The L-Space Web: Filks

The Clueful Sysadmin


From: Gideon Hallett
Newsgroups: alt.fan.pratchett
Subject: [I]Filk - The clueful sysadmin
Date: Tue, 30 Nov 1999 19:55:32 GMT

Right. At the 5E signing a few weeks ago, a tarpine individual requested that I turn my hand to a traditional style of filk wot can be sung (or brutalized at the very least). So here is a ripoff of The Lincolnshire Poacher for the stressed network admins amongst us.

If there are any terms you don't understand, ask a sysadmin. Carefully. After having appeased them with a suitable offering.

It contains a naughty word. This is because it's designed to appeal to the rustic sense of humour. Stressing the naughty word while singing it gets you extra bonus points.

So, here is "The Clueful Sysadmin"...

When I was just a PFY
And had to pay for beer
I did my best to help folks out
The lusers I did hear
Till I was sick to death of fools
Insanity drew near
Now it's my delight of a whiny shite
In a morbid state of fear.

One busy day when all the techs
Were tearing at their hair
T'was then the luser hove in sight
For him we did not care
For we can control the disk arrays
And the files everywhere
Oh, it's my delight of a whiny shite
In a morbid state of fear.

As me and my fellow techs
Were playing with Cat V
And putting panels up again
To make the network live
To make the network live, my boys
And set up peer-to-peer
Oh, it's my delight of a whiny shite
In a morbid state of fear

We caught a weenie that same night
with smut in his /home
We cut his quota down to half
And sent his post to Rome
We sent his post to Rome, my boys
His screams were joy to th'ear
Oh, it's my delight of a whiny shite
In a morbid state of fear

Ill fate to every clueless twit
That bugs an engineer
Success to all the harrassed techs
That want to disappear
Ill fate to every manager
That will not buy the beer
Oh, it's my delight of a whiny shite
In a morbid state of fear

(- yes, I know the second verse doesn't rhyme; but it doesn't in
the original song either.)

(- and yes, it isn't to be taken entirely seriously. I don't really wish all users and/or customers to be killed painfully, since I'm a bob, and my income would suffer. Two-thirds would be a sufficient fraction...*g*)

Gideon.


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