The L-Space Web: The Timelines: Remembrance Posts for Antti Lehtola

Remembrance Posts for Antti Lehtola


From: Trina Rule
Subject: [ANNOUNCE] Sad news
Date: Tue, 30 Mar 1999

Dear AFPeople.

I am so very sad to tell you this. I have told as many of you who will
be affected personally as I can, but I want you all to know.

Early on Monday 29th of March Antti Lehtola died of what is believed
to have been a brain aneurism.

His best friend let me know by telephone.

He is survived by his mother, and by his brothers Artos, and Aki.

And by me.

I miss him very much.

I will let you know about flowers donations etc when I know more.

In Sorrow,

This is, in all probability, the saddest thing that I have ever read on
any newsgroup. May I offer my condolences to the family and friends left
behind. Occasions like this kind of make the petty squabbles in life
pale into insignificance. My thoughts are with everyone affected by this sad loss of life.


My prayers and my thoughts go out to him and his family.

He will be missed by all of us here both as a person who made friends
easily and as a friend to us all. We have lost a great, much respected
member I hope everyone here will join with me an offer a moment of
silence in tribute to him.

I'll miss our conversations my friend. I hope you can see this in your
heaven where you shall surely go and I hope to be as respected as you
that I have so little doubt as to my destination when I eventually meet
my own maker.


Not having known him very well, I can only say that at the very least,
his time here on afp would have made the last months of his life a very
full and exciting one.

(A small eulogy)

Antti - you have managed to touch so many of us with your presence here,
and for all the joy and excitement that you helped to bring to afp, and
the people here, I thank you.

Paul Wilkins

This is the first time I've experienced an unpleasant reaction to a
post. May I join with others to offer my sincere sympathies to all those
who knew him.

Carl J Lawley

In sadness i can not say how i feel in a way that people would
understand so i give you this...

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead
Put crepe bows round the white necks of public doves
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought my love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one.
Pick up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

(W. H. Auden)

Olivia a friend who will always love you Antti and never forget New
Years Eve 1998 neither will wombats

It's one of life's bitter ironies that I make my living from words, but
I can't find the right ones when it matters.

I won't use anybody else's words to express how feel about this though.

Devastating. Completely.


I never knew him well, but this is sad, so sad. He was Family, and it
always hurts to lose a part of the Family. Antti, we'll miss you.

Paul E. Jamison, Esq.

He was a wonderful person and a dear friend. I will miss him very
much. Whenever I needed cheering up I knew that a quick chat with Antti
would soon solve that problem - it was impossible to be miserable around
him :)

My prayers go out to his family, and to all of his friends.


>My prayers and my thoughts go out to him and his family.

Mine too <sigh>, they are also with the rest of this great big AFPamily
who are in utter shock right now at the loss of a great poster and to
some a dear and treasured friend...
I have so often thought of AFP as being the biggest, best family
going... It has got me through some very low points in my life, and
helped me feel much better about myself than I have in the last 10+

With the untimely death of Antti, I just wanted to take a moment, while
I can, to thank those who have helped me over the past year or so (they
know who they are, and I appreciate them more than words can ever fully

So, live life, love and be good to your friends and family while you can
- don't take life, love and people for granted, they are all too
prescious and fragile...


From me, in memory and as respect, silence.


There's nothing to be said.
We've all lost a caring, warm friend.

The Apostate

Ants was always there to cheer me up when
I was down and boy could I do with him now:-(
He's sorely missed.


I have barely joined AFP, and I see this sad news. I can tell from the
replies that people will miss Antti sorely. This community has lost a
wonderful person and a dear friend to all AFPers.

My prayers and thoughts are with both Antti, and the people who will
miss him the most - his family.

May he rest in peace and in the knowledge people will forever miss him.

Moon Spook

In all honesty, as I am mostly a lurker I cannot say I ever have
*really* spoken to him (in my mind I have), but I've always looked
forward to reading him. A true loss and my heartfelt sympathies to all
who did know him.


"My heart has joined the Thousand, because a friend has stopped running


There's not much left for me to add at this stage, except goodbye Antti,
and I wish I'd been able to know you better.


