The L-Space Web: Filks

The Scotsman Cometh

From: MegaMole
Subject: [I] Captain, she canna take much more of this...
Date: Mon, 20 Mar 2000 19:02:23 +0000

The Scotsman Cometh

To The Gasman Cometh, Flanders and Swann

'Twas on the Monday morning the Klingons came to call,
They fired at our inducer banks, we couldnae warp at all;
So we pulled out all the vortex coils to try and find the main,
And we had tae use tricorder scans tae put them in again!

Och, it all mak's work for the engineer tae do!
(Repeat after each verse)

Twas on the Tuesday morning, we'd fixed the vortex coils,
They fizzled and they crackled and they hummed and then they boiled,
The phase intake connection had got loosened in the fight,
Then some ensign tripped the jury switch and turned off all the lights!

Twas on the Wednesday morning we found the broken lamp,
No wonder that bulb wouldnae work when the fuse read 15 Amp;
Then replicators served us all a synthiholic stew,
And I had tae read the manual to find oot what tae do!

Twas on the Thursday morning I finished with the book,
When Captain Kirk came oot the lift with an irritated look;
He said "The Borg are after us, we need Warp Factor Nine,
And when I told them to Engage the ship just gave a whine."

Twas on the Friday morning we fixed the plasma core,
But we couldn't get the crate to go beyond Warp Factor Four;
Imagine my surprise, I said, when I found a can of oil -
It was lying on the circuit just below a vortex coil!

And I'll bet a dram o' whisky to a plank of rotten wood
That Jordi canna hold her too, because I never could!

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