From: "Mark A. Cooper" To: Subject: Filks from 99 Date: Sun, 16 Apr 2000 01:52:15 +0100 --- [I] Filk for those who hate telecanvassers --- Oh nooooo.... He's been at it again! Well, given the lengthy discussion about the perils of telephone canvassers, I present a filk based on this very topic. Couple of points of note, just in case :) 1. "Telcan" is the term used by Anglian Windows to refer to their mob (I know this only because my other half used to work for them. But she's much better now.) 2. Sorry about the use of the word "offa" (= "off of" = "off from"). None of those three are particularly grammatical, but then there are a lot of pop songs these days which aren't... 3. I *know* there are female telcans. It just worked better this way. Enough rambling. Here it is! No Calls (to the tune of "No Scrubs" by TLC) A telcan's a guy who sits by a phone And tries to sell crap to the public Always sayin' what you should want He just talks from his... from his... from his... from his... So... No I don't want your windows No - you ain't havin' money of mine No I don't wanna buy timeshare No - please stop wasting my time [CHORUS] I don't want no calls A telcan's a guy who can't get no cash from me Got my number offa his list He's making me pissed Trying his spiel on me I don't want no calls A telcan's a guy who can't get no cash from me Got my number offa his list He's making me pissed Trying his spiel on me But a telcan's ringing me And he's selling really hard But there's no way I'll buy what he's offering This guy must be a scrub, 'cause he got me out the tub Ain't buying from no deadbeat (deadbeat) So... No I don't want your windows No - you ain't havin' money of mine No I don't wanna buy timeshare No - please stop wasting my time [CHORUS] Now listen to me here when I'm talking Oh yes son I'm talking to you This place is a listed building Oh yes son I'm talking to you I'm gonna sue for harassment Oh yes son I'm talking to you Wanna grab all of my money Oh no I don't want no No calls No calls No no No calls No no no no No calls No no (no) [CHORUS 4 TIMES]