Antti Lehtola, I remember you.
For your hatred of cheese, which ranked, in your estimation, higher only
to garlic.
For your fear of all things eight-legged, and hairy, and dreadful.
For your valiant fight against a thousand lactophilic foes, and your
sonnet reply denouncing cheese forever.
For your rhymes, your Finnish signs and your grasp of the beauty of
For your ready ability to put so much into so few words, and your ad
campaigns for ties that look as though they should propel, but do not

For all these things, I remember you, Antti. I will miss you, and I
grieve for those close to you, in their pain, and rage and sorrow.

Antti Lehtola, Sworn Enemy of Cheese, RIP.
You are sadly missed.


There are not many occasions when I can not find the words
to express what I want to say.

This is one of them, though.

Antti, you nice Finn, you will be missed.


I was the same when Chris told me, I just couldn't think of anything
which we be an adequate reply.

I keep looking at him in my ICQ list, knowing it's not going to go
online again...

Chris Crowther.

Love you, Antti.
From your afplittlesister.

I've been saddenned by Usenet posts before - but I've never felt
anything like the shock and grief of this news.

I can't believe we won't see him again, I can't believe I'll never meet


I didn't know Antti as well as some here, but i have chatted to him a
couple of times via ICQ, and he will be sadly missed


I also being a relative newbie now unfortunatly will never have the
chance to meet this obviously well loved man. My thoughts go to his
family and all his close personal AFPfriends. It's strange, he and I
never spoke or e-mailed but I'm going to miss him as well. He has
obviously touched many lives during his time traversing through the

Karl Ledger

Tears and distress, for a really gentle, kind man that I loved to chat
with. Please pass my condolences to his family, with all my love to them
this day, and all the days to follow.

I'm gutted.

Marina Gray (Grymma)

Cheers, mate. See you around. Thanks for everything.

(and so it begins and ends.)

I find my self at a lost for words. All I can say is that I feel lucky
you called me a friend in the short period of time I knew you.

Love, Tamara

No-one is going to sum up someone so real as
Antti. I'm not going to try, for I have a great sense
of how little I knew of the man. Antti was a lovely
man, a creative and inspirational poster and a
caring and sensitive support for the people who
needed him. He was the Manic Pixie (tm)

Olivia has predicted me with the words of WH Auden.
That being the case I can only offer as Meg does that
greatest respect that men can offer one of their own.

Our silence.


Have Just seen the sad news and its taken me some time to come to terms
with it.

I really am quite lost for words.

to Antti's family a share your grief even though I never met Antti in
person. I allways thought of him as a friend. I will miss him


He whom I I have loved and lost is no longer where he was.
He is wherever I am.

Antti had a wonderful knack of sending me funny little messages on ICQ
just at the times when I needed a lift. He was such a lovely person, and
a darling afpbrother, and this is unbelievable.

Be happy, sweetheart, wherever you are.

lotsa luv, Heaven xxxxxxx
Heather Knowles

There is not much to say, being so that only knew Antti from his
posts... exactly those posts that showed a humourous and most generous
and kind person, and I really mean that.
I hope the people who do miss him now find the courage to withstand the
pain; I'm sure he's better wherever he is, and he wants us to be happy,
just like he used to.


Though I didn't know Antti personally, I was shocked by this message.
Antti was part of the afp family and we will miss him. May you rest in
peace. In whatever heaven you are in right now.


It was with great sorrow that I heard this news. I came to think of
Antti as a friend, even though we got off to a bad start, and I think he
felt the same too.

I'll remember him as the fun-loving guy, always ready to impart his wit
and wisdom, and as one of the most caring people ever.

I will miss him, as all his friends will.

Andy Fawcett

Um <fx shock> Top Bloke.

See ya gorgeous.


I did not know him well, and I am sad I never will now.
But I have seen and felt the sorrow his passing has caused
among his friends and loved ones here. My deepest sympathies
goes out to his family and friends all over the world
I have no words of wisdom or comfort to give, so instead I
offer a moment of silence as a token of my respect.

