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Stone Circle Operating Systems

May 2000

Afp has always had it's "geeky" side but, in May 200, the group saw an OS Advocacy War with a difference

Subject: [R] Stone Circle Operating Systems
From: Steve DeGroof
Date: Sat, 27 May 2000

Suggestions for stone circle operating systems:

- Lintels 3.1 (aka Lin31)
- Lintels Year-Of-The-Fruitbat (aka LinFruitbat)
- PetrOS

Any others?

From: Th0r
Date: 28 May 2000

Lintels Neolithic Technologies (LinNT)

From: "Meagen AKA SailorM"

95 Holes In The Wall? At least that would explain the constant

From: Eric Jarvis

having recently installed Lintels Year of the Florid Artichoke on
my stone circle I was horrified to find that when I try to
calculate the sunrise at equinox, the entire system crashes and
requires a complete far three druids have
been crushed and we are two weeks late in preparing the solstice
sacrifice...not that it'll matter because we are rapidly running
out of druids

the stone circle on the other side of the hills is operating
under Runex and they don't seem to have this problem...though,
admittedly, they have spent so much time setting up the circle
that the harvest has failed two years in a row and their chickens
have stopped laying

I am nostalgic for the good old days of DOS [1]

[1] dead old stones

From: Steve DeGroof

Sounds like you need the latest service pack. Check MicaSoft's
slabsite. Of course, word has it that the latest service pack
introduces more bugs than it fixes. And if you complain to
MicaSoft, they'll just tell you your druids need to get MCSD
(MicaSoft Certified System Druid) certification.

> the stone circle on the other side of the hills is operating
> under Runex and they don't seem to have this problem.

I know what you mean. It's hard to get a good Runex admin these
days. Plus, since MicaSoft has all the quarries under its thumb,
you can't get a set of stones without getting Lintels already
installed. So now you have to uninstall Lintels before you can
install Runex. Even worse, the stones are tweaked to work better
with Lintels and some peripheral stones don't work at all with
Runex unless you can find someone to write a custom incantation.

And don't even get me started about all this contunuous upgrade
business. Seems like every time I get a circle up and running
the way I want it, a new set of stones comes out that's twice
as fast, packs twice the stones into the same area and costs
half the price.

On the other hand, I heard recently that some druids have been
installing Runex on older, abandoned circles, then linking them
together in a cluster to make one big system that's more powerful
than the latest models. Sounds promising.

Of course, all they seem to want to do with these systems is
summon up images of cavorting nymphs and trade illegal copies
of rock music.

From: Steve Day
Date: 30 May 2000

CoProlitic/Metamorphic was popular for a while before Incredibly Big
Megaliths chose MicaSoft's Menhir System DOS for their new compact
Pocket-Circle desktop model.

From: David Chapman

And to get right down to it, there was Big Arrangements of Stones In

Oh, and a lot of rituals were written in Cobble.

From: Martyn Clapham

As opposed to posts on here, which are usually written in Cobblers!

Is that the time? Must dash! :-))

From: mightily_oats

I personally prefer Very Interesting Sacrifices Utilising All Large /
Big Arrangements of Stones in Circles

From: Richard Bos

Barbarians. All real programmers use Coprolith. Either that, or its
larger, more complex, more top-heavy sibling, Coprolith Plus Plus.

From: Yannick Larvor

Well, Lava has its partisans, I heard. (Not talking LavaScribe, here).
Some could say they were too long under the Sun, though.

From: Steve DeGroof

Well, the big thing about Lava is that incantations written in it can be cast on both Lintels and Runex. And since Runex is available for UU's Hex platform, you can write once, cast anywhere.

In reality, though, the incantations are really slow and don't work exactly the same on all platforms.

From: Suzi

Real programmers, of course, use A Suitable Stone Emulation Method
Between Large Etched Runes... takes longer to write, but runs more
efficiently once installed.

From: Tom Saul

Found on tablet near stones:

"I'm running Lintels Y-O-T-F-B, and have installed the Half-life game
for it, but this just made the stones glow and all the sheep nearby to
grow 8 heads...."

"Sir, I have to complain most strongly. Having installed your latest
product Lintels, my stone circle crashed. This has resulted in the
deaths of 4 druids...."

"...Well, I installed the cross-member as advised by your company, but
have found that the structure was unable to support the overhead...."

"You do realise that the in addition to all the pieces supplies was a
troll? He was understandably most displeased at being flat-packed..."

From: Steve DeGroof

Lintels seems to be prone to Granite Pillar Fractures.
Complain to MicaSoft and they'll just tell you it must a problem
with a third-party incantation. Thing is, I get GPFs even when the
only incantation I'm running is Rune for Lintels, which is a
MicaSoft product itself.

From: Steve DeGroof

Apparently the Patrician has ordered the Watch to investigate
MicaSoft for violations of anti-trust law[1].

It seems that Newtscape complained to the Patrician that MicaSoft
was putting them out of business by bundling Lithonet Exhumer with
Lintels. Newtscape Necromancer was the premier Disc Wide Web scryer
before MicaSoft took interest in the Lithonet.

[1] The Patrician doesn't trust MicaSoft, therefore it must be
breaking the law.

From: Steve DeGroof

Just found out: Lintels isn't YFA-compliant. Some incantations
roll back to the Year of the Officious Badger. MicaSoft says it
has a service pack coming that will fix it. That's what they always
say, isn't it?

