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Another awful alliteration?

April 2000

"alliteration / n. - the occurrence of the same letter or sound at the beginning of adjacent or closely connected words (e.g. cool, calm, and collected). [modern Latin alliteratio (as ad-, littera 'letter')]"

The Oxford Concise Dictionary, 9th Edition (CD-ROM)

"[C] Content-free, "cascading" performance art posts."

[FAQ] Welcome to the Pratchett newsgroups! (Leo Breebaart)

Subject: Re: [I] Newsgroup format
From: Ted Carmichael
Date: 2nd April 2000

In case you haven't been paying attention, I'm
very new to AFP. It's been just under three weeks since I place my
first post (and a shockingly good one at that: very witty and
insightful, with just a touch of self depreciation. If you haven't
read it, I highly recommend.)

<Ted gets pelted by rolls, custard pies, a cat, and thousands of
particularly pertinent pedants.>

*ahem* Yes, well, back to my point. I also happen to be very news to
newgroup, or rather, *new* to newsgroups, yes . . . and the entire
format is still somewhat alien to me. What I mean to say is, though
I've been writing emails for years now, I've haven't yet really gotten
used to the subtle differences between this and what is ironically
referred to as RL.

What this means in my case is two things. Are two things. It means,
well... there are two things that it means - apart from all the other
things it means - and here they are:

1) I'm constantly trying to decipher all the code words - IMHO,
IMNSHO, ROTFLMAO, HAH, TTFN, "trolling," "flaming," OTOH, RL, and
"Sod." And I'm particularly delighted when I can figure them out. (I
really liked the "YHN" - very clever. Didn't take too long, and I
laughed when I got it.<g>)

2) And here's the big one. I sometimes say things that are meant to
be read one way, but when they are read are taken (rightfully so) in
an entirely different way. And when I say "rightfully so," I mean
only that it was badly put - by me - and I forgot to add a <g>.

It's just that I'm often grinning, but forget to tell people about it.
Unless I'm not.

I've just re-read what I've written so far, which reminded me of
another thing. I'm getting rather tired of all this so called
"British" spelling.<g> I've just noticed that I put "apologise" up
there, instead of the proper spelling "apologize."<g> And I did it
completely unconsciously. Your bloody "queen's English" rules are
affecting my brain<g>, and it's got to stop<g>, right Bloody Now!!<g>
Is <g> that <g> clear!?!

So, I think I'm getting the hang of that little "grin" icon, but I
will inevitably make the same mistake in the future. Sorry. Just
assume I didn't mean it, unless you liked it, in which case I meant it

From: Jens Ayton
Date: Mon, 3rd April 2000

Ted Carmichael:

> <Ted gets pelted by rolls...>

And applies an appalling alliteration, also.

(presponse: Oh yes it was.)

From: Eric Jarvis
Date: Mon, 03 Apr 2000 00:50:43 -0700

almost as awful an artform as any allowed anywhere...and althought
apposite, amazingly awkward...any arguments anyone?

From: Ted Carmichael

Bravo! But before bumbling barely believable behavior, be bold!
Begin by banishing brainy - but bewildering - backtalk; because
basically, baffling business befuddles beholden bystanders.)

From: Mad Dragon

Cutting.. caustic comments, can cause catastrophes, condemnation...

Clue! can cause clapping.. cheers.. could consider causing
cluefairie canonisation. :-)


From: Peter Ellis

Don't despair, Dragon dear... death-defying derring-do, dazzlingly
displayed, distracts defiant detractors. Denunciation denied, Dungeon
Dimension denizens disassemble dolefully, demoniac dentures dissolving

From: David Chapman

Cleverly correlated conjunctions, Carmichael, clearly conveying content

From: Paul Wilkins
Date: 4th April 2000

Damned darstedly desirings dare destructively designed doings.

From: Jens Ayton

Every expressive emission employed earns extreme eminence.

From: Eric Jarvis

flippancy feels falsely facile, for far fewer face forwards forsaking
febrile flaccidity...flames find fakers first...fulsome fame favours
fearless fans

don't complain...I just took "f" on and got all the way through without
swearing...a <censored>      </censored> difficult task I can assure
you :)

Subject: Re: [I] Another awful alliteration?
From: Ted Carmichael

What's next... "g"? *heavy sigh* Okay, I'll give it a shot, but if
it's my turn when we get to "x," I give up...

Great! Gifted genius generating gently garbled gab gets game going
gracefully; gains gargantuan glory, garners gripping gratitudes given
.... grimly? (guy gladly goes gaga grabbing grandeur - good grief!)


From: Jonathan Ellis

>(guy gladly goes gaga grabbing grandeur - good
> grief!) <g>

From: Map

Handsome homeboy (hallucinating hopelessly) having heard
hard-hearted hysterically howling hot-heads haranguing hapless
half-wits (however humorous) hoping helpful homework hints.
His heroic (huh?) homily has hopefully helped halve horribly
hydrophobic hyperbole. Huddle hombres ?

