The L-Space Web: Filks

The Old fart and the Irc-ing fan


From: Mark Datko
Newsgroups: alt.fan.pratchett
Subject: [I] The Old fart and the Irc-ing fan (long filk)
Date: Thu, 15 Feb 2001 13:59:35 -0000

This started off as the Nottingham meet filk but then grew I've been wanting to do this one for *ages*, and since I sang it in my school choir when I was 11, it is a *filk* :)

The pun was shining at the meet
Shining with all its might
It did its very best to make
The banter fun and bright
And this was odd, because it was
All that folks could cite

The fans were gath'ring merrily
Because they thought the pun
Had every business to be there
As Python quotes were done.
Lets have some fines for them they said
So charge, enrich the fun

The sweets were sweet as sweet could be
The ciders dry as dry
With baskets full of stranger things
And cuddly toys awry
Those afpers left at home online
Could only shrug and sigh

The Old fart and the Irc-ing fan
Were querying online
They wept like anything to see
Such wibble so divine
If this were only done each day
They said "It would be fine !"

"If seven geeks with seven ops
Logged on for half a year
Do you suppose", the Old fart said
That they could make things clear
"I doubt it" said the Irc-ing fan
And shed a bitter tear

"Oh newbies come and post with us"
The Old fart did beseech
"A thoughtful stream, a pleasant theme
Amongst the newsgroup speech
We cannot do with more than four
To give a HAND to each"

The latest newbie followed him
But not much sense he said
The latest newbie sent again
Repsonse not even read
Meaning to say he did not choose
To enhance the current thread

But four fresh newbies hurried up
All keen to get on track
Their sigs were neat, their margins trim
Their tags they did not lack
And this was odd, because you know
They hadn't read the FAQ

Four other newbies follwed them
And yet another four
And thick and fast they came at last
And more and more and more
And posts becoming tiresome
And such a dreadful bore

The Old fart and the Irc-ing fan
Scrolled down a page or two
And then they came across a troll
Conveniently new
And all the little newbies lurked
To see what they would do

"The time has come" , the Old fart said
"To geek of many things
Of bread and cheese and liquorice
And sometimes Tolkien's rings
And what on earth was going on
When Ankh-morpork had kings"

"But wait a bit" the newbies cried
"Before we start to chat
For some of us have no idea
What all of you are at"
"No hurry" said the Irc-ing fan
They thanked him much for that

"Some chocolate", the Old fart said
"Is what we chiefly need
Toffee flavoured, eggs besides
Are very good indeed
Now, if you're ready, newbies, dear
We can begin to feed"

"But not on us" the newbies cried
Turning a little blue
"After such kindness, that would be
A rotten thing to do"
"Sweetheart's awake" the Old fart said
"Let's get them in his queue"

"It was so kind of you to post
But you should stop and think"
The Irc-ing fan said nothing he'd
Broken off his link
"I wish this net would always work
And missives never sink"

"It seems a shame" the Old fart said
That they can't fit in here
After we've brought them on so far
With fairie's aid to steer
The Irc-ing fan said nothing
He been ' reset by peer'

"I weep for you" the Old fart said
I deeply sympathise"
With choice of posts he sorted out
Those that caused despise
Cajoling favoured newsreader
To effect a quick demise

"O newbies" said the Irc-ing fan
"You've had a pleasant run
Shall you be trolling here again
But answer came there none"
And this was scarcely odd, because
They'd killfiled everyone

Mark Datko (hippo)


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