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Durham Meeting Mary Meet: Report

From: "Jenny Radcliffe" <>
Subject: [F] Meeting Mary Meet, A Report
Date: Sun, 14 Oct 2001 15:55:08 +0100
Message-ID: <9qc993$lk6gr$>

Disclaimer: At no point was I delegated to write this report, but,
on the other hand, neither was anyone else, and the whole meet was
my fault, so I'm writing it.

Attendance List:

Truly There:
Jenny Radcliffe
Andrew Gray
Mark "Hippo" Datko
Martyn "That Martyn Clapham" Clapham
Edwin Brady
Mary Messall
Julie "Ingenious Paradox", Surname Unknown
Robert, Husband of the Above
Christopher, Small and Engaging Child of the two Above
Chris Morris

Mary Perkins
Jennifer Gray, who is *not*, as I had assumed, the sister of Andrew

Brief Appearances by:
Richard Cordiner
Emily "President of the Students' Union" Fieran-Reed, in confusion
Large portions of the Durham University Assassins Society, and their
The good staff of the Riverside Cafe of the DUrham Students' Union,
and their skill at producing the Food Groups of Caffiene and Lard
Some Reporters from the Sunday Sun

Two hippos, one with a large zip-up mouth, and one which barked
A teddy of the most archetypal type
A squeaking, walking Killer Bunny Of Death as from Monty Python's
Holy grail, being called Tim
A yawning Bagpuss
A genuine S.U.S.e. Tux
Lots and Lots of Sticklebricks and things kindly leant by
Christopher, Son of the Ingenious Paradox

1. Chapter 1: Meeting Andrew
1.1. In the beginning, there was a Concrete Monstrosity, and it was
called Dunelm House, and it was also called Dunelm, and it was
filled with the Purpose of being the Students' Union of the
University of Durham.
1.2. And there was me, and I walked into it.
1.3. And at the top of the stairs there was a student, and I knew it
was a student, for I am wise in the ways of students and I recognise
one when I see one.
1.4. And he did say "Jenny?"
1.5. And I was alarmed, for I did not recognise him, except in the
sense that he was a student, but I was brave, and I did say "Yes?"
1.6. And he said that he was Andrew
1.7. And I saw that the Meet had begun
1.8. And I saw that it was good.

2. Chapter 2: Meeting Hippo and Martyn
2.1. We went down the stairs unto the café, and we did see some
people who were not students.
2.2. And we did know they were not students, for I am wise in the
ways of students, and I recognise non-students when I see them.
2.3. And I did recognise one of them, for he was Hippo.
2.4. And we did introduce our companions unto each other, and his
companion was Martyn.
2.5. And there were many soft toys, and I saw that it was good.

3. Chapter 3: Riverside Café, and a Telephonic Guest
3.1. We went into the café, and we did find a table, and we did
dispose our soft toys, and we did gossip.
3.2. And Mary Perkins did ring Martyn from Manchester to tell him
that a miracle had occurred and electrons had been diffracted, and
so she was added to the List of People who Had Been At The Meet.
3.3. And my ex-boyfriend did appear, and he did not bat an eyelid
that I was sitting with some people and some soft toys, and I was
impressed, for he is very conventional, notwithstanding black
clothes, long hair and an earring.
3.4. And although he did not stay long, I add him to the List of
People who Had Been At The Meet, for he did lend me many of the
books of the Man In The Hat, and so he should be considered with
3.5. And we did chatter.
3.6. And I saw that it was good.

4. Chapter 4: Meeting Mary and Edwin and Breakfast
4.1. And Mary and Edwin did arrive, and they did have more soft
4.2. And Hippo did give Mary books about Yorkshire, and we did have
a repeat of the Wars of the Roses, for Martyn is from Lancashire.
4.3. And Edwin and I said let there be lard.
4.4. And there was a lardy breakfast.
4.5. And the others saw that it was good, and did get food for
themselves also.
4.6. And it was good.

