The L-Space Web: Filks

A denizen of afp


From: emmet
Date: 1997/09/15
Newsgroups: alt.fan.pratchett

In article <341C7713.91BC0850@ukonline.co.uk> , confused at wibble.org wrote:

> I cannot tell a lie - Emmet wrote it! Ha!

Nope. Things I write have more wordplay[1] and less ferocity.

Emmet
[1] For example:

*ahem*

I am the very pattern of a denizen of afp,
Though recent circumstances have reduced my posting frequency,
I've purchased ankhs and t-shirts and some other merchandise as well
I have received proposals some of which were not from Damerell,
I have conferred cognomens although none have been intentional,
And attended celebrations both Clarecraftic and Conventional,
I witnessed certain Chairmen being dunked in substance edible,
[ edible.. hmmm ]
My skills at hurling cabbages are something quite incredible.
[ His skill at hurling cabbages is something quite incredible,
His skill at hurling cabbages is something quite incredi-credible ]
I've entertained our visitors both Merkin and Canadian,
At *Independence Day* I was seen cheering for the alien
In short in every circumstance where I am ever found to be
I am the very model of a denizen of afp.

With Goddesses and pitbulls I am sometimes conversational,
I always read ppint posts which I find most educational,
On products made of dough I can discourse for hours quite easily
And have been known to sit on bars and dress myself up sleazily.
Of signatures with hedgehogs in I have created three or four,
If searching for a goat I can assist you to select your door,
For punes or plays on words I will distort a sentence frantically,
And points that are obscure I will illuminate pedantically.
[ On points where he's unsure he will expostulate pedantically
on points where he's unsure he will expostulate pedantic-antically.]

In courtesy to all I hope I've never yet been found a lout
In ASCII I can quickly reproduce a magic roundabout
You see it's nice and accurate for all of you to grant to me
The title of the model of a denizen of afp.

I've folded bits of paper for a person in a purple shirt,
And those who deign to notice seem to think I'm something of a flirt,
The group has had two weddings both of which I was a presence at,
I've signatures by dozens of the bald guy with the snazzy hat.
Should you pour imperfect Guinness I will tell you so in great detail,
Involving me in flamewars you will quickly find to no avail,
Seattle versus Cork, yes, I can argue which is rainier,
I have not *quite* succumbed yet to complete megalomania,
I've posted using footnotes since the Cabal That Is Not were new
And by the way, of Terry Pratchett's books I've even read a few.
So I can say with confidence completely categorically
I am the very model of a denizen of afp.


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