From: pjie2@cam.ac.uk (Peter Ellis)
Newsgroups: alt.fan.pratchett
Subject: Re: [F] [I] Filk again...
Date: Sun, 1 Nov 1998 16:09:33 -0000 

pandinac wrote...
>
>G filk time again, is it? Okay...
>
>*ahem*
>
>He is the very model of a modern English humourist
>
..... etc.

Damn! Now you've inspired me, and I had to spend *hours* bashing this one
out... 		

*RINCEWIND:* 			
I am the very model of the coward fleeing gainfully 			
I spend my lifetime quivering in fear of dying painfully 			
I live in dread of criminals, and when I meet a mugger, he 			
Soon sees my fleeing back as I commence to run like buggery 			
I'm very well acquainted with an anthropoid Librarian, 			
As wizards go I have to say he's certainly a hairy 'un 			
In poly-fractal L-space I'm an island of normality, 			

[fx: searches for a rhyme for "normality"] 		

And never dare to tamper with the nature of Causality... 			

*OMNES:* 			
And never dare to tamper... etc. 			

*RINCEWIND:* 			
I'm very good at fleeing from humongous beasts with tentacles, 			
I break out in a rash when I see necromantic pentacles, 			
In short, when I am quivering in fear of dying painfully, 			
I am the very model of the coward fleeing gainfully 			

*OMNES:* 			
In short, when he is quivering in fear of dying painfully, 			
He is the very model of the coward fleeing gainfully 			

*RINCEWIND:* 			
I've stood up Death and left him standing all alone and grumbling, 			
While coping with a tourist who was short, naive and bumbling, 			
I've stood on rock-hard bill before creation of the Universe, 			
And sat among the houris while the Seriph spouted looney-verse. 			
I made the great Red Army march with sound of smashing pottery 			
(Some say that I was aided by the One who loves a lottery) 			
I've granted wishes three to zitty teenage demonologists... 			

[fx: searches for a rhyme for "ologists"...] 		

And wrestled with a beast that would confuse all known biologists! 			

*OMNES:* 			
And wrestled with a beast... etc. 			

*RINCEWIND:* 			
Then I can flee so fast I leave my sandals on the ground behind 			
(The only bit of me pursuing beasts are ever bound to find) 			
In short, when I am quivering in fear of dying painfully, 			
I am the very model of the coward fleeing gainfully 			

*OMNES:* 			
In short, when he is quivering in fear of dying painfully, 			
He is the very model of the coward fleeing gainfully 			

*RINCEWIND:* 			
In fact, when I know what is meant by "lassitude" and "sleepiness",

When I can live in somnolence without a shred of creepiness, 			
When I'm no longer dangling from a very steep locality, 			
And when I know precisely what is meant by "sweet banality", 			
When I am left alone in peace in some secluded area 			
When I'm no longer chased by monsters like King Kong, but hairier, 			
When I am in a quiet little tavern getting beerier 			

[fx: tries to find a rhyme for "beerier"] 		

You'll say this fearful wizzard could not possibly be cheerier! 			

*	OMNES:* 			
You'll say this fearful wizzard... etc. 			

*RINCEWIND:* 			
For though my Luggage follows me with homicidal loyalty, 			
And such devoted homage as a cretin pays to Royalty, 			
Yet still, when I am quivering in fear of dying painfully, 			
I am the very model of the coward fleeing gainfully 			

*OMNES:* 			
Yet still, when he is quivering in fear of dying painfully, 			
He is the very model of the coward fleeing gainfully. 	


Hi thank you
Peter