The L-Space Web: Filks

Brush up on your Tennis


Author:Gid Holyoake
Newsgroup: alt.fan.pratchett
Date: Tue, 22 Jun 1999

Hmmm.. I don't know whether anyone has noticed, but it would appear that Wimbledon fortnight is upon us once again.. damn.. that's got me thinking again, and we all know what happens when I think don't we.. yes.. that's right.. I start filking.. oh dear..

My sincerest apologies to any Cole Porter fans out there, but I'm afraid this just had to be done, otherwise I'd be stuck in thinking mode, and who knows what might have happened then.. :-)

Brush up your tennis, start playing it now.
Brush up your tennis, and the women you will wow!
If you ain't got the style to join rock-bands,
Get your girl with your fore or your back-hands.
When in Tesco's you walk with your trolley,
Show her just how you do your half-volley.
If you think it can't get any better,
Then you're well on your way to straight-set her!
Brush up your tennis, and they'll all kowtow.
String up your racquet, start showing your knees.
String up your racquet, and your girl you will please!
If you'd like to persuade her you're real hot,
Hit your balls with a slice or a lob shot.
Then light up her heart like a bonfire,
When you argue a call with the umpire.
Watch as her brain turns to hot fudge,
As your ace fires straight into a line-judge.
String up your racquet, and it's you she'll squeeze!
Brush up your tennis, start playing it now.
Brush up your tennis, and the women you will wow!
Play with panache and I'm betting,
That she'll soon be tied up in your netting
Watch for the tears that she'll blub,
When you're on Centre-court at the Queen's Club.
You'll know that you have found your true aim,
When you finish the match with a love game!
Brush up your tennis, and they'll all kowtow.
*(Play a let)*
And they'll all kowtow,
*(First service)*
And they'll all kowtow,
*(New balls please)*
And they'll all kowtow.

Gid


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