5. Chapter 5: Kingsgate Bar, A Not-Even-Lurker-Yet, and a Telephonic
5.1. We did migrate upstairs to the Bar, for in the café it was
noisy, and we were waiting for the telephone call of the Ingenious
Paradox, who is also called Julie.
5.2. And we were joined by Chris Morris, who is not even yet a
Lurker, but who is a fan of the books of the Man In The Hat, and who
is wise in many afp-ish ways and would not be an unworthy afper.
5.3. And Jennifer Gray did ring Andrew, who is not as I had thought
her brother
5.4. And it was her birthday, so we did say happy birthday
5.5. And we do have high hopes that she will be able to visit the
next Durham meet, and I assure her that I am thinking of good ways
to convince her parents that we aren't mad, really.
5.6. And thus she was added to the List of People who Had Been At
The Meet.

6. Chapter 6: Meeting Julie and Robert and Christopher
6.1. And Julie did ring.
6.2. And I did give her directions to our location, and I did do
this by waving my arms in the air, and people did laugh at me, for
Julie could not see me on the phone.
6.3. And I did go out to meet Julie, and I was accosted by Reporters
from the Sunday Sun.
6.4. And they did interview me on the subject of testing drinks
against spiking, and I did want to laugh at them, for I am a Boring
Old Fart in the making and I do not frequent places where spiking
does take place.
6.5. And while this was happening, the President of the Students
Union did look at the Meet and the soft toys, and was perplexed.
6.6. And Martyn did fear we might be ejected, but Edwin did say we
should have no fear, for he is a Shareholder in the Company, which
runs the bar.
6.7. And we were joined by Julie, and with her, her Husband, Robert,
and her small Child, Christopher.
6.8. And we did chatter further, but Christopher did object, and so
we did leave the building.
6.9. And this was, very likely, good.

7. Chapter 7: The Great Outdoors
7.1. We did wander by the river and we did tell urban legends.
7.2. We did describe the mini suspended from the bridge, although
this is no urban legend and did indeed happen, and we did talk on
all manner of subjects.
7.3. We did sit in the cloisters of the Cathedral and we did listen
to music, for there was a rehearsal of the Durham Sinfonia within,
and it did sound good.
7.4. We did stand on Palace Green and talk yet further, and get in
the way of drivers.
7.5. And Julie and Robert were most kind and did invite us to go to
their house and eat pizza, and so we did.
7.6. And it was good.

8. Chapter 8: Pizza and Gossip and Toys at Julie and Robert and
8.1. And we did trek, by means of the car belonging to Martyn and a
bus belonging to Arriva, for there were many of us, to the house of
Julie and Robert.
8.2. And we did build models out of sticklebricks, and we did read
Thomas the Tank Engine books.
8.3. And Edwin did build a model in Sticklebricks of a New and
Improved Version of the Concrete Monstrosity in which the Meet had
Met, although anything is an improvement so this is not special
8.4. And Mary did build a bi-plane
8.5. And we did all peer nosily at the bookshelves, and saw that
they were good.
8.6. And we did observe on the Shelf many CDs, of Bach and Elgar and
Chopin, and in amongst them, we did see the Pink Floyd "Momentary
Lapse of Reason", which seemed most apposite.
8.7. And we did talk, and eat pizza, and chocolate.
8.8. And Edwin and I did persuade Andrew to join the Computing
Society, and I do believe that he will be the most unusual
recruitment of the year, for he has joined the society sitting on
the living room floor of someone he had never met before, recruited
by more people who had met previously neither him nor the owners of
the floor.
8.9. And it was good.

9. Chapter 9: Home time
9.1. And eventually we did all go home. At least, Edwin and Chris
and I did walk home to Durham.
9.2. And this was our meet, and it did contain chocolate, soft toys
and children's books, although it did contain no alcohol.
9.3. And it was, I think, good.

Quotes, as recorded by the Not-Even-Lurker-Yet, Chris
"Scattering his love on a pristine lampshade" - someone overheard in
the Bar

"Do we have any toy horses?" - Martyn Clapham
"You mean apart from that one?" - Edwin Brady
"Yes" - Martyn

"I know all about the layers of clothes Chris wears" - Edwin

"Infant builders.  Does that mean we can build an infant?" - Edwin

"There's nothing wrong with badgers.  Badgers are lovely." - Andrew

"You look like you have some bizarre skin disease" - Andrew to Mary

Photographs will be forthcoming when they have been:
a) Developed
b) Scanned
c) Webified

Afpfont to Mary Messall

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