My thoughts are with you all

Lotta Tuovinen

I have no idea what to say....except to offer {hugs} all around, and
especially to you Trina.
I used to sit down at lunch and kick on the ICQ and seeing his name in
the online list, often he would pop up just to say hi. I remember
ICQ-ing with him just after he asked Trina to afpmarry him. He was so
excited he was bouncing around the ether like a big cyber-puppy.



I only knew Antti from a few icq messages and his posts, but when I heard
the news last night I suddenly realised what a strongly knit group
afpers are.

The group's sorrow is clear to be seen.

My prayers go to his family and our family.

Let Old Tom silently toll as there is one of us who will be missed by


Antti was the perfect counter-argument to anyone who doubted that
cyber-space generates real-world emotions. Barking mad (in the best
possible way), witty, generous, open-minded and cheese-phobic (nobody's
perfect), Antti was a great person to have around. He's also someone
for whom the past tense feels wrong. I know I'm only echoing everyone
else when I say I'll miss him, but if this thread shows anything, it's
that afp currently has a huge Antti-shaped hole in it.
If they're reading, I'd also like to offer my sincere condolances to
his family.

David - afpbrother to Antti

As most of us do not have enougth words to use at this moment, I'd like
to ask us all to just pause for a minute today.

- J

I saw the post a few minutes after it went out. It's taken me this long
to be able to reply. I'll miss the cheese rants. I'll miss the wibble.
I'll miss Antti.

Julia Jones

<fx: moment of silence>

I'll sing "Eternal Remembrance" for you, Antti, meaning it with all my
heart. May you be remembered for ever.


So sad. I still smile when I think of his surprise on joining afp to
find someone who understood the Finnish Language. He was so curious
about it.

I will miss him

Pam xxx

Trina Rule shared some sad news with us all......

You and all who knew him have my heart felt sympathy,

But do not be too sad, remember the good times that you have shared, the
happiness that he brought, and in your hearts he is immortal......

With love, Richard.

Without doubt, this is the saddest thing I have ever read on Usenet, and
makes me wish I had known Antti better. He was a wonderful person for
his sense of humour, for his enthusiasm and his ability to cheer us all

I'll miss him

Leo Barasi

Sleep well Antti, sleep well.

We'll miss you on IRC, and in real life.

Bob Potter

In memorium of Antti


Trina, this is the first time that I've read afp with tears in my eyes
that were not tears of laughter. Thank you for posting this to let us
know. My thoughts are with Antti's mother and brothers.


I usually grab a look at afp when I get up in the morning. Today was the
only time I've ever wished I hadn't.

I didn't really know Antti, although we exchanged a few e-mails just
after Christmas. He came across and a nice, kind and above all caring

I really can't think of anything to add to that, apart from sympathy for
all his family and friends.


I'm so sorry. I never had the chance to get to know Antti other than
here, but I'll miss his contributions.
Please pass on to Antti's mum and to Artos and Aki my condolences and
let them know how much he was liked, even by people like me who never
met him.

Linz, sadly.

Certainly the saddest online-moment for me.
You were a humorous, intelligent and kind man.

Respect and silence.


I can't really say I knew Antti, but I enjoyed his posts and would have
been proud to call him a friend. May he rest in peace.

Martin DeMello



I have struggled for a response for some time to this inexplicable
tragedy. Antti's posts were a source of great amusement, and a clue to
the warmth of what must have been a wonderful personality in real life.
Like Miq, Leo Ba and Elton, I am saddened more by this post than
anything else I have read on Usenet.

All I can do is share these words (and their music, by Henry Purcell and
Maurice Greene respectively) from the Book of Common Prayer, in the hope
that they may go some way to expressing my sorrow:

Thou knowest, Lord, the secrets of our hearts. Shut not thy merciful
ear unto our prayer, but spare us, Lord most holy - O God most mighty,
Almighty and most merciful Saviour, thou most worthy Judge eternal.
Suffer us not, at our last hour, for any pains of death to fall from

Hear my prayer, O Lord, and with thine ear consider my calling. Hold
not thy peace at my tears. O spare me, spare me a little, before I go
hence and be no more seen.

Goodbye Antti, and may your God go with you.


I never had the chance to meet or really get to know Antti,
but he was a respected poster to this group and will be
missed by all.

