The L-Space Web: Filks

Longtusk


From: MegaMole
Newsgroups: alt.fan.pratchett
Subject: [I] That Book was @F@ The Cloggie invasion of Cambridge - 24/3/01
Date: Wed, 4 Apr 2001 11:44:53 +0100

Patrick Dersjant writes
>
>The One and Only "Mammoth" has been with Jeremy Stark for some time now.
>Its replacement, "Longargh", aka Mammooth Tooth^H^H, has gone to Flexor
>for duties above and beyond wossname. I suspect most of his 'All your
>wibble are belong to us' puns had something to do with it.
>
>Patrick

I was awarded this seminal oeuvre (i.e. pertaining to semen) by Martin "Cousin It" Wisse at the Valentine's meet for service to bad punes in general. I believe I have more than fulfilled my duties by reading it cover to cover, though the pain was excruciating. In a word, masto - DON'T.

It has even moved me to verse, in a peristaltic sort of way.

LONGTUSK
TT(partial)TO "Ernie, The Fastest Milkman in the West"

You could hear the rumbling sounds as they echoed through the ground,
And mosquitos bit his fur as they whined their way around.
And he plodded 'cross the icy steppes with fuzz upon his chest,
His name was Longtusk (Longtusk!),
And he was the hairiest mammoth in the West.

Sad Longtusk started off in life a mammoth with a hump,
Then some Cro-Magnons captured him and stuck sticks in his rump.
Captivity is numbing to a mammoth hero's soul,
And off he trod to save his tribe by geothermal hole.

They called him Longtusk (Longtusk!),
And he was the hairiest mammoth in the west.

Now elephants forget sod-all; they don't like nasty men,
So Longtusk was a stroppy bull when he met the Ugs again.
To find the moral of my tale is easy, if you look:
I've told you all the story - and you SHOULDN'T read the book.

They called it Longtusk (Longtusk!),
And it was the worst book written in the west.


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