The L-Space Web: Filks

The Attack Of The Vending Machines


From: Joy Green
Newsgroups: alt.fan.pratchett
Subject: [I] Filk - The attack of the vending machines
Date: Fri, 07 Feb 2003 01:21:18 +1300

TTTO Teddy Bears Picnic

If you go down corridors today
You'd better go carefully
If you go down corridors today
Beware of what you may see
For things there are
Of evil intent
They're out to steal
Your mind and your rent
Today's the day
The vending machines go crazy

They may look like inanimate blocks
Unthinking and there to please
Still and full with hot drinks and chocs
A service to employees
But deep within
These wiked machines
A rabid hate
Is haunting their dreams
Today's the day
The vending machines go crazy

This time last year John walked by
The choc'lates caught his eye
He fancied a Mars bar fix that day
That's when things went sore awry
As the beast performed its tricks that day
First it ground his coin to dust
Amid a shower of rust
It grabbed his hand in its maw
At six o'clock security found him
A sad and boke man
And he's not working here no more (rpt last three lines)

If you are tempted to seek a cup
Of coffee or oxtail soup
I beg you, cautiously wander up
You'd better come in a group
And if you hear
A hiss or a roar
Or bubbling sound -
You'd best hit the floor
Today's the day
The vending machines go crazy

Poor Sarah only wanted tea
She had a thirst you see
Her throat was as dry as Bondi beach
Off she went to level three
The drink should have been well within her reach
As she walked toward the thing
A bell began to ring
And steamclouds filled up the hall
It's lucky she was such a fine sprinter
She just let go and ran
And she didn't look back at all (rpt last three lines)

On every day, except one a year
It's safe to go buy a snack
All other days there's no need to fear
Stealth vending machine attack
But if you love
your cash or your skin
Best bring your lunch
from home, in a tin
Today's the day
The vending machines go crazy

Joy


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