The L-Space Web: Filks

Plastic Vorlon


From: MegaMole
Newsgroups: alt.fan.pratchett
Subject: [I] Plastic Vorlon - www.vorlondance.com?
Date: Fri, 14 Apr 2000 09:33:11 +0100

In article <qpanda-E5DCA0.22420213042000@news.supernews.com> on rec.music.filk, Mark D. McKean writes
>This came to me this morning at work, while looking at the Kosh inaction
>figure I keep on my desk to scare off cow-orkers...
>
>(Tune: Plastic Jesus (trad.?))
>
>I'm not bothered by jerks or morons,
>Long as I got my plastic Vorlon
>Sitting on the top shelf of my desk...
>

Now, as all you afpers know, this mole regards such things as a challenge.

"Behold, I tell you a mystery; Cthulhu shall not sleep, but filks shall all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye..."

I'm not fazed by jerks or morons,
Long as I got mah plastic Vorlon
Sitting on the top shelf of mah desk...
Through all trials and tribulations
He'll defend mah new workstation
From the PHBs and luseresque.

[Chorus]
Plastic Vorlon, plastic Vorlon
Sitting on the top shelf of mah desk...
Through all trials and tribulations
He'll defend this ole workstation
From the PHBs and luseresque.

Big green suit on, there he's sittin',
That red light tells you he ain't quittin',
Gonna sit there till the Shadow falls;
Get one in Forbidden Planet,
Compulsory for every fan, it's
Clear mah desk don't worry him at all.

[Chorus]

And funny-haired Londo Mollari,
Emperor of the Centauri,
Stands with Franklin, Vir and all the boys,
And ah got WAVs of Ivanova
Whisp'rin softly "Come on over",
With Babcom bleepin' as mah startup noise.

[Chorus]

I don't need no Media Player,
Long as I have a GIF of Leia
Lounging on mah desktop colour scheme,
I don't need to scan nude Padme,
Got the whole damn Sith Acad'my
Cruisin' in the PC of mah dreams.

[Chorus]

You can buy a Hutt called Jabba
Big slug gangster mound of flab, a
Boba Fett and ole Chewbacca too -
Playin' Quake and lookin' smarmy,
Cause I've got mah alien army
Lined up near mah mousemat watchin' you.

[Chorus]

Ah got other fannish stuff too,
Ah bought me a purple Cthulhu
To defend me from the multitudes;
With his tentacles a-coilin',
In mah percolator boilin',
Till mah cappucino froth is stewed.

[Refrain]

When ah'm doin' helpdesk duty,
T5's great for kickin' booty
Sayin' "He'll be back" jest scares them all;
Don't you mess with Terminator,
You'll be dog food on a plate, for
Ah took your phone number when you called...

[mwahahahahaaaa!]

[Chorus]

And when ah'm out there fixin' cable,
With Spock and Scotty I'll be able
To trace each strand from wall point back to hub,
And if ah'm achin' I'll be sure ta
Polish up mah old Uhura,
She's always there to give mah back a rub.

[Chorus]

When the boss-man wanders over
I get out mah stuffed Jehovah
And start to talk 'bout Judgment Day and hell,
He shrugs at the religious madman,
Unaware that I'm a sad fan,
Then out again Kosh comes and all is well!

[Chorus]


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