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House of the Mended Drum

From: Malachi
Subject: Lyrics: House of the Mended Drum

Well, folks, I've been reading these posts about a version of "The Hous of the Mended Drum." I just wanted to let you know that we yanks already have a version. Presented here, for the first time, for your edification and enjoyment, is:

The House of the Mended Drum

There is a pub in Ankh-Morpork
They call the Mended Drum
And it's been the start of many a poor boy
And, Gods, I know I'm one.

My Father was a fighting man
He stomped his enemies flat.
My mother was a working girl
Who came from cold Sto Lat.

Now my father, he had downed a few
Then said, "Let's have some fun."
And all night they shook the floorboards loose
Upstairs in the Mended Drum.

At dawn he went down to light a fag
Twelve crossbows were aimed at him
He lost his life to the city guard
For malicious lingering.

Now my mother did not cry at all
For she was unaware
That inside her woking lady's womb
A baby she did bear.

When nine months, they had come and gone
My mother did give birth
She asked her friend, the sausage man
"What's this snapper worth?"

Now the greedy sot was tempted
And did some research fine.
But for the family holdings
Dear dad was eigth in line.

What little he would get, of course,
Was sure to never be mine
For ahead of this poor bastard son
Were seven brothers fine.

Now it did not take my mother long
To see what she could reap
So came the morning Modo found a babe
On top his compost heap.

So here I sit upon my stool
And to the barman I do confide
With my pint of scumble at my hand
And an ape perched by my side.

But Death, I see him coming for me
My life he plans to claim
I know I'll never last tll morn'
And this pub will be the same.

So tonite before I leave I swear
A keg, I'll finish one!
And end my days where they began
In that pub called the Mended Drum.

This should be sung to the tune of "House of the Rising Sun."

All words are currently by Malachi Kenney (that is to say: ME) but additions and suggestions are welcome and encouraged.

Doesn't that sound pompous?

So, send any ideas to, and enjoy singing this to your friends after you've all had two pints too many.

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