Of course my first thoughts are with his familly and relatives.
may they find comfort in the fact that his life has not passed
unnoticed, but that he created friendship around the globe.

His posts and wit will be remembered by many

There may be many houses, but there is only one Heaven....

Jeroen 'Labrat' Metselaar

My condolences to his family and friends, he will be missed.

Maurice Barnes


I'm crying.

Since I joined the group in September Antti's posts have been among the
highlights of my day. He was witty, imaginative and good-humoured
without a shred of malice. I remember a series of posts between him and
Margaret (Tarbert) in which meanings got more and more convoluted until
they both ended up apologising for not having meant what they said - or
something! Throughout the entire discussion and at all other times
Antti remained courteous and receptive.

He could also demonstrate a capacity for analysis which may surprise
some who only read afp. The thread "Reaper Man - analysis of a classic"
is worth reading again.

And this all in a foreign language! I believe that several of us
native speakers wished we could express ourselves in English as well as
Antti did.

Would it be a good or a bad thing to share some quotes from Antti's

Well Antti, that's that. Stop all the clocks indeed. I think I can use
this quote: "I'll miss you, dammit". You were my first apfiance and a
loved friend. (I shall have to decide whether to change my sig.) I
wish you could have visited us. I believe you're still around
somewhere, but... I wish you were still here.

With loving memories of Antti and Big Hugs to everyone else


I don't know what I can say... I didn't really know Antti that well but
I enjoyed reading what he wrote.

Strange that I can be affected so by the death of someone I've never

love from

Will shall miss him.

These lyrics seem appropriate.

"Do you believe in shame? Do you believe in love?
And if the taste the sane would you love again or abandon both?

I don't think I can ever believe my friend is gone
Keep saying its alright I'm going to bring you back but I know I'm wrong

There's nothing I can say nothing left to do
Its just that lately I feel so damned lonely when I think of you

And it may seem selfish now but I'll hold on to the memory
Until all this fear is washed away."

"Do You Believe in Shame" DuranDuran 1988

Rest easy my friend.



I wanted to add something, that i couldn't get my hands on this
morning. For his birthday i sent antti a cd of an israeli artist by the
name of Yehuda Poliker. I'm now posting for him the translation of his
favourite song in the cd, "And the children come". This is a rough
translation, as best as i could manage in 5 hours with blurry eyes. and
antti, i'm sorry i didn't do this before.

And the children come...

Enduring and continuing, playing the game
Someone will cry and someone will laugh
Someone will get out untouched, and someone hurt
I always thing of the worst case

Betraying, insulting, wrong and right
We've been turned into old battle hounds
We, that were best of friends
Have learned to be wolfs and enemies

And the children come, and the children go
Leaving behind them innocence and youth
So many years, what is another week?
It's a fixed arrangement, it's a fixed arrangement

And if we feel guilty how can we part as friends?
Loosing sides in hopeless battles
This battle is lost, I can see how this finishes
"Tomorrow I leave" I say and then stay

And the children come, and the children go
Leaving behind them innocence and youth
So many years, what is another week?
It's a fixed arrangement, it's a fixed arrangement

Enduring and continuing, playing the game
Someone will cry and someone will laugh
How do I get out of this? the end is unknown
I'm fed up with skimming another day, another week

And the children come, and the children go
Leaving behind them innocence and youth
So many years, what is another week?
It's a fixed arrangement, it's a fixed arrangement

And the children come, and the children go
Leaving behind them innocence and youth

Love tamara

I didn't know him well, but as I got to know the people of afp, he
usually stood out from all of the others. His wit always gave me
pleasure and I know he shall be missed by many, including me.

My condolances go to his family and friends.

Mark Buckner


You begin your longest journey now,
Fare thee well, and GoodBye.


To one who has lost a son...

To two who have lost a brother....

To all of us who have lost a truly wonderful friend....

All my tears, my love and my thoughts.

Antti - thank you for being my friend

I miss you


There is not much I can add to what has already been said:
I have subscribed to AFP only a couple of months ago, and didn't have a
chance to get to know him "personally", but I loved to read his posts,
which in my opinion were among the funniest on this NG. I'm sure I will
miss him...

