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Toronto: Report

From: (The Fat Aardvark)
Subject: *F*inally the TorontoCON 1.A and 1.B report
Date: 1996/11/10
Message-ID: <>

Yes, it is the one and only TorontoCON 1.A) and 1.B) report.

Firstly let me apologise for the late running of this report [1].

This is due to four good reasons, and one lousy one.

i)  I thought that someone else was going to do it [2]
ii)  I was not able to get to a computer while in Toronto to write the
iii)  I was shattered on my return from Canada
iv)  I was lazy [3]
v)  I have just been promoted, and was very busy

Anyway, Part ONE

TorontoCON 1.A)

After a few calls, and many emails from one side of the "pond" to the
other, it was decided that the sixth and the twentieth of October
would be the two days that there would be a meet.

Upon arrival in Toronto, I contacted Michelena and Sarah, and agreed
on a time and place, Michelena would organise the meet from her

So, it was on the morning of Sunday the sixth, that I set out on my
epic first ever AFP meet [4]

I arrived at the Grand Union station, which is epic in its dimensions,
I think that York station may be the closest comparison.

I wondered around until I found a young lady peering at my head in a
strange way (I was wearing a hat with "The Fat Aardvark" on it) and
she said.. "Are you The Fat Aardvark?" It was then that I met Sarah

Both of us then looked around until we bumped into another young lady
with long hair, and a cowboy hat. Michelena had arrived on the scene..
Shortly thereafter, Phil and Janice joined the merry gang, and we just
waited for Mr Gummyworm to turn up (Mr Gummyworm will be known as Bill
for the rest of this adventure)

We then realised that no-one had brought a camera to take dodgy photos
with, so we posed for a "virtual" photograph, then Bill went and got a
throw-away camera, so we posed again for real

So what to do? We had planned lunch, but it was a bit early, so we
walked to Queen Street, Goth capital of Toronto. Here we had real fun
in a shop called "The Condom Shop" where I talked about femedom's and
everyone else checked the sizes out

After a few riotous minuets, we left to the relief of the poor lady in
charge of the shop. Continuing our trek, some of us popped into City
TV's video booth (Like Channel Four's Video BOX) and recorded our
demands that Pterry becomes a school read book.

So far, no-one had embarrassed anyone else, but it wasn't for trying.
:) Anyway, we went to a few book-shops, and generally had fun, in a
small town kind of way.

Bill mentioned that it didn't matter how far you went in the City, you
where never further than 200 yards from a Hot Dog stand, and it is
true, in fact I swear they breed like - well supermarket trolleys, and
we all know how bad that can be.

It soon was time for lunch, so we all trekked back towards the station
to pick up cars. On the way we stopped at a local "boil" on the
architectural landscape, where they have encased an old building in a
new glass structure (If you have seen TekWar, you will know what I am
talking about)

Dissolve to Phil's car, which contained Phil, Michelena, Sarah, myself
and a kitten (Don't ask) Bill and Janice were on the way in Bill's

The Korean restaurant's name has faded in my memory, and even
Michelena has this to say about "I it call it Korean Beer Inside as
that's the only sign I can read...Gach R' Us??"

Once inside, I made the social mistake of asking for a can of coke to
drink, and was immediately also handed a spoon to eat with. How did
they know that I couldn't eat with chopsticks?

We ordered and then took silly photos (Me with chopsticks up nose -
and other such things) When the food arrived, Phil made the joke that
the Klingons would enjoy the food, as it looked like Gagh (Sp??) hence
Michelena's description.

Janice seemed to enjoy this stupidity, and made us laugh a few times.

We disscused the differences between the UK and Canada, and also
talked about the Assination attempt on the Canadian Prime Minister. If
you want to know more, ask Phil or Janice, as they seemed to know the
majority of the story.. It is quite funny.

Enjoying the food, we gorged ourselves, and then had to work out the
bill. Not easy.. who had the live tentacles??

Unfortunately, Janice and Phil had to be going after the meal, as they
had to drive back to Ottawa (A long drive) so we bade them our

Still no-one had become drunk, so we tried again at a bar called
Legends, but since Bill went to sleep (At his house) and Sarah only
had a lemonade, we still didn't get the false breasts out, nor did we
find the traffic cone any use :(.

However, we did have a fun time, and baically that is how TorontoCON
1.A) went. END OF PART ONE

PART TWO - TorontoCON 1.B)

Sunday the twentieth of October was the last day I could meet up with
any AFP'ers soI arranged to meet again with Sarah and Michelena.. and
eventually we did, due to a time mixup. (Bill being busy and Janice
and Phil miles away)

This time it ws more relaxed, as we knew who each other was, and we
all seemed to hit it off very well, so we went for a Chinese [5].

I asked Michelena where we went, and this was her reply "I don't
remember...I was too busy doing "the Michelena" Okay. "the place that
used to be Young Lok's", for the feast. The Snug of the Duke of
Gloucester for the pub. We walked around a lot....and even's all a blurrrrr....."

We spotted the "dog" collar mentioned in the report for TorontoCON 3
and generally had a good time.

We had all brought cameras this time, and we found that the throw-away
one from 1.A) had been left at the Korean place, and now Michelena has
a nice collection of pictures depicting the staff having a whale of a

The meal was lacking in the tenticals this time, but was a bit
hotter.. and lasted quite well. Michelena's dog got a bag of steak
bits to eat from it anyway.

Alas, it came time for me to go, so we all walked back to the station,
so I could catch the GO train home. We had some fun with compromising
photos and a nearly tearful (from me) farewell.

I already missed them as I boarded the train to go..

I have made two good friends in Sarah and Michelena, and hopefully a
friend in Bill too. Phil and Janice I haven't heard from yet.. but
who knows.

I am already planning to return to Toronto just so I can organise
TorontoCON (insert number here) the Search for TorontoCON 2!

To any one interested, photos are available at the right price, and if
the concerned parties agree :).

[1] It has nothing to do with my employers, who might have something
to do with leaves, snow and.. Umm trains?
[2] Until I was told it was me :)
[3] This might be the lousy reason
[4] Why I had to go this far.. ? Apart to meet Michelena and Sarah and
Bill and Janice and Phil of course.
[5] No jokes about "He wasn't happy about it either" please. [6]
[6] Well if you must.

A true friend is one who cares. I am glad I have true friends
- The Fat Aardvark 1995.

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