From: Eric Jarvis
Date: 31 May 2000

yep...the whole damn thing is held together by wattle and daub

the druids are as bad...the number of times I've had to ask why
they can't read the order of service BEFORE they start the
ritual...I mean, it's a stone circle...delicate stuff, one false
move and you could have failed harvests for decades...yet there
they are merrily chanting as they march widdershins round the
damn thing...and half of them can't tell a solstice from an
equinox...I blame the parents

From: Quantum Moth

Well, the price for a circle has dropped fairly rapidly in the
past few centuries; you can pick up a 500megalith system for
about the same price as a couple of virgins in the old aeons.
People are just buying them for fun, they're not necessarily
druids - in fact "druid" is a bit of an insult nowadays, they
prefer "high priests of the sun", or "Sa><rEEfYs()rS", for some
of the younger ones[1]. "druid" conjures up images of robes with
pocket protectors and sickles held together with sticky tape.
Most people who own a cirle now just use it for the home - you
know, little incantations to get their crops watered, small
scale stuff like that. No-one interprets the divine instructions
nowadays, and who cares if it's aligned to the sunrise on Midsummer?

[1]Who are a bit clueless, really - just looking for the fastest
ley-line access to swap nymphs and always working on a big curse
which they intend to unleash upon the Known World[2].

From: Richard Bos

> Real programmers, of course, use A Suitable Stone Emulation Method
> Between Large Etched Runes...

Not any more, what with these modern, late stone age, optimising
Coprolith Compactors. They'll turn your Coprolith into circle language
tighter than you could ever write yourself, and run faster, too. Of
course, Coprolith is still a crock, but hey, it's a working crock, and
better than any alternative I've ever seen.
As for Lava... all hot air, no real stone. Maybe when it solidifies it
will be useful, but not now.
For those of us living next the sea, Pearl seems to work nicely. I've
little experience with it, but I'm still learning, and it works, though
it doesn't seem to have all the strength of Coprolith.

From: Jeroen Wijnands

I'm still wondering what I should do with that new driver that came with
the new and improved altar I bought. I mean, the guy is just wandering
about leaving dogends everywhere and making comments at the virgins.

From: "Tom Saul"

Did it come on C-ROM[1]? If so, just place it in the circle and do a
soft reboot[2]

Erm....He's not doing that sort of reverse whistle is he? ;-)

[1] Coprolith Read Only Memory.
[2] You use a rubber chicken rather than a live one...

From: Eric Jarvis

and remember always be very very careful when doing a soft boot
on your stone the very least clip your toenails
thoroughly first...preferably hire a peasant to do it...the soft
boot, that is...get a handmaiden to do the should
be able to tell which is which [1]

[1] if the reason you can't tell what they are wearing is because
it is totally shapeless and covered in muck, then it's a
peasant...if the reason is that you haven't got a magnifying
glass handy then it's a handmaiden

From: C. Cooke
Date: 1 Jun 2000

Ok, now it's late, I'm bored, and this idea seems to not want to be

With *extreme* apologies to Irving Welsh, Gary Barnes, various people on
asr, and generally everyone reading this...

Choose no life. Choose no career. Choose no cave. Choose a plain filled
with massize fucking slabs of bluestone, choose cirles the size of
cathedrals, barrows, lintels dragged from fucking Wales. Choose no sleep,
waiting for the freezing dawn. Choose no friends. Choose druidic robes
designed by someone with no idea of the rain. Choose altars for your
monument in a range of fucking strata. Choose the winter solstice, and
wondering why the fuck you're in a damp field at the arse of the year.
Choose standing before another fucking altar, looking at mind numbing,
spirit crushing vestal-virgin wannabees, stuffing fucking roast pig down
your fucking throat. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing
your last against a fucking sacred rock, nothing but an embarassment to
the selfish, fucked up druids who think you can do it vegitarian style.
Choose your future. Choose to solsticeadmin.

From: Chris Head

And when you get all the constituent components working together
(if it's possible to get a troll to work properly with anyone) do you think
it will be possible to link this to the Unseen University device, and possibly
other Stone Circles, by the leyline network?

Would this be by the purchase of the LeyNet package .... this of course
includes the specially trained Druid driver to operate the LeyNet

From: Steve DeGroof
Date: 1st June 2000

> the druids are as bad...the number of times I've had to ask why
> they can't read the order of service BEFORE they start the
> ritual...

I know what you mean. Seems like everyone and his dragon is
claiming to be a druid these days. Just because you can put
together a "Hello Disc" incantation from a tutorial, doesn't
mean you've got what it takes to conjure up a really big

I'm not talking about solstice incantations either. I was
doing solstice incantations when most of these kids were still
in diapers. I'm talking about a big system with multi-harvest
management, hooks into legacy COBALT systems, lode balancing
and real-time virgin fail-over.

A couple months ago I had to clean up after a wannabe druid.
He'd cobbled together a spring equinox incantation in Vitreous
Basalt. When he fired it up, it crashed big time. Ruined the
whole festival.

Turns out he'd built the whole thing with no built-in error
checking. Just naturally assumed everything would work
perfectly. Well, it threw a virginity exception right off and
that started a cascade that brought the whole circle down. Now,
anyone who's been in the trade for any time at all knows that
you *always* keep a spare virgin handy; two if you're working
a spring festival.

I didn't even bother to look at what else they messed up. I
just scrapped the whole thing and started over. Wasn't much of
a challenge - I can do an equinox in my sleep. Charged the high
priest double the going rate anyway, though.

And did he learn his lesson? Of course not. Last I heard, he'd
hired another bunch of kids to do the summer solstice. I think
I'll charge him triple this time.

From: Tom Saul

> and remember always be very very careful when doing a soft boot
> on your stone circle.

I think it's the hard reboot you need to be careful about. Oh, and
while you're at it, don't order a modem[1] it might not be what you

[1] Main Oval DEMolition

From: Paul Bines
Date: 4 Jun 2000

You might want think carefully about installing that driver; I did and
it caused no end of BSOD's [1] A pain to remove too.

[1] Blue Scree of Death

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