The L-Space Web: Filks

Clueful People


From: Aquarion
Newsgroups: alt.fan.pratchett
Subject: [I] [FILK] Clueful People
Date: Mon, 07 May 2001 22:56:31 +0100

Mike Knell took 24 tacks to pin this to the wall of alt.fan.pratchett
>Doesn't quite have the impact of "I met {her,him} at the candy store,
>{she,he} turnedarounansmiledatmeyagetthepicture?" (Yeah, we see) [1]
>of that other tale of Doomed Love At First Sight, though.
>
>Unfortunately, I can never remember the next few lines. For some reason
>my memory tells me it's "I took her to a supermarket", but that's
>*another* song of doomed love.

Do you realize how easy it is to get a song stuck in my head?

Approximately this easy.

So I tried to filk Common People to the story from Leader of the Pack, from the blokes perspective.

I gave up, I have an assignment for tomorrow, and it was taking too long, so I said:

I must not filk.
Filk is the thread killer.
Filk is the little post that causes total obreferentialness
I will face my filk.
I will let it rhyme over me.
And when the tune has passed, I will set the MP3 player to it's path.
Where the filk has gone there will be nothing.
Only rhyme will remain.

But the tune didn't go away. And the MP3 Monster came up with Different Class, and so, the logical response.

Mike, This is all your fault:

Clueful People,

TTTO of Common People, By Pulp. Album version.

She came from Yahoo with a thirst for knowledge
She had a net account from her home collage, that's where I
Caught her eye.

She told me that she had the bandwidth,
I said in that case, "i'll have a Linux sandwich"
she said fine.

And then in thirty seconds time, she said:

I wanna surf with clueful people.
I wanna post however clueful people do.
Wanna cyber Clueful people.
Wanna cyber Clueful people.
Like you.

Well what else could I do?
I said go,
Go install ICQ.

I took her to the Lspace server,
I dunno why but I had to start her
somewhere.
So we started. There.

I said "Don't A/S/L the users"
She just Lol'd and said "you're so amusing"
I said. Yeah?
Because you don't see anyone else asking, do ya?
Are you sure?

You wanna be a clueful person?
Want to post whatever clueful people see?
Want to Cyber Clueful people?
Want to cyber clueful people?
Like me?

But she couldn't, find the clue.
And she ROTFL'd though and though...

Throw out all the AOL
And stop the top-posting as well
Cut your sig lines down to four
Don't post in non-text anymore.
and still you'll never get it right,
coz when you being flamed at night
being larted by a wall
you just go on your way and ignore them all.

Yeah

You'll never be a clueful person,
never post the things that clueful people see.
You will just be auto-killfiled.
Within a single post. Or maybe three,
Never meet, or disperse clue,
because you want to help the few.

<Instrumental>

Read the faqs for the clueful people
Read the faqs and it might just get you though.
Flame along with the clueful people
flame along even though they're flaming at you,
and the stupid things you do,
because you didn't read the Q's.

Like a lart in a hidden holder,
they will flame you, but first they'll warn yer.
To toast.
They'll make you're insides roast.
Coz everybody hates a moron,
especially when they think it's all "only net",
Yeah
and the hate disappears,
when they hit disconnect.

You will never understand,
Why Usenet must be so,
Why the protocols are there
And with rules you don't yet know.
You are amazed that they exist
Because you thought we mucked about
But now you wonder why.

Throw out all the AOL
Sop the top-posting as well
Cut your sig lines down to four
Don't post in non-text no more.
and still you'll never get it right,
coz when you being flamed at night
being
larted by a wall
you just go on your way and ignore them all.

Never be a clueful person,
never post the things that clueful people see.
You will just be auto-killfiled.
Within a single post. Or maybe three,
Never meet, or disperse clue,
because you want to help the few.

Wanna surf with clueful people. Like you.
Wanna surf with clueful people. Like you.
Wanna surf with clueful people. Like you.
Wanna surf with clueful people. Like you.
Wanna surf with clueful people. Like you.
Wanna surf with clueful people. Like you.
Wanna surf with clueful people. Like you.

oooh la la la la
oooh la la la la
oooh la la la la
oooh la la la la
oooh la la la la

Oh yeah.

Yours in total sincerity,

Aquarion

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