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Perth: Report

From: (The Magpie)
Subject: 9.5K - A[F]Perth 3.0 - "No Entendre Left Undoubled!"
Date: Sun, 03 Aug 1997 12:32:55 GMT
Message-ID: <>

AFPerth 3.0
"No Entendre left Undoubled!"

Place: The Magpie's Nest 

Time: From Saturday 2/8 (8/2 for Merkins) evening to lunchtime Sunday.

The participants:  The Magpie (hostess)
		   Peta-Marie (relative, offline lurker and hostess)
	           Steve D Cynic (significant other)
                   Ian (BOFH and lurker extraordinaire)
                   Aria (purity scores in free-fall)
                   Cara (offline lurker and corrupter of BOFHs...)
                   The Quilt [1]

What Happened (vaguely)
"Truly, officer, I don't know *where* the inflatable flamingo came

At 5, YHN and SDC collected Pete and her all-important VCR from home,
drove back at high speed and proceeded to clean up, clear away and
make chocolate mousse.

<SDC> "Mmmm, chocolate mousse...." </SDC>

Around 6, the others started to arrive.  First was the lovely Aria,
followed by the BOFH-Ian, who between them supplied videos, drinkies,
nibblies and other useful items.

Pete used her vast skills of persuasion, and soon she and Ian were
leaving on a whirlwind tour of the video and bottle shops, returning
by the somewhat scenic route - *very* scenic, from the time they took.

While they were gone, various AFPtopics were discussed, including the
casting thread and favourite soft drinks and combinations thereof.
Pete and Ian eventually re-appeared, coinciding with the arrival of
Cara, who had made a 90 minute journey in 45, prompting reports of
low-flying UFOs from the airport...

Introductions were made, and the decadence^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hrevelry
began...or so the script was supposed to go.

Pete discovered that she'd forgotten to buy her cigarettes, so she and
Cara headed off to the local shops to get them.  AFPtopics were again
Once they were back, things got truly and thoroughly started. Sort of.

Nibblies were unpacked, drinks were poured all round, and
conversations entered into.  Eventually it was decided that we should
all adjourn to the "comfy seats", so the party moved to the

At this point, we discovered why Cara had brought along The Quilt and
four pillows (and a camera which took many photos throughout the
night, and we will *get* those negatives, Cara!) as she and Elaine
commandeered the floor.  Steve and myself grabbed the couch, the
nibblies and each other, leaving Pete and Ian the two single chairs.
Ian didn't seem to mind....yet.

Group acclamation for first video was "Dragonheart", since it was on
nightly hire. However, one small-ish problem. 

We couldn't get a picture on the telly.  Hmm.  Ian, Steve and Elaine
all got up to have a look at the whole business (gee, it's great
knowing a whole heap of techno-types), and the cause was eventually
discovered.  Pete's video recorder uses UHF, YHN's TV doesn't.  So,
again, Ian was prevailed upon to abscond with Pete and collect her TV.
Cynical remarks were made about the timeliness (and indeed
possibility) of their return. 

More conversation ensued.

They returned, and resonably quickly. Okay, correct TV, correct video
recorder, correct video, correct sequence of buttons on the remote,
and off we go.  The fillums in order:

DRAGONHEART <"I go to save the dragon! Who will come with me?" -
resounding silence...>
Plot and dialogue on the lines of "As you know, your father, the
king...".  However, the combination of Sean Connery and Dennis Quaid
was rather Hmm! <speculative grin>

Quotes - 
Draco: "I will go with you, Kara."
(Cara wanted this as a .wav file.)

Pete:  <about Sean Connery> "He's quite good looking even as a

Steve: <during the one bit of meaningful plot dialogue> "Hey! The eyes
aren't animated properly..."
  "    <after seeing the expressions aimed at him> "What? What?"

THE PRINCESS BRIDE <"You killed my father. Prepare to die...">
Cara was the quintessential video virgin for many of these fine
examples of the celluloid art, including this one. Even though the TV
wasn't equipped with Dolby surround-sound, she got the effect anyway,
as we all echoed the dialogue. 

Quotes -
Most of the film, really.

Pete: "Cary Elwes in tights, mmmm!"
All those who lusted after Cary agreed that anyone who was restricted
to the phrase "As you wish" was OK by us^H^Hthem.

Steve and YNH: <snog, snog, snog>

At this point, there was a break for chocolate mousse, and there was
much rejoicing!

LABYRINTH <"You remind me of the babe with the power...">
We all sang along with David Bowie for this one. An oldie but a
goodie. Much was made of the costuming (see below) and special

Quotes -
Pete: "You get to see David Bowie filling out a pair of tights verrry

Most of the girls: "He's got good ball-handling skills" (re the
crystal-twirling scenes)

Pete: "Of course you know that someone else was twiddling his balls
for him in most of those shots"

Cara again played video virgin. Everyone else sang along (often in the
same key) and dubbed the dialogue. As a result Cara may never know
what was actually said during the film.

