The L-Space Web: Filks

The Breasts Are Coming To Get Us


From: Adrian Ogden
Newsgroups: alt.fan.pratchett
Subject: [I][FILK] The Breasts Are Coming To Get Us
Date: 24 Jan 2003 00:03:00 GMT

It was a night on #afp, just like any other, and some of the denizens started comparing their breasts.

In response I idly threatened to filk this, only to have Mole take me up on it and start writing lines for real. So it's all his fault. :-)

It's the second time Mole & I have co-written a filk, and it was based on the same song the first time as well. Odd, that. We'd've posted it a few days ago, only by then there was a thread on breast-related fantasies going on, so we decided to wait a little. And now it's far too late to be topical, but tough. Here it is anyway.

TTTO a song oft performed by our very own Gid Holyoake (The French are coming to get us", by a chap called Mitch Benn)

Now as I lie here musing in my solitary bed,
A single great obsession is ringing in my head;
I've never felt the lack before of mistress or of wife,
But this could be the ruin of the British fella's life;

For the breasts are coming to get us,
And they never will leave us alone,
With their push-up bras
And their aur-e-o-las
And a gravity all of their own;
Oh yes, the breasts are coming to get us,
And the front of battle draws near,
With their lacy enhancements, cosmetic advancements
And cleavages, teats and brassieres;

We cannot take this lying down, we have to make a stand
The threat to common decency is getting out of hand;
I've tried to keep my dignity, I've tried to keep my grip
But it's getting very hard to keep the old stiff - upper lip...

Because
The breasts are coming to get us,
They'll come for you while you sleep
They'll creep into bed and envelop your head
In a quivering mammary heap;
Their ranks are dressed up Bristol fashion,
They're awaiting the final command,
They'll advance on all fronts in their mammary hunt
And you'd better not give them a gland.

Yes, the breasts are coming to get us,
They're weaving their magical spells
With their motions erotic and perfumes exotic
And glittery tassels and bells
Oh, I've tried every form of catharsis
To keep my libido in check
But a glimpse of a nip through a Freudian Slip
And I end up an Oedipal wreck!

This dreaming of mammary wibble
Is now really getting too much;
I'm deprived and I'm starting to dribble...
My number's here, please get in touch!

Adrian Ogden


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