Goodbye, Antti - I wish I had known you better.


Long months ago, when afp's spell
Was all the world I had to hide in
While I was living out my hell
As I spent my days in fighting
That blinding madness I remember -
Lost to joy, and drowned with gin -
In short, 'twas back in last September
I first crossed swords with our own Finn.

Antti delurked in cunning discourse
Where Richard and I knew and feared him
His arguments were more than courteous
He used that wit that so endeared him
Lehtola's fiendish Rubber Chicken
(Occam's razor's refutation)
Is guaranteed, I've found, to quicken
Many a tedious situation.

Through cheerless Autumn, grim October
He sent a dozen posts a day
You could not keep a thread too sober
You couldn't keep the Finn away.
The caring side of
Was his milieu, quite infallible
Wherever afpers' anger hatched
He'd post, and flames gave way to wibble.

He talked of cheese, he talked of music -
In food, he had appalling taste -
Disliking beetroot, loathing garlic,
Boiling cabbage - what a waste.
Being then alone in Finland
He invented solo afpmeets -
Finding too few afpers inland
Tried to gather with the afpSwedes.

Then, last December, being fickle,
He discovered IRC
Usenet dried to just a trickle,
'Chatters claimed his repartee.
I chided him for never posting -
Felt his wit a bitter lack -
Smiled at every brief decloaking -
Tried to coax him to come back.

But, even while we missed him sadly,
He was never far away,
Occasion'ly delurking gladly
When he'd something fresh to say.
While other folks have come and gone
Antti stayed, both loyal and liked,
Swore he would go on and on -
Never dreaming what could strike.

Now, without a hint of warning,
He is lost to me and you.
No amount of posted mourning,
No attempt to ICQ
Can reach beyond this crushing end -
Not merely lurking as before,
But gone - we'll miss you, Antti - friend -
Goodbye - adieu, for evermore.


There is little I can think of to say, except -

Farewell Antti, you will be sorely missed.


When I first heard it, I didn't know what to say. And
now almost a day later I still don't know what to say.

The only thing I can say right now is: I will miss you, as
will everyone who has ever met you, has ever read your

Goodbye Antti.

Daniel Proost

I only knew Antti over the internet, at first on the newsgroup and later in countless ICQ/IRC chats. However, I
considered him to be one of my closest friends. This is the first time
I've lost a friend from the internet and it is just as
devastating as losing a friend in real life. I am still in shock from
hearing about it, this will heal over time but I know I will miss him

When I was thinking about what to write the very first thing that came
into my head was Laughter, Antti always had the ability to cheer me up
when I was feeling low - a skill he used very often. The other thing
that keeps coming back to me is that odd
concept known as "bedtime". Both of us being almost totally nocturnal we
had gotten into a tradition of yelling at each other to go to bed at
some ridiculous time of the morning, we rarely did of course until some
time much later :)

The last conversation we had was typical, it consisted of about half a
dozen messages thrown back and forth each containing "Go to sleep!".

Of afp, I will always remember his postings which where in their turn,
witty, heartfelt and sometimes downright surreal. Whatever he wrote was
always worth reading, I will miss reading about his aversions to all
things cheese and garlic especially - the non-consumption of being
something of a passion of his! It was all in good fun though.

Reading the wonderful posts that have appeared on afp over the past 24
hours I realise how much he was loved and respected by all those who
knew him. My thoughts and prayers go out to them, and to his family.

Chris Horry
England, 31 March 1999
(at some typically ridiculous hour of the morning)

I don't know what to say. I am completely stunned. All I can really
think of is that Antti was truly one of the best reasons for reading
this newsgroup, and was probably the only poster who could be guaranteed
to make me laugh.

Condolences to all his family and friends. I'm sure he we will be sorely
missed by anyone who knew him, in real life and on this newsgroup.

Bye, Antti.


He will live in our hearts forever.

Meg Harris

I never had the pleasure of contacting this person but knew two folk who
did and judging by their reactions i can honestly say that the world is
a lesser place today


Please convey our deepest sympathy to his family (I'm sure I speak for
many here). His wit and intelligence have lightened many days for me
while he was posting. I will miss him too.