Quotes -
Most of them.

Pete: "Most men actually look quite good in fishnets."
Cara: "And leather undies."
YHN: "And a corset."
Ian: <worried look>

At this point, it was 4am. A consensus was reached that we would have
to get at least some sleep. Aria, Cara, Pete and Ian snuggled up under
The Quilt on the floor and completely failed to go to sleep for the
next four hours. Not that they were at all distracted, you understand.
YHN and Steve retired to bed. To separate beds. Eventually. :)

Events recommenced for YHN at about half past 8, with the bleary-eyed
discovery that the order of bodies under the All-Encompassing Quilt
had been mysteriously changed. Everyone denied knowledge. Maybe it was
aliens (we put this down to the UFO reports). Or the fact that The
Quilt seemed to be more active than a potful of weasels. Whatever.

YHN stumbled off to awaken Steve. This took the better part of an hour
or, really :)
When we eventually surfaced, we found that Aria had escaped The Quilt
and headed home, leaving Ian in the company of his new harem. I think.
At least, there were occasional glimpses of him when one of the others
moved aside for a (short) moment.

Breakfast was pancakes. Even the Quiltettes took notice eventually.
YHN: "You lot want honey, maple syrup or golden syrup?"
Quiltettes: "Yes, and some on the pancakes as well, please!"

People were fed, watered and generally roused from...whatever. Often
at great personal risk to YHN. Another video was put on to calm the

ROCKETEER <"I may not make a legitimate buck, but I'm 100% American!">
(This is being handed to Steve to review, as he was the only one who
actually *watched* it.)

-You mean NO-ONE else saw it? asleep, one in the shower,
two under The Quilt engaged in..oh. Excuse me. Um. Okay, I guess the
review *is* up to me after all.

-Timothy Dalton as the chief baddie. Some blond chunk as the goodie.
Nazis as the evil nasty bad dudes. The FBI as a bunch of blunderers.
Mobsters working for Dalton steal the jetpack used in the title from
Howard Hughes. They are chased by the FBI and lose it. Hero finds it
and tries to raise money to replace plane destroyed in mobster-FBI
confrontation. Everyone tries to kill him and get the jetpack back.
The girlfriend who gets kidnapped is the one who was in Labyrinth.
Showdown is on a blimp which gets blown up. Baddies die, goodies win.

(See, I told you he saw it! - Magpie)

Quotes -
Pete: "Can I sleep in your bed, Steve?"
Steve: "Ummm..."
Cara: "She means while you're in *this* room."

Cara+Ian: (Unknown, they were under The Quilt.)
Quilt: <snog, snog, snog>

YHN: (returning from shower) "Has anything happened?"
Steve: <looks at The Quilt>
YHN: "I *meant* in the movie!"

After the end of this movie, there was a general cleanup and
leave-taking, Ian abandoning his harem to collect his videos and
depart first. Pete was reminded of the dreaded "Real Life" with the
arrival of her two-year-old, towing Daddy behind her. The TV and VCR
went back into the car and the entourage drove off, leaving YHN, Steve
and Cara, who was next to leave on the long journey back home. Hugs
all round.

Quorum lost, the AFPmeet was officially over. Time - 2pm.

Pete: (about Ian) "He squished my Yowie!" [2]

Cara: (about Pete) "She squished *my* Yowie!" [2]

YHN: "It takes about an hour to get Steve vertical in the morning."

Steve: (to Pete) "You have to ask Ian *nicely* if you want him to
stick something hard into you."

Cara: (to Steve) "Why don't you just stick your head in there and lick

YHN: "They get more risque as they go down!"

----- But wait-there's more! -----
AFPerth 4.0 is tentatively planned for September 6, at Pete's place.
Further details as we get them. As Pete is not Netted yet, queries and
replies to this return address.




------ Feetnote -----
[1] The Warmer of Toes, the Comfort of Many, the Harbinger of Sleep
(failed), the Hider of Norti Deeds. Almost a member of AFP itself, it
certainly sees more action at AFPmeets than most (on average)...

Probably the holder of the lowest (combined) purity score in the group

[2] For those not in XXXX, this is a chocolate foil-wrapped thing with
a plastic self-destructo toy inside.
The Magpie
AFP Code 1.0 AOTD d@ s--:+ a26 UP+ R++ F->++ h- P-- OSD :- C? 
!M pp-- L c B Cn-:+ PT+ Pu65+ !5 !X MT++ e+>++ rp++ x+ end
"No wonder the lady cats scream at night" - "Witches Abroad"

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