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TheDugong Song


From: MegaMole
Newsgroups: alt.fan.pratchett,rec.music.filk
Subject: [I] The Dugong Song
Date: Mon, 10 Apr 2000 18:27:08 +0100

This is by way of being a little song I wrote after last Saturday's visit to the Natural History Museum with some afper friends. It struck me what a sad and philosophical animal the manatee must be. And I waxed (turtle-wax, bees-wax or some other sort?) lyrical as follows.

I believe the tune of the Milky Way Song from The Meaning of Life fits; you are free to stitch any other to it, though.

The Dugong Song, or Manatee Mambo
(c) Mole Filks 2000

The poor aquatic dugong, also known as manatee,
Is an animal with greatly misplaced pride;
He has Velcro on his chin, and boasts a sense of vanity
Which his neighbours think is most unjustified.

For his saggy baggy body is surrounded by grey skin
Which is rather wet and slimy to the touch;
His mouth curves at the corners in an idiotic grin,
Though by rights, he shouldn't smile at very much.

And this manatee insanity is nowadays too rare;
They're not aerodynamic, nor too fast.
They're all a bit myopic, so they haven't got a prayer
When a motorboat propeller slices past.

They have dugong congregations off the warm Orlando coast
Nursing injuries to flippers, flukes and hide;
They compare their dugong dossiers on who's been hit the most
As they slowly undulate from side to side.

The manatees, however, have distinguished histories;
In the days of anchors, sails and drunk Jack Tars
They impersonated mermaids with a quite surprising ease,
Causing many a tale in grog-stained dockside bars.

"Now imagine moi surprise, moi lads, when Oi dived off the side
For some rumpy-pumpy with a blonde-haired fish,
And got cuddled by a flipper much too thick, and much too wide,
And a face a little hairier than Oi'd wish."

So now we know the reason for their sly and secret smirks,
And their leisurely and slothful attitude;
They perceive hu-manatee as simply drowning, sex-mad jerks -
Their assessment of our threat is sadly skewed.

And if by misadventure you might meet a manatee,
Don't laugh at this sad beast you've chanced upon,
Just like Ecclesiastes, you'll find *all* is vanity -
'Cos very soon dugongs will be... du-gone.


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