Tamar Lindsay

I am almost at a loss for words.. life is a horrible but splendid thing
and those that don't deserve it have it, while those that do deserve it
have it taken from them..

To my friend Antti I offer this:

Mind that sparkled, heart of gold,
Life's long story never told.
What he was, was what we'd see,
And what we wish we all could be.

I'll miss you Antti.
Thank you for being you.


My first thoughts were of the wasted moments.
Those first few, slightly awkward conversations as we got
to know each other.
The times when I thought I was too busy for more than a
brief 'hello, how are you?'.
The times when I laughed and joked, rather than telling
him he was a friend.
But then there were the times when he was there for me
when I needed a shoulder.
The times when I was proud to be a shoulder.
The times when he brought tears of laughter, on the days
when I most needed them.
The times his intelligence, wit and insight brought home
to me yet again how much I respected him.
The times when he tried to persuade me to move to Finland
(no doubt as part of his attempts to host a quorate meet!)

One day, maybe, I'll be able to look back at those times
and enjoy the memories. Now, I can only think of the fact
that those times are over.

I miss him and I hope he knew how much he meant to me and
to everybody else who encountered him and couldn't help but
be charmed by him.


I can still hear his laughter,
I can still hear his song.

To my new friend who helped me be brave on icq
And showed, by example, what a real post could be.

Kind, caring, witty, tenacious and patient.
Brave in his own opinions and respectful of others.
All this and more was TOTAntti.

Rest in Peace
With Love and *hugs*

Michael Wilkinson

I am only new to this newsgroup so I didn't get to see many of the posts
made by Antti. The ones I have seen have all been witty and interesting
and I wish I could have seen more. I would just like to express my
condolences to his friends and family and say that from the response to
the news, he must have been a very well liked member of the newsgroup.

Robin May

It really is true then; the best do die young.

I think this is the first time I've cried for someone I've
never met. But he did feel like a soul brother to me, and
I was looking forward to actually meeting him some day, and
hearing the wonderful music he wrote. I'll just let Antti
himself get the last words.

Stig M. Valstad

But maybe there is more to say
The thinking end of DNA
A little lost, may find its way


I think it would also be appropriate for those of us who cared to light
a single white candle for him, thinking of his spirit expressed in the
flame, and let it burn out without disturbance. Any of you here in
Australia or all round the world who would like to join me in this,
please feel free. It is a gentle way to say goodbye.

.Nisaba Merrieweather

I too am extremely saddened that such a likeable poster with such a
ready wit and a kind word has been taken from us... it is not often that
I find myself in tears over a post... this is one time I make an

Antti - I will miss you, and like Miq, really wish I could have got to
know you in person.

To Antti's close family and friends - a treasure has been taken from us
all, and my thoughts are with you.


I'm really sorry to hear this. My condolences to his family.
Something that gives me great comfort in bereavement is a saying
(IIRC a Hopi Indian saying) which runs something like : "No man
is truly dead until the last story he told is forgotten, the last
tool he made is broken...". Antti has affected all of our lives
in someway, some large and some small.


Once again AFP surprises me with the emotion I attach to people who only
exist to me as patterns on a computer screen...

This is my third attempt at this (the other two times I had to go away
and do something else, it was getting too much for me), and I really
don't know what to say.

So I won't.

<a minute of respectful silence>

</a minute of respectful silence<


In our exchanges I found him thoughtful, intelligent and funny, and
rather touchingly shy. My sincere condolences to his family.



Another hourglass emptied to soon :-(

Alex Carlton

I regret the conversations we never had,
the time we did not spend together.
I regret that I never told him that he made me happy,
when I was in his company.
The world was a better place for his being in it.
These things alone do I now regret:
Things left unsaid.
And he is gone.

(From Neil Gaiman's Sandman)

Barry Vaughan

I really can't add much to what's already been said, but I feel that I
must say something

I have no faith to fall back on, none of my beliefs help right now.

If there are gods or a God, then why?
Why one of the good guys?

My thoughts are with Antti's family and those who loved him.

Good bye, and thanks for the good times.

Andy Brown

No sig.
Just tears.

