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Nottingham: Report


From: sssogadr@reading.ac.uk (Adrian Ogden)
Newsgroups: alt.fan.pratchett
Subject: [F] Meet Report: Nottingham Meet, Feb 10th
Date: 13 Feb 2001 15:03:37 GMT
Message-ID: <96bic9$fei$1@susscsc1.reading.ac.uk>


There now follows the meet report for Supermouse's Nottingham meet.
This was compiled by the last survivors, namely Supermouse, Aquarion
and myself.  Largely by them, actually, but the final editing and
posting has fallen to me.

Mwahahaha!

Ahem...

Supermouse takes up the tale:

    -------------------------------------------------------------

The meet was foreshadowed by the arrival of Santa[7a] in his aspect of
Ingvar, bearing gifts of salty liquorice, reindeer meat and (araka?) to
stranded unfortunates. The reindeer meat was quickly smothered in cream
and mushrooms and was absolutely delicious. Hurrah, another Swedish
delicacy that I love and cannot buy over here. Thank you Ingvar, I
think... :0)

So much for Rudolph.

Saturday afternoon was given over to showing Ingvar *all* of Nottingham
City Centre. The trip to the cheese shop was entirely necessary. Really.
[7a] Showing someone the sights of Nottingham in February is not the
same experience as showing them after, say, a nice hot picnic in August.

We had to eat, and the Trippe was full, so we ended up in a place that
couldn't quite decide if it was a cafe, a bar or a restaurant.
Eventually the staff decided that we might be more paying customers to
add to the ... four that were already seated elsewhere.

Ingvar ordered a fried fish. I ordered Soup of the Day (it turned out
to be cheese. Of course). The fish, which had to be freshly cooked,
arrived... and eventually the soup.

We did not leave a large tip.

Then we trudged off to the station, meeting Aquarion as we grabbed a
coffee or several, and discovering Hippo at the same time. Nikki was due
in an hour, and the time was spent well, discussing a mix of life the
universe and nothing really[1]. But, as the time ticked ever closer to
Nikki's impending arrival, we stood up and attempted to look visible
with the aid of fluffy toys, Cheese, Tom Lehrer and large leather
jackets.

And we stood there.

And we continued to stand there.

And the atmosphere continued to show a marked lack of Nikkiosity[2].

Nikki turned out to be late due to something which was almost entirely
Aardvark's fault. Probably[3].

And Lo! Nikki did arrive, and verily was the city of Nottingham blessed
with Leahfulness[4]! And thusly and verily was the bus caught, and the
empire forged.

Talking of empires, whilst taking the bus to the Rat-Cage a brand new
evil empire was forged in the form of Supermouse's proposed new
restaurant venture, going by the simple name of "Eat Food Here".

Naturally, what has started cannot be allowed to lie, so various
expansions of the new company were suggested.

Eat Curry Here (Curry House) - for food no longer fit for the restaurant

Drink Alcohol Here (Bar)  - natural progression...

Drink Wine Here (yuppie bar) - at this point we may need the money

Click Here (The website) - to advertise the restaurant

I Was Here (Undertakers) - because chefs make mistakes

Go Over There (Travel Agents) - sometimes one needs to be able to leave 
                                in a hurry

Wish You Were Here...? (Immigration) -  by now we need more waiters

You Are Here (Tourist Information) - more advertising! replacement 
	                             customers...

Hear Here - if by now we can afford a Westminster address

Come Here (Unspecified shop in Soho) - by this time we hope to have 
        caught the attention of Influential Politicians...

Be Here (Honey Farm). - Because by now we need to retire somewhere   
                        quiet. Somewhere where lawyers don't know...

We've had some thoughts on advertising, but new restaurants have to be
properly announced:

Advertising:
Who's Here?     (stage one poster)
Nearly Here     (replacement for S1)
We Are Here     (opening slogan)


By this time the entire company is either bankrupt or has taken over the
entire world. Which is lucky, because the bus was at our stop. [7a]

By this time it was 17:45. The meet starts in 15 minutes, the pub is at
least 30 mins away, it's dark, but at least nobody is wearing
sunglasses.

So we call everyone a cab[5] and Supermouse silently thanks Jester &
George for being there as a collection point for people who are on time.

And verily and thusly do we speed down the roads towards the pub.
Passing houses, shops and trees, Cars and vans, taxis and traffic lights
galore. All except one set, which we - along with the rest of our
personal traffic jam, were stuck behind for many minutes. Although in
true AFP style, it took us 10 minutes to notice we had stopped...

But we made it. Just. If not in one piece, then in the same number of
pieces in which we got into the taxi. 

(Adrian Ogden takes over, in the third person for some reason:)

Meanwhile back at the pub, Adrian had arrived first. This despite having
lost his directions and being unable to remember the name of the pub.
He'd dealt with this by just going into the nearest one, and was only
reassured he was in the right place by the arrival of CCooke and DMark.
Tables became available and were promptly commandeered, and none too
soon.  Kincaid, Naomi, Aardvark, George and Jester had already joined
the throng by the time Supermouse et al. walked in the door.

(Aquarion wrests the keyboard from Adrian's cold, dead fingers.[7a])[6] 

AFPMeetyness happened. Geeks Geeked. Drinkers Drank. Supermouse failed
an awareness/notice roll:

SM: "Where. Is. My. Liquorice?"
Aq: "Beside you."[7]
SM: "bugger"
* SM stops threatening Aq with Bicycle Puncture Repair Kit.
* Aq looks very relieved. [7a]

Quoters Quoted.

Ccooke: So what you have there is a bag of Pic'n'mix evil?