Subject: Re: [C] Another awful alliteration?
From: Homicide

Incomprehesnible incantations, innocently inpersonate intetesting
If immediate interim inconsequential interpretations immediately impart
ideas, interesting, improbable, influences instansiate ideologies.
Interestingly, impudent Imps influence internal ilnesses!


From: Eric Jarvis

sfx: loud whistle

disqualified for illegal use of the letter P

From: Michael Gavin

My my, many more mentioned! My megre mention might mistake mules (morbid
mongrels!) more markedly. Merkins mistake miserable men much more
maternally, maybe more managable men may make Merkins more malleable. My
merit makes many Merkin men more moving, maybe.

There, now my thesaurus has exploded, thanks a lot :-)

From: Jens Ayton

Jens jumps joyfully... jaunty jucolators *** jibber[1]. Jaded jackanapes
just jazz. Jezabel jogs; johdpurs jiggle. Joy jots jokes; jurist juggle jugulars.

[1] jimme a break.

From: Michael Gavin

Oh my god! how could I forget that J,K and L come before M? Maybe I'll post it again when it gets to M. Sorry about that, I honestly thought it was up to M. Maybe I should just go sit in the corner for a whil...oh, there's no space. Well how about Right. Erm, looks like I'll be staying here then. By the way, whose idea was it to paint the walls green? I'm sure a nice shade of blue would be better, and as for those curtains....

From: Eric Jarvis
Date: 5th April 2000

> There, now my thesaurus has exploded, thanks a lot :-)

sfx: loud whistle and crowd roaring OFFSIDE!


illegal use of Thesaurus

From: Eric Jarvis

kinship, kindness, keenness keep kibutz kids knurd...klutzy kittens kick
kiwi kernels kilometres...kleenex kills

From: Ted Carmichael

Liquored linguists love lyrical, lucid language: lazy lines lapping
loosely, like "Love's Labour Lost." Long, lowbrow lingo liked least:
louder, lumbering,lumpy lyrics leaving luckless ladies leery; legions
left languishing - lament lacking luxuriously linked letters.

Oh, yeah... here's a freebie I couldn't go any further with - "Lightly
logical logarithms leave lombotomized looking leery, lost." Just wish
I could have fit Lucifer in there somewhere... or at least Lex Luthor.
(Perhaps "Lois Lane longs less lethal lover...?" Hey, there's one for
the "s" - super sperm sucks!)


From: Michael Gavin

My my, many more mentioned! My megre mention might mistake mules (morbid mongrels!) more markedly. Merkins mistake miserable men much more maternally, maybe more managable men may make Merkins more malleable. My merit makes many Merkin men more moving, maybe.

Phew, it's in the right place now..

From: Bryony Wilson

Now noble newbies never nest near nefarious neighbours. Noone nibbles
nethers, neither neatly nor nastily, now nervy neurotics needle natural
newgroups. Nameless nations navigate nice nights, never nearing

From: Homicide

Obviously origional orang-utans oficially orbit ornately.
Organising one overweight ostrich, overburdens octopii (octopuses??) once on obedient oaks. Oathes obfuscate ordinary obligations. Observers observe observant observatories.
Obtaining obsolete occurances of occupied openings, one operates

Ok, so I used 'one' twice...but I was lazy.

From: Kate Sarah Folsom
Date: 6th April 2000

Probably purposeless participation, but I want "Q". P is so... easy.

Quietly quivering, questioning queer quandries, questing queries quite
quixotically, quitting quickly. (Hah, beat that!)

From: Michael Gavin

Really? Red rhubard readily reverts radish rakers roping ravens. Rashes
revere Romanian rabbit roles rectifying real rainbows. Rincewind races
rodents reaching rabid rat refusal. Right ringer runs robed Robin robbing reigning regal ruler. Real rubber raincoats reform retrophonology revealing red rumps.

Right, roo's roing S rhen?

Richael Ravin

From: Homicide

So, s seems simple.
Seemingly subtle sausages slither swankily southwards, so seven sheep
surround silken simians.Sociologically speaking, severe schizophrenia
sounds sh*t, sudden surreality surpassing sense. Suddenly shrinking
scientific scales seek serenity. Switch sixteen sureptitious sites
Songs sound serene?

From: Ted Carmichael
Date: 7th April 2000

I know I was meant to do "s," but Kate threw the gauntlet... and I
*do* so love a challenge...<g> (I'm afraid I'll have to quit the rest
of the alphabet, as I'll be out of town this weekend. Ha! - told ya
I'd quit before the "X"<bg>)

Quirky Quibbler quashes qualms, questions quality-quandary Queen
quickened. Quipping quantitatively, Queen's quarreler quotes quietus,
quailing quasi-quarry's quaint qualification-quiz quite quickly,
queering quack-Queen's questionable queenship quest. QED.