I just heard the sad news about Antti and I can't believe he's
gone. He impressed me with his eloquence, even more so
considering that English is not his first language. I'm sure if
this had been anyone else in the group, Antti would have known
exactly what to say.

Some people think a net friendship isn't "real", that because
you never meet the person in real life that it isn't as valid as
other friendships. Antti certainly proved that wrong. He
genuinely cared about the people he met through, and ICQ. I will probably never accept that he
is really gone. To me, that is a good thing. For hundreds of
Antti's friends around the world, he will never really be
gone, just "away" for a while. Because of his ability to
understand people, and to empathise with them, I can't think of
anyone who wouldn't want to be his friend.

The thing I remember most about Antti was his attitude to life.
He could always find the most positive way of looking at a given
situation. He knew when the right time was to make a joke, and
when to simply be there for someone who was feeling down. He
accepted that pain is a part of life, but he never let it take
over. His ability to live life optimistically is what I hope that
I learned from Antti. It was an honour to have been able to share
his thoughts for the short time that I knew him.

Emma Fealy, Canberra Australia

I can only join those who haven't known him personally or even closer
but loved his postings.
The world will be a sadder place without him.



Wherever you are now bro' I hope you're having a blast!

Rob Smiley

I never knew Antti - only through his posts to AFP - but when I heard
the news the following poem came into my brain.

Truely Madly Deeply

Forgive me,
If you are not living,
If you beloved, my love, if you have died,
All the leaves will fall on my breast,
It will rain on my soul, all day, all night,
My feet will want to march to where you are sleeping,
but I shall go on living.


'Life is made up of sobs, sniffles and
smiles with sniffles predominating'
O Henry

I didn't know what to say when I heard the news on irc last monday, and
still don't know what to say, except:
Antti, you will be missed.

My thoughts are with his family and those close to him.


I didn't know Antti, but I join in the mourning for a fellow Pterry fan.


Words fail me. There is just this I found last night :


And if I go,
while you're still here. . .
Know that I live on,
vibrating to a different measure
- behind a thin veil you cannot see through.
you will not see me,
so you must have faith.
I wait for the time when we can soar together again,
- both aware of each other.
Until then, live your life to its fullest.
And when you need me,
Just whisper my name in your heart,
. . .I will be there.

(c) 1989 Colleen Corah Hancock

John Warden

Dear Antti's family and friends,

Many people come to the newsgroup and become
part of the friendly noise. Amidst this noise are a few posters who
stand out for their exceptional writing, humour, and all-round niceness;
sometimes you just know the first few times someone posts that they're
going to be one of those people -- and Antti was definitely one of those
talented newcomers.

While I only knew Antti through his articles to and a
few e-mails, I will miss him for our mutual love of the English language
and writing, and his crazy sense of humour.

Our brief exchange of e-mails started when I disagreed with one
of his viewpoints. It quickly became apparent that underneath the
looniness, there was a very level-headed person who cared a lot about
the people around him. I remember Antti's touching apprehensiveness of
being misunderstood, while he made more sense than he probably knew --
he really thought matters through carefully. His tact and willingness to
take the time to explain helped us to come much closer to agreement. For
this, and other things, I developed a great deal of respect for him.

We talked about the BBS he spent a long time on as a teenager,
and and how it would all be remembered. I know
that he will be fondly remembered and that he will be very much missed
by his online friends. My sincere condolences to you, his family and

In sympathy,

Kimberley Verburg

In the hope it may bring some comfort to those who feel this
lost the most may I suggest the phrase,

A man's wealth is judged not by the contents of his wallet but
by the quality of his friends

to be used, if at all, in whichever way, shape or form you
believe suitable.


I didn't know you all that well, Antti, but your postings could make me
laugh. Now I'm crying on the inside and at a loss for words that can
make clear how much you meant to this group.

You will be remembered, always.

My condolences to Antti's family and friends; my thoughts are with you.


>Antti "Let's see the walrus again!"

For reasons unknown to me, this quote is the first thing to make me
completely stop, and almost break down.
This is the first thing which has made me realise how much will
miss him. He was allways there to brighten up the mood, and made me
laugh on so many occasions.
To a friend, even though you cannot read this, Goodbye.

