Author:	"Alex Ridge" <harassed@lspace.org> 		
Newsgroup: 	alt.talk.mended-drum 		
Date: Date: Thu, 23 Sep 1999 		
Subject: Deranged ramblings of a harassed person...

Well, here I am sitting in a portacabin on my umteenth day at the
British Oxygen Company and I still don't get it. 		
They have huge great juggernauts, diesel tanks and liquid nitrogen tanks
but have I seen one jot of oxygen? No. (I'm not taking into account the
stuff I'm breathing, btw - that's free and afaiaa has very little to do
with BOC) 	

What gives? 	

And more to the point, why the heck has BT just arrived to install ISDN
into a bleeding portacabin. Next thing you'll know, they'll be installing
ISDN into tractors and we can all go around saying things like
"Oooooaaaaaaarrrrrr! Oi've goht Oi-Es-Dee-Hen in moi trac'r" and god
forbid if that happened, the Worzels would have to release an updated
version of "I've Got a Brand New Combine Harvester", and it'd probably
go something like this... 		 

I drove my tractor through your 'aystack last night. 			
I threw me pitchfork at your dog to keep quiet. 			
Now somethin's tellin' me that you'm avoidin' me. 			
Come on now, darlin', you've got somethin' I need. 		

*Chorus:* 			
'Cause I've got a brand new Compaq E-Tractor equipped with PGP 			
Come on now let's get together in perfect harmony. 			
'Cause I've got sixty-four kay downloads, and you've got thirty-three,

Now I've got a brand new Compaq E-Tractor equipped with PGP 			
I'll stick by you, I'll give you all that you need. 			
We'll have email and IRC - ISDN's built for speed 			
And you know I'll love you darlin', so give me your spam. 			
The thing I want the most is streaming real audio, 			
(Cause what) 	

*Chorus* 			

For seven long years I've been downloading this stuff . 			
I don't sleep in the bedroom - isn't IRC enough? 			
Now if I emailed you would you change your mind? 			
I'll give up alt.sex.tractors and the ICQ girls. 	

*Chorus* 			

Weren't my ISDN oh so Advanced? 			
I brought brand new disk drives in me cordy-roy pants. 			
In your new Sunday dress, e-purchased for just a grand, 			
We had our photos uploaded and then spammed. 		

*Final Chorus:* 

Now I've got a brand new Compaq E-Tractor equipped with PGP 			
Now that downloads pass fifty kay I think that you and me 			
Should stop this geeking, and oh will you marry me 			
'Cause I've got a brand new Compaq E-Tractor equipped with PGP 	


(With apologies to the Worzels and everyone on atm-d) 		
Alex