Ccooke: No one can read my handwriting
Supermouse: I can. But then I'm into cryptology.

George: Smell it! It's raspberry scented.

Supermouse: "I can get out of handcuffs by dislocating my thumb"
Kincaid: "Why not just use the safe word like everyone else..."

Supermouse: No! I'm not going to quote myself!

Adrian: It's protected from evil mind-control rays and it did *that* to 
        a blowfish?

Aquarion: These are okay if I take them slowly. I resisted the urge to bite.

Aquarion: My sixth form was like one big afpmeet without the alcohol

TFLA: "I am one of those people who make the trains run on time" 
        <naomi chokes>

Aquarion: "It came the same way the last one did. Don't eat the penguin!"

TFLA to Supermouse: "It was dark and you don't know where you're 
        sleeping"

Ingvar (smiling evilly, arms folded, gently stroking the penguin in his 
        arms): "Ah, Mr Gates..."

Omnes:  Our Chocolate, which art in wrappers,
        Maya be Thy name.
        Thy opening come;
        Thou will be eaten
        In pubs as Thou art in houses.

        Give us this day our daily bar
        And forgive our Cadbury's 
        As we forgive those who Nestle against us
        Lead us not into Woolworths 
        But deliver us to Thorntons

        For mine is the cocoa,
        The powder and the solid
        Forever and ever
                All mine.

Adrian: As pennance for that you shall say three Hail Mayas.

Supermouse: You could've waited until I'd swallowed!

Ccooke to Aquarion: Yes, but you're a *pantomime* actor 
Aquarion: No I'm not!
Supermouse: <dissolves into laughter>

(Thanks to Ccooke for ensuring that all these quotes remain online 
until the internet crumbles to dust. No Really, I do mean it, 
In total sincerity...)


(Supermouse now takes a turn typing:)

Punners Punned[10], beer and food happened and the changing of the menu
inspired a round of applause.  The Victoria does do a beautiful menu.
The Yin Yang of afp was built out of a hippo and a blowfish. The hippo
was discovered to be capable of evil laughter. We admired George's
scented body art. Naomi (Ladylark or, now, Cyril), Jester and George
departed.  Eventually, it was closing time.

We said goodbye to Hippo who went off to his hotel and back to the rat-
cage. I introduced some of afp to Stefan Bednarczyk. This was deemed a
good thing to have done and there was much talk about how to get the
music from vinyl to mp3. Kincaid's cookies were accepted to enjoy a
more personalised meet experience, while the other Ccookie introduced
us to the TMBG-ish strains of Moxy Fruvous.

After a while, Kincaid left for sunny Arnold. Talk continued long
into the night, touching upon the crap life can throw at one, the
advisability of having #movie on irc, roleplaying and other topics.
Ingvar succumbed to a need to sleep. 

Leah also gave up in exhaustion at 5:14 am (timing exact because of
a bet on how long it would take to get the air mattress inflated. It
takes just about five minutes to inflate.).  

(Aq: "Just About" means "Exactly, and there is no way to do it faster",
although SM decided that this information was best unmentioned until later.)


Another subject discussed, and worthy of special mention, was the
long distance horse ride to raise money for ME research:

    http://www.2001odyssey.org.uk/  

I want to do this, and after surviving this weekend I think I probably
shall.


Night became day and still we talked. This Rodent was subjected to a
long interrogation after being accused of being an Evil Minion, but
survived with integrity intact[7a]. Ccooke cooked breakfast for those
that remained[12], or at least remained awake[13].  Slowly the numbers
dwindled until by evening everyone had gone, and I could sleep again. 

That concludes the meet report, now here is the shipping forecast[14].

FORTIES, CROMARTY, FORTH:
SOUTHWESTERLY 4, OCCASIONALLY 5. OCCASIONAL RAIN.  MODERATE OR GOOD 

TYNE, DOGGER, FISHER, GERMAN BIGHT:
NORTHWEST BACKING WEST 3 OR 4. MAINLY FAIR. GOOD

    -------------------------------------------------------------

The feetneet:

[1] Aquarion takes over typing the report, and almost immediately runs
into a Douglas Adams quote. All surprised raise hands now...

[2] Nikki hadn't arrived yet. Supermouse thinks this should be "Lack of
Leahfulness, but I'm doing the typing. Nah.

[3] Although he wasn't within miles, he works for them, so we can blame
him. [7a]

[4] I give in sometimes.  [7a]

[5] "You're a cab!" [7a]

[6] Poisoning AFPers in the meet? Me? Hmmmmmm

[7] There, There on the chair. Right there. Liquorice with Saaaaaalt in!
There on the chair... (Okay. I didn't sing it. But I *should* have)

[7a] This is, in fact, A Lie. [9]

[9] This footnote nominated for Lifetime Achievement Award[7a]

[10] And were punnished with the use of a fines box.[11] (Supermouse:)As
it is coming up to Comic Relief Day and as Comic Relief is afp's Other
Favourite Charity, it has been deemed appropriate to actually pay fines
until March 16th. And then to hand them over.

[11] Aq: Curse them and all their crackpot organization.

[12] For which I, for one., was very, very grateful.

[13] Adrian: Someone could've woken me up for that!  Waah!

[14] Adrian: I guess you had to be there...


The attendees:

Supermouse
Ingvar (Gruk)
Aquarion
Mark Datko (Dmark / Hippo)
Nikki (LeahW)
Jester
George (Flabberghast)
Ccooke
Adrian Ogden
Kincaid
Aardvark (TFLA)
Cyril (Naomi, aka Ladylark)


-- 
Supermouse, Adrian & Aquarion


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