The L-Space Web: Filks

Good King Verence


Newsgroups: alt.fan.pratchett
Subject: [F] [I] Yet another Hogswatch Carol
From: MegaMole
Date: Sat, 28 Nov 1998 21:51:38 +0000

First, thanks to Dmark for providing the seed of inspiration... Then, apologies for the trochaic metre and tortured rhyme scheme; but it's not my own and you have Czechoslovakia to blame...

An Epithalamium :

On the occasion of the Wedding of Mss. Magrat Garlick, Wytch, to Verence II Rex Lancrastiorum.

Good King Verence looked one day
Out of Lancre Castle,
Saw young Shawn Ogg run his way
With a plain brown parcel.
Brightly grinned the royal Fool
With anticipation,
Thinking that he'd found The Tool
For marital relations.

Long he'd wondered how to deal
With such circumstances -
Every young groom knows that he'll
Make the first advances.
So he told himself - O.K.,
I'll resort to retail,
And buy books from far away
Which explain in detail.

But, though Lancre folk are wise,
They're no gud att spelings.
Crossing t's and dotting i's
Fails in rural dwellings.
Due to such a small mistake
"Martial Arts" was posted;
Verence saw the wrapping break
And with shame he roasted.

"Never mind", said Nanny Ogg,
"Shawn could use the training -
Maybe practise on the dog
Or find legs for straining.
As for Magrat and yourself,
here's a quiet lecture;
I'll assure your married health
If you go and fetch her."

Gentles, learn from Lancre's King
What this lesson shows you:
Doesn't mean a single thing
If you can't spell "hosue";
Wet hens get their share of cock
E'en with Foolish lovers -
What's behind the bedroom lock
*Every* man discovers.

Megamole


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