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Agatean Diary

The Thoughtm of Chairman McSweeney - Fruitbat 01


A most unusual thing happened today.

Five Clapping Duck, a hitherto unknown tax collector in some remote corner of Hung Hung province, came rushing in, white as a kimono, and babbling about some giant wild animal jumping over the wall from outside.

I had the animal - a strange, unkempt, almost human thing - taken to the venerable sage Four Racing Hippo, who surprised us all by declaring that the weird jabbering that issued from the creatures mouth was in fact a barbaric language, presumed long dead. After some effort we deduced that the creature was a Hubland Barbarian, bearing a message from its leader, Hrun.

It transpired that the awful man wanted an alliance of sorts. Well, I've no desire to occupy the frozen wastes of the Hublands, especially after having been camped upon by hordes of barbarians, so why not? There appears to be some stirring of civilization in the unexplored territory turnwise of our continent - the barbarians may prove useful in keeping them at bay.

These events spurred me to open diplomatic relations with the Ogg clan, who I have heard preside over the lands on the other side of the hub. I gave Clapping Duck the task of despatching a carrier albatross to these people bearing the lotus blossom of peace. The poor creature returned some weeks later with a badly mauled left wing (apparently it had been attacked by a creature known as a "Greebo") and a poorly spelled message threatening to turn Five Clapping Duck into "something nasty". It would seem that these people are more barbaric than the barbarians themselves. Unfortunately, their armies will reach Gonim before my fleets can.



The barbaric but brave Hrun has requested a council of war between us and the Circle Cities, to discuss the elimination of the foul witches of Ogg. I have despatched the malodorous Seven Flatulent Pig to attend, and will suggest through him the convoy of an army into Ecalpon.

Seven Flatulent Pig has returned with a message from the Barbarian promising to support the convoyed army into Ecalpon from the newly re-named Cutangelsk. This would be a sign of good faith if it were carried out. The barbarian could yet be of some use...

I have sent an albatross towards the unidentified continent turnwise of the Empire. I am somewhat concerned with the proximity of their fleets to Nafooi. My intention is to alert the powers of the place to the dangers south of their land, in particular the barbarians. I have tentatively offered the aid of our forces against the barbarians, although if Hrun supports Ecalpon, I shall have no intentions of doing so.

News has reached me from Bruce the Hoon of XXXX. His message seemed somewhat non-committal, and a decidedly impolite. It seems they have more in common with the Barbarians than with our cultured civilisation. I fear for the people of Nafooi...


All has gone well.

The barbarian kept his promise; the rough-edged Hoon did not invade Nafooi.

Now I am faced with a dilemma:

The Ogg clan will doubtless be wanting to move north, and Bruce the Hoon will be looking to expand, possibly towards the Empire.

And we have only sufficient resources for one new military unit.

I shall have to hope to diplome the Hoon into a southwards stab, possibly feigning support, and use a fleet in Bes Pelargic to block the advances of the cerebrally-challenged Jason Ogg.

Fruitbat 02



I am deeply suspicious of XXXX. They have made no motions turnwise, and must be considered a threat. Conversation with Hrun suggests he intends to foul the Mighty Empire.

An offer of the aid of Admiral Four Wet Squib and his fleets in Nafooi has been politely rejected - The Hoon seems to want me to stay in Nafooi. My suspicion is that he intends to take the Widdershins Widdershins Ocean, and does not want me to bounce him out.

Fortunately the ice of the Celestial Straits is melted, and I can support from the Pelargic Sea.

Unfortunately, if I do that I will not be able to prevent the advance of Ogg into the Sea of Storms.

Which is the more dangerous?

Hrun has proposed a plan, which would unfortunately demand the use of the Pelargic Fleet. It would put me in a good position to attack Ogg with Hrun's aid, but at cost of leaving the Turnwise coast of Agatea open to invasion by giant rats.

It seems the Barbarian is trying to woo the Oggonauts into trusting his alliance, whilst planning an attack with my aid. He is suggesting that he attack me with the aid of the Ogg clan - this must be some barbarian form of peace that we have not heard of. Nevertheless, he has explained the plan he has made with Ogg, and I can make my escape accordingly.

I know not if he can be trusted. As it is, I can do little with my army in Ecalpon anyway, and so shall move it into Oolskunrahod. We shall see if the barbarian keeps his word.


He kept his word.

Bruce the Hoon did as expected, and has been duly bounced. For now. The forces of Ogg have violated the Sea of Storms. Oh, urinating dog.



After an obvious attack on me from the Hub, you would have thought that the whole Disc would be convinced that he were against me. But no, Hrun tells me that Jason Ogg is suspicious, and the first edition of La Dyske claims that we are allied... is there a spy in the Forbidden City?

I am keen to launch an attack upon Llamedos, but Hrun thinks that since Jason Ogg is so suspicious, he will order Gonim to attack Ecalpon, thereby cutting its support.

This cloud, however has a silver lining.

An observer from the Neflands has suggested that Ogg may convoy Gonim to W'ung province - if Hrun speaks the truth, then W'ung is safe.

Since I shall not take an SC off Ogg this year, I need to take one elsewhere in order to fend of the pesky Hoon. Hrun has offered to turn a blind eye should I attack Cutangelsk. A noble offer, and this late in the year, I doubt he could arrange defence against such an attack... or could he? Either Oolskunrahod or the Pelargic are in danger of being cut, but if Hrun speaks the truth, Oolskunrahod is more likely to be attacked, and so I shall move it to Cutangelsk.



J. Ogg did not do as Hrun said. He claims to have been betrayed, although no damage was done to the Hublands. V suspicious.

Meanwhile, Ogg tried a move to the Pelargic Sea - was he expecting my fleet to attack Cutangelsk, not Oolskunrahod? V, v suspicious. Or perhaps I just guessed wrong.

How far can I trust the barbarian??????

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