The L-Space Web: Filks

Packard Bell


From: The Roach
Newsgroups: alt.fan.pratchett
Subject: [I] New job... and a filk
Date: Fri, 7 Apr 2000 10:49:47 +0200

OK, those on #afp already know, but it's wuite likely there are a few on afp who know me from ages past and haven't heard yet.

I got a new job. I'm leaving my old work to become an editor (IIRC) for the Dutch edition of the c't, which in itself is _the_ computer magazine in the Netherlands. So, after six years of help desk work (Yes, SIX years, and all of them on the same help desk...) I am finally getting away from the phone. I just wonder how long it will be before a ringing phone doesn't make me cringe.

To celebrate this momentous occasion, I have written a li'l something. It's not meant to slag off my old work place - to be honest, I rather enjoyed most of the colleagues and the atmosphere and I doubt the new job will be _that_ nice in this respect. It's meant more as a salute and a way to say 'remember the Ala^H^H^H^Wme'. There are a few terms that probably won't mean much to outsiders, but I hope they are few and far between.

Oh, what melody, you ask? That should be quite obvious after the refrain. Just remember, I don't like the Madonna version...

A long long time ago
I can still remember
how the lusers used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance
that I could make those 'puters dance
and maybe they'd be working for a while

But Ninety-Five did make me shiver
With the OS they did deliver
Bad news on the hard disk
I couldn't take one more risk

I can't remember if I cried
The day my first installation fried
But something touched me deep inside
The day my hope just died

So bye-bye, Packard Bell, it's bye-bye
Cleaned my desk just like my hard disk
and I'm ready to fly
I'll live without you - or at least I'm willing to try
How comes it feels as if I'm gonna die
How comes it feels like I'm gonna die?

Did you write the knowledge base
And do you have faith in what it says
If TSRC(1) tells you so?
DO you believe what the lusers say,
can a stupid joke just make your day,
And when they mess up, can you tell me what to say?

Well I know now that lusers often lie
Even though noone understands why
They just spout off excuses
Man, I dig those power users

With the customers you are all alone
With your own computer and a phone
I guess that's why I did simply groan
The day my hope just died.

I started singin',
Bye-bye, Packard Bell, it's bye-bye
Cleaned my desk just like my hard disk
and I'm ready to fly
I'll live without you - or at least I'm willing to try
How comes it feels as if I'm gonna die
How comes it feels like I'm gonna die?

Now, for six years I've been working here
And people thought I'd never leave
This shows how wrong people can be
Oh, the MIRO sang for the users all
With the DOS drivers that rarely fall
While the WIN drivers we still had to see.

Oh, and while this all was going on
The move to France had also won
The burn-in was adjourned
No work-system was returned
While we tried to figure out just why
the call back list grew all sky-high
And sometimes we just had to lie
The day my hope just died

And now I'm singing
bye-bye, Packard Bell, it's bye-bye
Cleaned my desk just like my hard disk
and I'm ready to fly
I'll live without you - or at least I'm willing to try
How comes it feels as if I'm gonna die
How comes it feels like I'm gonna die?

Helter Skelter in a summer swelter.
As we were sitting in that shelter
At over thirty Centigrade
The little airco almost croaked
We were sweating and our heads smoked
While the summer time would simply not abate.

From there it was the old burn-in room
Where our teeth chattered a different tune
Whereas it had been hot
Now really cold it got
"The Freezer" was our playing field
renovation noise refused to yield
and lots of problems were revealed
and some day my hope just died.

I started singing,
bye-bye, Packard Bell, it's bye-bye
Cleaned my desk just like my hard disk
and I'm ready to fly
I'll live without you - or at least I'm willing to try
How comes it feels as if I'm gonna die
How comes it feels like I'm gonna die?

Oh, and there we were all in one place,
A generation lost in space
While all the lusers call again.
So come on: Jack be nimble, Jack be quick!
Jack Flash sat on a candlestick
Cause fire is the Devil's only friend.

And someone had this great idea
And said to us, "Now listen here
Remastering is fine
It should just take much more time"
And as the flames climbed high into the night
To light the sacrificial light,
drums beat a TATTOO(2) of delight
The day my hope just died

They were playing
bye-bye, Packard Bell, it's bye-bye
Cleaned my desk just like my hard disk
and I'm ready to fly
I'll live without you - or at least I'm willing to try
How comes it feels as if I'm gonna die
How comes it feels like I'm gonna die?

I met a tech who sang the blues
And I asked him for some happy news
But he just smiled and turned away.
I read up on the information store
As I had done so many years before
But the news there didn't make my day

And in the cubes the techs almost screemed
The lusers yelled, and we were creamed
But not a word was spoken;
our help files all were broken.
And the free men I admire most
Of their new jobs they all did boast
They caught the last train for the coast
The day my hope just died.

And they were singing,
bye-bye, Packard Bell, it's bye-bye
Cleaned my desk just like my hard disk
and I'm ready to fly
I'll live without you - or at least I'm willing to try
How comes it feels as if I'm gonna die
How comes it feels like I'm gonna die?

They were singing,
bye-bye, Packard Bell, it's bye-bye
Cleaned my desk just like my hard disk
and I'm ready to fly
I'll live without you - or at least I'm willing to try
It feels as if I'm gonna die

Footnotes:

(1) Technical Support Ressource Center - or, more commonly said, 'Second Level'
(2) Software designed to prevent unauthorized copying of data - don't ask!

penI'yIn 'ej pechep

The Roach


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