sorry for the delay...

But before we start, a quick quote from Dooferlad about 3 days ago:
"You have to get it in before the next meet!"

"We could tell you, but we'd have to kill you.
 So we're going to tell you" - The Irony Badgers


"What could be more perverse than an AFPer?" - Andrew
"Someone who collects 8 bodily fluids on his trousers?" - Alex

"I just geeked horribly!" - Alex

"You can't be on AFP if you're allergic to nuts" - Alex

"I'm sitting in the wrong place with a weak bladder!" - Stu

"James, you're getting things damp again!" - Alex

"The twelve inch has been released" - Slarv

"The vibrations go straight up your seat" - Naomi

"Oh God! Oh God!" - Andrew

"You have to lick your fingers afterwards" - Pam

"I avoid engaging my brain wherever possible" - Alex

"If it doesn't make the quote file, it's not filthy" - Pam

"I haven't got used to not having an aperture ring" - Stu

"I may not ever get this dog back, but it'll have been worth it"
     - Kevin

"Spare batteries always come in handy" - Pam

"You can get rid of the walnut and just have the whip" - Stu

"You're good at the bad end" - Kevin

"Poor sod; he looked exactly like Alex" - Stu

"What is the duck doing in the chocolate?" - Andrew

"I want to fsck [1] you like an animal" - Doofs -> Pam

"I want to adopt Kenny!" - Stu

"Take that any way you like" - Andrew

"Two friends of mine are getting choppered in" - Alex

"My friend knows two phrases in beer" - Alex

"You know what's good about AFPers? They're all enthusiastic. Not
necessarily in the right direction, but enthusiastic" - Pam

"Give them to Naomi to sniff for a while" - Stu

"Go on... you know you want me to..." - Alex

"3 all - it's a tie!" - Alex
"Tying up! Yes!!!" - Stu

"I had my revenge on her when she was lying in bed, prone" - Alex

"If you're not eating the nut, give it to me!" - Pam

"Anyone in leather trousers is fair game" - just about everyone :)

"Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your duck." - Kevin

[A repeat quote from the Lancaster gathering]
"I shared a futon with 4 of the sexiest AFPers, until 5am, and now I'm
knackered" - Homicide (concerning Livi, Anejo, Supermouse & Joy)

"Stones or inches?" - Nanny Ogg

"We can do it sober" - Naomi

"It comes in a six inch diameter" - Stu
"It's very hard to get a six inch plunger" - Stu

"It's got potential" - Mary

"You've seen his little thing" - Naomi

"I'm not a creep... much" - Alex

"Only you can see that, and think of a pair of buttocks"
     - Kevin -> Stu

"I want to see your buttocks now!" - Mary

"There are loose nuts in that box" - Homicide
"Ooh, nuts!" - Pam

"How many urges have I got my hands on?" - Pam

"I can't flash, my batteries have gone" - Pam

"Grovel at my feet, I don't mind!" - Mary

"How many have you had?" - Mary

"Why don't you phone your husband and tell him you got a better
offer?" - Mary

"More of a tart than Peter Ellis" - Mary

"A great artist never thinks of his tools" - Stu

"It's really theraputic; I could squeeze it all night" - Mary

"I am sweetness and innocence itself!" - Alex

"If he's scared, I'll tell him that it's my first time" - Mary

"I will if you will... well, I will anyway." - Alex

"Will you stop jiggling?" - Mary
"I CAN'T HELP IT!! It's a rhythmic thing." - Stu

"That's an unusual way to come on to someone!" - Mary

"I am pure. Trust me on this" - Ccooke

"He was in the middle of the field, and I was doing it for charity"
     - Ccooke

"I keep putting my hand in wet stuff!" - Stu

"I've forgotten, but it was funny" - Leon

"Next time I know that there's an AFPmeet, I shall buy a bigger
chicken" - Mary

"We should all be very curious about your wife's buttocks"
     - Mary -> Stu

"Suddenly, everyone's sleeping at my house and talking about
chickens!" - Mary

"I can't have this - one behind Alex..." - Mary

"That's not a 'mouthful' thing to say" - Kevin

"He puts snow on the balls" - Stu

"So he's in bed with his wife and he's thinking of child abuse?"
     - Darren

"What have I just come in on?" - Mary

"I like 'em docile." - Captain of the prisoner ship 'London' (B7)

"Death by Mr. Whippy" - Mary

"I've had a few sweaty moments myself!" - Roj Blake

"If I press this, does it go down?" - Kevin

"I just wanted the taste" - Mary

"You don't want it to affect your performance, you want to be in peak
condition!" - Mary

"That's got to be bad for her throat" - Kevin

"Some people enjoy that sort of thing!" - Alex (lots)

"Down your underpants is one of the best places" - Kevin

"I don't imagine that it's a recreational aid" - Kerr Avon

"That used to happen the other 364 days of the week" - Stu

"What can swirl to form ganglions" - Trivial Pursuit question

"I wondered why you were sitting queer" - Kevin -> Alex

"You can't go round and get six pink ones in there" - Darren

"I'm going to hold you to that!" - Mary

"Oh God... the Gaza Stripped!" - Alex

"We're doing a hard one here" - Mary

"Give him a hard one!" - Mary re: Stu

"Kevin's got one in his pocket" - Alex

[IRC-style action description]
* Stu attempts to clap a fly, falls off his beanbag and collapses
     giggling on the floor

"I'll accept cocaine" - Stu

"Geek break! Mary's showing her tits!" - Darren

"Check his hair when he comes down" - Kevin
"That's what we must worry about" - Darren

"Gimme some headphones" - Kevin
"Is that a Stingray quote?" - Stu

"I am sure Alex will fill it" - Mary

"If he threw a 3 now, he'd be pink forward and brown backwards"
     - unattributed

"Brown please" - Kevin
"I just dropped one" - Stu

"He wants to look at your bits" - Mary

"It'll be easier for you to get in when I pull out" - Darren

"Let me re-phrase that" - Kevin (lots!)

[1] OK, so it wasn't so geeky, but this is a family froup...

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