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Clarecraft Discworld Event 2001: Report


From lonecat@gwydion.net Wed Aug 22 17:15:19 2001
From: LoneCat <lonecat@gwydion.net>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.pratchett
Subject: A brief tale of CCDE
Date: Wed, 22 Aug 2001 23:15:19 +0100
Message-ID: <3B842EF7.E97D832@gwydion.net>
Reply-To: lonecat@gwydion.net
X-Accept-Language: en

Don't ask.  It's not like you're going to get a sensible answer.
____________________________________________________________

The battle lines were drawn at dawn.

The first shot was fired when the one known mostly as Aquarion appeared,
equipped with his optimised battle shorts, codenamed 'doomshorts'. 
These have a range of a few hundred metres and can cause serious injury
and blindness, especially when uncautiously handled.  For a long time
people pondered how the opposition could respond to such a lethal
initial strike.  We waited with baited breath and shaded eyes.

Then at last the opposition made their move, fielding the one known as
Pthomas.  Pthomas appeared armed with the 'postcard shirt', codenamed
'posthumus'.  This fearsome garment is notable chiefly for its extreme
tackiness.  The suggestion was made of a posthumus/doomshorts
combination, causing instant death amongst some of the weaker members of
each side.  Collateral damage is, sadly, a feature of many battles, as
is the phenomenon known as 'friendly fire'.

We collected the remaining troops.  The one known mostly as Aquarion
took up a defensive position, abandoning the doomshorts in favour of
'eyecandy'.  These were a pair of striped trousers, not an overly
offensive weapon but effective in repelling the oposition.  It seemed
that things had reached an impasse, as the one known as Pthomas was
reluctant to abandon posthumas.  We began to wonder how much longer they
could hold out.

We hoped that the evening might bring some resolution to the stalemate. 
The one known as Pthomas did not produce any weapon more offensive than
posthumas.  Instead he took an entirely different approach, abandoning
posthumas for 'strokeable', one of the most powerful defensive shields
available.  After witnessing this the one known mostly as Aquarion
appeared to be making a retreat, abandoning both the doomshorts and
eyecandy.  However, to our surprise he made a sudden attack, bearing the
fearsome weapon known only as 'lookaway'.  The collateral damage was
breathtaking.  Even in the dark, people over three hundred metres away
were blinded, and the death toll closer in was horrific.  White balances
on cameras crumpled up in agony.  The one known as Pthomas didn't stand
a chance.  Not even strokable could protect him against the true horror
that was lookaway.  Victorious, the one known mostly as Aquarion but now
primarily as 'Sir' stepped across the prone bodies to retrieve his prize
- the cache of ancient treasure dating back thousands of years.  The
gold of the Maya.

The battle was over.
________________________________________________________
-- 
Susan/LoneCat, AFPgoddess of indecision
Afpiancee to Rand and Dragon Prince, Aquarion's adoptee
My vanity domain: http://www.lonecat.org/
I am the cat who walks by herself


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