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Klingon Cuisine


From: MegaMole
Newsgroups: alt.fan.pratchett
Subject: [I] There's Klingons off the starboard bow, Captain...
Date: Mon, 21 Feb 2000 18:27:21 +0000

Blame those nutters in the Nearly Music Consort (sort of like AFPMad, but a wider scope) for this one. One line is all it takes...

========================================
KLINGON CUISINE
========================================

To The Hippopotamus Song, by Flanders and Swann

A bold Klingon officer was sitting one night
Near his Bird of Prey's holosuite door;
He wiped the blood off his hair as he finished his fight
And cleaned off his ba'atleth once more;
A voice on the comm link announced to the crew
That their tables were soon to be laid;
As thoughts of much drinking
Pricked our hero's thinking.
He shouted this gruff serenade:

GaH, gaH, glorious gaH,
Nothing quite like it to stuff Ha'DlbaH;
So let's make a sally
Down to the galley
And feast liberally
On glorious gaH!

As he walked down the corridor, he happened to see
A most comme il faut Klingonette:
He wasn't quite too horrid or too ugly to be
A randy old ghuy'cha' just yet;
He thought "Yes! HIjol!" as he noticed her ngech
And she eyed him all over again;
A finger he beckoned
Then, just as he'd reckoned
She joined in his happy refrain:

(chorus)

Then more drunken Klingons began to convene
In the galley just aft of the bridge;
I couldn't say anything on the terrible scene
Of the feast near the may'Duj's fridge;
They'd had too much HIq, and they started to chant
While the yIH purée round them did fly,
As every brave warrior
Sang old Klingon opera
This aria rose up to the sky...

(Final chorus)

"Cut-Everyone-Else's-Throat Dbl'aHgh"

ba'atleth: long, pointy bladey thing used by Klingons to cut each other
to small ribbons.
gaH: wormy stuff
Ha'DlbaH: meat
ghuy'cha': @#@$@%!
HIjol: beam me up
may'Duj: battle cruiser
HIq: wine
yIH: tribble

Spelling is (or should be) in accordance with standard tlhIngan Hol convention.


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