From: Julian Kelsey

Thoughtfully towards torpor thrust that trite trickiness;
though tempting, try terminating terrible testiness.
Touching timeless truth, trust, tenderness, troth, to
triumph trace that treacherous track. Tryst twined together
-- timorous, tumultuous, (taxing!) -- then together taste

Kind of vomish, you should have seen the flame I'd prepared
for S, this is the balance.

From: Jens Ayton

Umm... Useless uncles ululate unintentionally. Unless utterly
unexpected, unctuous underachievement undeniably unbalances. ultimate
unabated unravelling? Unthinkable. Understand: uneventful undoing.
Ubiquitous UFOs unbidden unease u-boats.

From: Jennifer Gray

Virtuous Vicky views vitreous vehicles voraciously; vows virulent
vouchers vulnerably vulgar. Vere [1] vulpine voodoo vowels venomous?
Very, volcanic voltmeters vote. Volatile volant vultures vaguely
vocalize vitriolic videos, vetoing vernal verity.

[1] Sorry..

From: Homicide

Verily, virtuous, voluptuous vixens vainly vault vertically.
Vommish versions vaccum vacating vultures.
Valuable vanquished vintage vegetables, venture violently.
Violating vipers, voids voluntary vows. Visible volleyballs virtually view

W... whoever gets this, I don't envy you :)

From: Paul Wilkins
Date: 8th April 2000

What with wacky welsh warring, we wax with wroth waiting where we wished
we were wolfing wontons with wasabi. With workaholic wagnerian weapon
weilding warriors, we will walkabout where wallabies wallop wandering
weirdos. With want we watch wet water wait without.

Dig your grave, x-people.

From: Map


Xenophobic xanthous xysma !
Xylonic, xylophagous xylophonist !
Xeroxed xiphoidal xenolith !

The above, when *loosely* translated gives a sort-of-curse,
in the Kilngon style-of-fings.
Ok, I'm going to go have a little lie down now.
I have a headache.

Well, I hope you're satisfied Mr Carmichael :o)
Miss Kate - beat *THAT* !


Feetneets :

The above, when *loosely* translated gives a sort-of-curse.

[1] - Yellow
[2] - "Membranous particles in the faeces." - Oxfrod Dict.
[3] - acidic (ish)
[4] - wood-eating
[5] - xylophonist. Go learn a real musical instrument :-)
[6] - unoriginal, extrapolated from "duplicated"
[7&8] - sword-shaped & rock fragment. A small,bullet-headed
troll if you will.

From: Eric Jarvis

Yodelling yes, yearning youths yell yellow, yet you yank yugoslavian
yardie's yukky yashmak. Yesno?

You'll yell yule yew, yay? Yaketty Yak...

From: Ted Carmichael
Date: 10th April 2000

Zed? Zounds! (thinks hard... gives up... tries again... decides to
write in extreme "newspaper headline" language.) Zippy, zealous zebra
zigzags, zings zebu-zonbie. Zaftig zebu zooms zooish zealot, zapping
zany zebra's zephyrous zone. Zebra - zero; Zebu - zilch.

Looking back over that, I would have to say ...I'm not exactly sure
what it means when a plump, bovine-mammal "zooms" a zealous zebra, but
when it leads to "zapping" the breezy area, it is quite possibly
painful. Also, when referring to a "zooish" zealot - as it pertains
to the aforementioned zebra - "zooish" in this case means either 1)
having something to do with, or connected in some way to, a zoo; or 2)
YHN had a bit of trouble fitting in a perfectly respectable "z"
word... so he cheated.

Yay! It's over! Take some aspirin! Lie down with a wet towel on
your forehead! Get ready for the encore! (huh?!?)

That's right - we're having an encore! Now to avoid any more mental
anguish than is absolutely called for, this re-hashing of a tiring
tirade of temptatious ... oh, sorry. <ahem> This so-called "sequel"
should have a few ground rules, relating to making the next round much
smoother and less painful. I shall therefore refer to my proposed
groundrules as "The K-Y Jelly of AFP Alliterating in This Case."

The game is simple: we start off on "a" - just like before - but
instead of various paragraphs for each following letter, we shall
restrict it to three words per (or four, but no more than five, unless
absolutely called for, and "x" only has to have two, since all the
possible three-word combinations have already been covered so expertly
by Map, and most of the "x"es are nouns anyway and...)

Also, each three word - or thereabouts - combination should be a
continuation of the last contribution, culminating in a cantankerous
climax... sorry, sorry... it just seems to come out that way. Part of
my brain seems to be stuck in alliteration mode... Anyway, it will
continue until "zed" is once again reached, and we can play another
game. Perhaps something to do with limericks. Or luscious limericks:
a series of sonorous soliloquies... <*bang*> ow. Right. Just a
thought. <60p>

Also, on second thought, I don't want any more alliterations. I've
learned my lesson, and have now removed all alliteration tendencies
out of my head. For good. I mean it, that's it. Brain surgery is so
much easier, after all...

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