The L-Space Web: Filks

No Calls


From: Mark A. Cooper
To: <filks@lspace.org>
Subject: Filks from 99
Date: Sun, 16 Apr 2000 01:52:15 +0100

--- [I] Filk for those who hate telecanvassers ---

Oh nooooo.... He's been at it again!

Well, given the lengthy discussion about the perils of telephone canvassers, I present a filk based on this very topic.

Couple of points of note, just in case :)
1. "Telcan" is the term used by Anglian Windows to refer to their mob (I know this only because my other half used to work for them. But she's much better now.)
2. Sorry about the use of the word "offa" (= "off of" = "off from"). None of those three are particularly grammatical, but then there are a lot of pop songs these days which aren't...
3. I *know* there are female telcans. It just worked better this way.

Enough rambling. Here it is!

No Calls (to the tune of "No Scrubs" by TLC)

A telcan's a guy who sits by a phone
And tries to sell crap to the public
Always sayin' what you should want
He just talks from his... from his... from his... from his...
So...

No I don't want your windows
No - you ain't havin' money of mine
No I don't wanna buy timeshare
No - please stop wasting my time

[CHORUS]
I don't want no calls
A telcan's a guy who can't get no cash from me
Got my number offa his list
He's making me pissed
Trying his spiel on me
I don't want no calls
A telcan's a guy who can't get no cash from me
Got my number offa his list
He's making me pissed
Trying his spiel on me

But a telcan's ringing me
And he's selling really hard
But there's no way I'll buy what he's offering
This guy must be a scrub, 'cause he got me out the tub
Ain't buying from no deadbeat (deadbeat)
So...

No I don't want your windows
No - you ain't havin' money of mine
No I don't wanna buy timeshare
No - please stop wasting my time

[CHORUS]

Now listen to me here when I'm talking
Oh yes son I'm talking to you
This place is a listed building
Oh yes son I'm talking to you
I'm gonna sue for harassment
Oh yes son I'm talking to you
Wanna grab all of my money
Oh no I don't want no

No calls
No calls
No no
No calls
No no no no
No calls
No no (no)

[CHORUS 4 TIMES]


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