From: Jon
Newsgroups: alt.fan.pratchett
Subject: [I] Filk - Seamstress' House of Pleasure
Date: Fri, 2 May 2003 14:33:00 +0100

While filking the Stones' /Angie/ before, it for some reason gave me an
earworm of another song entirely. And, when you've got an earworm, there's
only one thing to do.

*Seamstress' House of Pleasure* (TTTO /Hotel California/, The Eagles)

(nifty guitar intro)
(bomp! bomp!)

In a dank city byway
Foul wind made it stink
I met a fatty policeman
Who said 'You've had too much to drink'
Up ahead in the distance
I saw the door to the Drum
My legs grew wobbly and my eyes grew dim
I fell down on my bum
There she stood in the doorway
I heard the ring of the till
I remember thinking to myself
"I wish that I'd took all of my pills"
Then she lit up a candle
And she showed me the way
There were voices in the corridor
I thought I heard them say

"Welcome to the Seamstress' House of Pleasure
Such a lovely place (such a lovely place)
The drains are a disgrace
There's plenty of room in the Seamstress' House of Pleasure
Any time of year (any time of year)
Though you may find it dear"

She got a revealing costume
I think I'd got the bends
She said, "For a small sum in dollars
I think we could be friends"
How we romped in her bedroom
Rank smelt the sweat
I think what we did was illegal
Though perhaps I forget
So I called up to Rosie
"Please bring me some wine"
She said
"That'll surely cost you love - another nineteen-ninety-nine"
And still those voices are calling across the way
Shouting out in the middle of the night
I could hear them say

"Welcome to the Seamstress' House of Pleasure
Such a lovely place (such a lovely place)
The drains are a disgrace
They're living it up in the Seamstress' House of Pleasure
Though it's no surprise (though it's no surprise)
They've all got alibis"

Mirrors on the ceiling
Pink drinks tasting bad
I got the distinct feeling
That I'd just been had
And in the Mistress' chamber
They're counting up the loot
Anyone hasn't got any
Gets a poke in the snoot
Next thing I remember
I'm thrown out of the door
Dotsie hit me in the head
Sadie kicked me to the floor
"Oh, dear," said the Aunties
"Don't try to run away -
You can get out any time you like
But you must always pay!"

(very nifty guitar break)