The L-Space Web: Filks

Oi've goht Oi-Es-Dee-Hen in moi trac'r


Author: Alex Ridge
Newsgroup: alt.talk.mended-drum
Date: Date: Thu, 23 Sep 1999
Subject: Deranged ramblings of a harassed person...

Well, here I am sitting in a portacabin on my umteenth day at the British Oxygen Company and I still don't get it. They have huge great juggernauts, diesel tanks and liquid nitrogen tanks but have I seen one jot of oxygen? No. (I'm not taking into account the stuff I'm breathing, btw - that's free and afaiaa has very little to do with BOC)

What gives?

And more to the point, why the heck has BT just arrived to install ISDN into a bleeding portacabin. Next thing you'll know, they'll be installing ISDN into tractors and we can all go around saying things like "Oooooaaaaaaarrrrrr! Oi've goht Oi-Es-Dee-Hen in moi trac'r" and god forbid if that happened, the Worzels would have to release an updated version of "I've Got a Brand New Combine Harvester", and it'd probably go something like this...

I drove my tractor through your 'aystack last night.
I threw me pitchfork at your dog to keep quiet.
Now somethin's tellin' me that you'm avoidin' me.
Come on now, darlin', you've got somethin' I need.

*Chorus:*
'Cause I've got a brand new Compaq E-Tractor equipped with PGP
Come on now let's get together in perfect harmony.
'Cause I've got sixty-four kay downloads, and you've got thirty-three,

Now I've got a brand new Compaq E-Tractor equipped with PGP
I'll stick by you, I'll give you all that you need.
We'll have email and IRC - ISDN's built for speed
And you know I'll love you darlin', so give me your spam.
The thing I want the most is streaming real audio,
(Cause what)

*Chorus*

For seven long years I've been downloading this stuff .
I don't sleep in the bedroom - isn't IRC enough?
Now if I emailed you would you change your mind?
I'll give up alt.sex.tractors and the ICQ girls.

*Chorus*

Weren't my ISDN oh so Advanced?
I brought brand new disk drives in me cordy-roy pants.
In your new Sunday dress, e-purchased for just a grand,
We had our photos uploaded and then spammed.

*Final Chorus:*

Now I've got a brand new Compaq E-Tractor equipped with PGP
Now that downloads pass fifty kay I think that you and me
Should stop this geeking, and oh will you marry me
'Cause I've got a brand new Compaq E-Tractor equipped with PGP

(With apologies to the Worzels and everyone on atm-d)
Alex


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