The L-Space Web: Filks

The Clue Song


From: Adrian Ogden
Newsgroups: alt.fan.pratchett
Subject: [I] FILK: The Clue Song (Flanders & Swann)
Date: 7 Apr 2000 17:27:41 GMT

Errm, I really don't know what to say except that it just came to me. Any fans of Flanders & Swann will no doubt recognise it immediately.

Enjoy! (Please... :-) )

The Clue song

A year ago last thursday I was browsing a.f.p.
When I saw someone who thought he knew it all
He was posting mindless drivel, then seemed most surprised to see
Some other poster branding him a troll
He ranted "I've done nothing to deserve this squalid flame"
And he might have gone on thinking that was true
If the one he was abusing hadn't put that troll to shame
And remarked, "I ain't a flame; I'm a c-lue"

"I'm a c-lue
I'm a c-lue
I'm all warmth and light and sweetness through and through
I'm a c-lue
How do you do
You really ought to k-now w-ho's w-ho
I'm a c-lue
Spelt C-L-U
(Okay, I know that's not entirely true)
So let me introduce
I'm not here to hurl abuse
Oh c-no c-no c-no, I'm a c-lue"

I'd been rummaging through postings about chocolate, cheese, and bread
And some speculative thoughts on Captain Vimes
And I'd been participating in an interesting thread
That I'll tell you all about some other time
Amidst the bitter snipings of some wearisome tirade
Came some calm and reasoned words I thought I knew.
An insult? (No, too polite.) A warning? (No, too helpful, surely.)
When I thought I heard a voice: "I'm a c-lue"

"I'm a c-lue
A c-nother c-lue
Your language, it would turn the ether blue
I'm a c-lue
How do you do
You really ought to k-now w-ho's w-ho
I'm a c-lue
Spelt C-L-U
(To pedant the missing "E" I leave to you)
But don't try to shift the blame,
I'm neither LART, nor fart, nor flame,
Oh c-no c-no c-no
Oh c-no c-no c-no, I'm a c-lue"

Adrian Ogden


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