The L-Space Web: Filks

The Newsfeed Cometh


Author:Gid Holyoake
Newsgroup: alt.fan.pratchett
Date: Fri, 18 Jun 1999

Testing, testing, one two, one two.. is this thing on?.. oh.. right..

Ahem..

The other night on #afp we were discussing Peter, Paul and Poe, and someone (I think it was Megamole but I can't quite remember) suggested that Megamole and Peter should start calling themselves Wallonia and Duck.. for those that don't get this reference it is an awful pune (or play on words) on the names of two brilliant comedy songwriters called Flanders and Swann..

Unfortunately, this set me thinking.. <voice = Dr. David Banner> Don't make me think.. you wouldn't like me when I'm thinking! </voice> and when I think I have a tendency to filk at the same time..

So with the gravest of apologies to the late lamented Flanders and Swann, and also to Wallonia and Duck because I've pinched a perfectly good F&S song to filk which probably would have been better done by them, I give you my tribute to the fine body of people who make this newsgroup run like a clockwork thing would if the spring were a bit rusty, a few teeth were knocked off a cog here and there, and the whole thing could occasionally do with a bit less winding-up:

The Newsfeed Cometh!

'Twas on a Monday morning the newbies came to call,
And most of them were fine - they settled right in with us all.
Some of them were using Outlook, forced to quote all wrong,
So we knew the old farts' emails would be sent to them 'ere long.
Oh it all makes work for the poor old farts to do!
'Twas on a Tuesday morning the first clues had been sent,
And most that did receive them said "All right, we do repent."
But some of them thought they knew best, "Up yours!" was their refrain,
So we knew the old farts' emails would be being sent again.
Oh it all makes work for the poor old farts to do!
'Twas on a Wednesday morning the worst ones tried to troll,
Or posted mindless drivel that they thought was rather droll.
They strutted round like peacocks and they wouldn't play the game,
So we knew the old farts' emails would be turned from "warm" to "flame!"
Oh it all makes work for the poor old farts to do!
'Twas on a Thursday morning the trolls began to fight,
And posted up ad-hominems to set the froup alight.
They quarreled and they shouted that "We have the right to post!"
So we knew the old farts' emails would be turned from "flame" to "roast!"
Oh it all makes work for the poor old farts to do!
'Twas on a Friday morning the trolling reached its peak
And made it now impossible to turn the other cheek.
A silly luser sent a post insulting an old fart,
So we knew the old farts' emails would be turned into a LART
Oh it all makes work for the poor old farts to do!
On Saturday and Sunday, new systems to install
So 'twas on a Monday morning that the newbies came to call...

Gid


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