John Gilbertson

Antti was the first afper to ever talk to me, he greeted my rather naive
query with a warm and cheery email.
I looked forward to reading his posts.
Now I've got a runny nose and a big lump in my throat.
Big hugs to those that knew him well. I wish that I had known him

"So many things I should have said
Just silent words inside my head
Too late to say them
Too late to hear
To late to reach you,
Time only for tears.
I would that I had spoken
All those things I should have said
That now remain forever
Just silent words inside my head."


Very sad new indeed, Antti's posts were always worth reading. I
always looked forward to seeing what madness (meant in the nicest
possible way) he would come up with next.


Hello Antti,

You don't know me,
Although I've read many things you've written,
And I laughed aloud.

Now I'm crying,
But please don't take offence -
I'm not really crying for You, you see;
I don't think you'd like it much,
And tears for laughter doesn't seem like a fair exchange.


I know there'll be lots of laughing
Wherever you are,
So surely no-one will mind if I cry
Just a little bit?

I'm crying for Them
Who loved you and lost you,
And I'm crying for Me
Who'll never meet you,
So I'll carry on for now
If you don't mind.

Thanks so much for understanding.

All the best,


Goodbye Antti. This world is now a worse place.


I have just loaded the NG, and have just seen this - what can I say?
Nothing which hasn't already been said by you all here on afp... fare
thee well, Antti, fare thee well.

-Andrew Gray.

I only knew Antti through his posts and very occasionally thru chat,
but I felt very upset when I read the news.

Sincere condolences to his family.

"Peach and plum blossoms
speak no word :
Lines of admirers
tread a path under them"


I can't believe it.

I remember chatting with Antti on ICQ and IRC; he was always so nice and
friendly and funny and above all crazy about Trina, which made me laugh
the most because he was just so in love with her. He talked bout her
all the time (I didn't talk to him that much, especially recently, but
he never went without mentioning Trina). Oh, now I'm tearing up... His
attachment to Trina is a reminder to me of the fact that AFPers are as
real as the people I see every day, and that the attachments which make
up the AFP community are as important as any other. I am ashamed that I
ever mocked those who get attached to the people they meet through
electronic means.

Antti, I miss you. Thank you for your humor and your human wisdom.

Laurabelle .sig in mourning

I only knew Antti from his posts to AFP but I do know that the light he
brought to the group will continue to shine in all our hearts.

My thoughts and prayers go to his family and friends

Paul Warwick

I barely knew him at all but your mourning has made me cry.
My heart goes out to all who knew and loved him.


I'd like to join with everyone else in expressing my deepest sympathy to
his family and friends.

Though I never really knew him, his posts never failed to raise a
smile, and reading the messages here it becomes clear that he touched
the lives of so many people, from all corners of the globe, in his time
with us. He will be greatly missed.

Rest in peace, Antti, and farewell.


All I can add is this: I've been on a.f.p. a long time, though
I've never played as big a part in it as Antti did, and probably
never will. Nevertheless, I have met some of you and consider
myself privileged to have done so. If I had had the chance to
touch the lives of so many wonderful people and know that they
all considered their lives to have been so enriched for having
known me, I would feel greatly honoured, gratified, and would
consider my time on this Earth well spent indeed.

My deepest condolences to his family, to Trina, and to all the
many others here who knew him as I never will.

Adrian Ogden

ah gods, another light gone out.

I didn't know Antti all that well; I'd mostly 'left' AFP before he
arrived, but from what little I knew this poem seems especially
appropriate. I'm not posting the entire poem, due to potential
copyright violation stuff, but here it is.

I am not resigned to the shutting away
of loving hearts in the hard ground.
So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been time out of mind:
Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely. Crowned
With lilies and with laurel they go; but I am not resigned.

Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you.
Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust.
A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew,
A formula, a phrase remains,--but the best is lost.

The answers quick and keen, the honest look, the laughter, the love,--
They are gone. They are gone to feed the roses. Elegant and curled
Is the blossom. Fragrant is the blossom. I know. But I do not approve.
More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the

Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave
Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned."

--from "Dirge Without Music," Edna St. Vincent Millay


Filk for Antti

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